On Addiction and Healing From

I chose to discuss the topic of addiction and healing from addiction because I have experienced both and I am perhaps more knowledgeable on the matter than I even wish I was sometimes. I have had many addictions and I still have some. At the same time though, I continually heal myself. I have not been to a doctor’s office in at least seven or eight years and I am happy with myself; I like it this way.

I will start with addiction and here I would like to focus on addiction to substances and not addiction to shopping or fishing or something of that sort. There are indeed many things one can get addicted to. Anything done in excess can become an addiction. What I mean by excess is: when one’s regular duties become neglected or affected negatively because of substance use. That is when one knows there is a problem, in my opinion.

The addictions I have at the moment, I live with. They do not interfere greatly with what I want to get done in my life so, for now we are doing fine. I was addicted to some substances in the past that did affect my life in a quite negative way though. I have depleted my serotonin levels in the past, to the extent that I have triggered my own depression. The problem was not only the drugs I was taking. The problem was that I was weak (mentally) to begin with and I had no clue what I was doing. I did not know what the drugs were doing to me and I did not know where the road would lead.

I have been lucky to always have questions running through my mind so, I began studying myself. This started in my late teens and continued in my early twenties. I tried most drugs I could find, except pharmaceutical drugs. I was always more attracted to natural drugs/illegal ones: weed, hash, mushrooms, ecstasy, cocaine, LSD, opium … peyote got away somehow. Whenever I took any mind-altering substance, I paid close attention to everything that was happening to me: feelings, thoughts, etc. I even took notes during my so called “trips” and then after the fact as well.

During my late teens, I met many drug users and when I looked at the experienced ones, I realized most of the time that their bodies were crumbling. The drugs had taken their effect. Not only was the physical look of the person affected but also the speech, motion and thought. That for me was not a good sign. I realized that tilting the balance heavily on one side, had some serious negative effects. So, I began tilting the scale towards the healthy side. I paid great attention to the food I ate, I took necessary supplements when I chose to do certain drugs and I always made sure I rested well. I also trained in martial arts for many years and the upside was that my body was strong.

I continued my experimentation with drugs for many years. It became somewhat of an obsession now that I look at it. I looked at psychedelic drugs especially, as their own entities with which I would play with but because the playing all happened in my mind, it was critical to always remain in control. I understood that if one looses control, that means a complete separation from this three dimensional perspective and ultimately it means the mental institute.

I experienced the Fear in 2001 when I was in Amsterdam, Netherlands. I ate a little too many mushrooms and my thoughts started flying at a faster rate than ever before. It is fine for a while but when the effect lasts long it becomes tiresome and that is when the Fear happens. At too high of a dose with hallucinogens, one begins to feel that the trip is not ending and that one may end-up not being able to return to the base (this three dimensional perspective which we all experience on an ordinary day). The Fear is real. If one begins to actually believe in It and in the fact that the trip will not end then, that is the new perspective the person builds himself/herself and thus, the trip never ends. That is one way to get to complete insanity …

When dealing with mind-altering substances be it alcohol, weed, cocaine or anything else, one must take two things into careful consideration: the substance and the self. When combined, the substance and the self begin a fight for control. The user must never let go of control. Even in the deepest moments of ecstasy and euphoria, one must know why and what is going on. Let the drug take control and one will have serious problems coming back to the base (our three dimensional perspective). It may be impossible too; it all depends on one’s personal power. Addiction is not a disease, it is a lack of personal power.

A strong mind can fight. With serious will-power anything is possible; one can break-through but only with will-power. If one lacks that, there is not much hope in my opinion. And will-power is also what is needed in order for one to heal himself/herself. Healing must be done through love with will-power. Love is needed because one has to forgive oneself for what one is doing to oneself. Love is needed for understanding and for healing/regenerating. With will-power, one uses love to heal. The mind must be strong though. I am not sure how I can stress this enough.

I often find that addiction destroys the self-esteem in many people and they forget how to look at themselves with dignity. That is a problem because without self-esteem/respect/love, one can never heal completely. My suggestion for those who feel that they have fallen pray to a substance or other, is that they need to do some honest soul searching; to search for personal power/will-power and to build on it. Then, when one acts one has to act decisively, with clear intent and with resolve. Each step must be like moving mountains, done with will-power. This is a warrior’s way and one can climb over any wall this way.