Everlasting Tribute - "Listen For Me In the Wind"

I was twelve years old when my dad died. It was my oldest brother who was unofficially delegated to be the "dad" for his four younger brothers and sisters. Although, at the time, he was only seventeen, for me, he was a great dad.

He was patient. He was kind. He was forgiving!

No, I was a grown adult when he died. Still he was only 53. I should have been perfectly capable of dealing with his death, but there was something about losing this brother that gripped my very soul! I still cry when I talk about him. It's been fourteen years now, and I know he will always be a presence in my thoughts.

But what did he do that was so special? Why don't I carry the same torch for my mother or father, or anyone else that has passed from my life?

I was scared when my dad died. When he was home, it was safe in the house. All of us, my brothers and sisters feared the rathe of my mother. So, without my dad there to keep the peace what would happen to us? Well, my brother stepped in... stepped up! He took charge and my mother let him, counted on him, to be the man of the house.

He was quiet, like my dad, but he was also more engaged. Once, I was angrily doing the dishes, a job always, always relegated to the girls and I said to him, "I don't understand why it always has to be me doing the dishes." He not only noticed my anger but then he said "I know, it's not right but that's just the way it is right now!" And then he picked up a towel and helped. As a grown man, he was always the first one up to help to wash the dishes. It's a little thing, I know, but at the time it was a major, major thing!

He played such a major role in my life. I wanted to make him proud. I was the only one in my family to graduate with a college degree, but it was my brother who was the smart one. This brother spoke to my inner spirit with such logic and intelligence.

So when I divorced my husband of nineteen years and my brother stopped talking to me, I was devastated. Still, I was too proud to be the first to let go of the silence. He had no right to insist that I stay in a bad marriage. He felt that I should have given my husband a second chance. It was his wife who finally, after three months, said "Enough is enough!" and brought us together again. Neither of us apologized. Neither of us had to. We both knew that we were both right! We also knew that we wanted to be together again. When we finally reunited, we just picked up where we left off. And thank god because it wasn't long after that he told me he had cancer!

When he found out that he had cancer, he was determined to fight with all the strength that he had. I had grown to think he could do anything he put his mind to, but this cancer seemed to be a task impossible to solve. He tried using humor. He tried studying everything there was to study about each of the treatments and their side effects. He even monitored the care he was given by each nurse and doctor to make sure that everything was according to best practice. He used positive attitude and focus and still, he was losing the battle.

My brother, my support, my friend was leaving me.

in the end, with heavy morphine clouding his thoughts, he shared one last thing with his family. He said, "When I die, don't believe that I'm gone. I'm going to be here. I will still watch over you. Just listen for me in the wind!" I will be that close.

So, when he died, I bought a wind chime! Every time the chimes ring, no matter how gentle, I stop what I'm doing and think of my brother. What would he think of me right now? Would he be proud?

Many people come and go in everyone's life but if you're lucky there will be a mother, father, brother,sister, son, daughter, friend who speaks to your spirit. While you are together on this earth, you will be drawn to each other for some unexplainable reason. And if that person moves on to the life beyond, you will no longer fear death. It's now that you know that there is someone on the other side who will be there waiting for you.

Until that time though, I listen for my brother in every breeze that blows. I love the sounds of wind chimes because I feel that he is close right then. I miss my brother, our conversations, but he is with me every day. He said "Please remember me!" Oh, he didn't have to worry. All I have to do is listen for him in the wind.