Coping With Infertility

Approximately one in eight couples faces some type of infertility issue. It is easy to feel alone with this issue, especially when you are in your 20s or 30s and have been watching lots of friends and family members having babies. However, it is a fairly common problem that affects couples every year and should not be taken lightly. There is no single coping strategy that will work for everyone, but there are a number of things that couples can do to gain support and alleviate grief.

• Be open with your spouse. I know that this is easier said than done. Infertility is understandably painful and can be difficult to discuss. Infertility itself can cause stress on your marriage. You don't need to add more stress to your life with relationship problems.
• Decide what you and your spouse want to say to friends and family. If you've been married for any length of time, it's likely that you get questions about whether or not you want to/are planning to have children. This is really no one's business and you can choose to say nothing. However, you may be able to avoid some judgment and unnecessary questions by putting some information about your struggles out there. This doesn't mean that you need to describe your specific issues, fertility drugs, and doctor's appointments with the entire world.
• Be honest about your emotions. If your heart can't handle seeing another ultrasound or slew of new baby photos on Facebook or attending a baby shower, don't be afraid to say so. Good friends will understand. Send a card or gift in the mail instead.
• Open up with friends and family members who are in the same situation. Putting the truth out there will often solicit support from people who are going through similar issues and may not want to share everything with the entire world. They will be able to sympathize and converse on a different level than people who have not faced infertility issues.

• Seek out constructive literature. Don't wallow in statistics and info about procedures and medications. It is important to understand the issues at hand and the options that you have, but you don't need to obsess over this information. If you're looking for more resources, seek out sources that will provide support, hope, and comfort.
• Find in person or online support forums and groups. There are a wide range of support groups and forums out there for people facing infertility. This is not something that will appeal to everyone, but it's a good option to consider.

• Allow yourself a good cry sometimes. Some days are going to be really tough. Sometimes something specific related to infertility will upset you. Other days, you may have a series of bad luck or other tough issues and it puts your emotion level over the top. Don't hold your emotions in and let things build to the point that you snap easily. Letting out your feelings with a good cry can release a lot of tension and provide some relief and calming.

• Enjoy the luxuries that come with a child-free marriage. There are many things that are easy to take for granted when you don't have children from grocery shopping by yourself any time you want to taking a weekend trip on a whim. Fully enjoy all of these luxuries.
• Take a break from trying. If ovulation tests, charting, and prenatal vitamins are making you weary, take a break from them for a month or two. This may even alleviate stress, making it easier to get pregnant.
• Count your blessings. Many people who are trying to get pregnant have a solid marriage and a relatively stable day to day life with regular income and a comfortable living space. That's great! Take the time to appreciate all of the great things that you do have in your life each day.
• Continue to get regular exercise and eat well. Hopefully as a woman, if you've been trying to get pregnant, you have been doing both of these things. There is no reason to give up even if you're facing infertility issues. Feeling lousy due to lethargy or poor diet will not help your general outlook on life. Keep taking care of yourself.
• Stay busy and productive. It is easy to put things on hold when you are preparing for that positive pregnancy test because you want to make time in your life for your new addition. While it's important to be emotionally and financially ready for a child, you should continue to stay productive and pursue hobbies and interests.