Bipolar-Normal Is Just A Point Of View
Normal Is Just A Point Of View
I have noticed when I am manic some ’people‘ are not all that thrilled about my happiness. They don’t like that I don’t give much thought to what I say when I start off on a manic ramble. Or to be more specific, I talk a lot more when I am manic. By this I mean I tend to say what I feel more often than not. I don’t hold back as much, like I normally would. I shoot off my mouth, pick arguments and am always right. This seems to aggravate many people, especially the one's I am closest to.
They think I am exaggerating. That the things I talk about are never accurate, because when I am manic I am somehow less passive and they DO NOT like it when I am assertive. Or when I talk about things they like keeping under the rug. I hate the word exaggerating. They accuse me of stretching the truth. Especially if they are the ones I am ranting about. They just don’t want to face the fact they are not perfect. And I am not always the passive little mouse I pretend to be because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Mania has a strange way of creating to much tension and a unrealistic way of thinking. I am not saying I am right or even that I am wrong. Or that I am lying, I am just extremely animated in my thoughts when I am in a manic phase.
Then on the other hand. They think I am overly sensitive, they think I am extraordinarily emotional, they think I am too kind, they think I am peculiar, they think I am just having a bad day. I get the impression they would prefer me to be quiet and self-effacing like I usually am. I am really just a huge neurotic worrywart. They prefer passivity over the happy, elevated lunatic ready for the adventure of a lifetime persona.
It is disconcerting to find out they really dislike that part of my personality. It hurts my feelings, because I want to think my friends and family would prefer happy over passive and dispassion. . A mood swing has a mind of it's own. If I could make them happy with a perfect mood, than I would, but sadly I cannot.
Always in a mood
It seems to me, I am always something or someone they don't like. "Always in a mood," they often say. Well the truth is, that's bipolar up close and personal. I do my best to maintain my mood swings, but they creep up and can ruin my day, week, or even months. It isn't always a joy being me. But it is me, whether taking medications or not taking medications, whether up or down, it is me. That is bipolar. That is my life. That is who I am. Period. That is how I live my life with bipolar disorder.
So I often ask myself how do I make the people around me happy? The simple answer is I don't. You just be what you are and try to improve upon that hoping they will understand you are what you are and what they feel cannot be a reflection on your mood or you will forever be trying to change something about yourself that can never be changed.
I would do anything to make them happy for who I am. But oftentimes whatever mood I am in it isn't the mood they prefer me to be in, it can't be wrong because it is who I am. Period and everlasting. If I am sad, that upsets them, if I am happy that more often than not worries them, if I am in a so-called normal state of in between moods, than they just worry when the next episode is coming, so no winning is the only way to play the game of bipolar.
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Things I can do to make it easier on you:
- I can explain that I cannot always predict when a mood is coming
- I can give you as much knowledge about bipolar as I know
- I can listen more intently to your concerns
- I can continue to take my meds and manage my illness with your help
- I can let you know what I am going through and give you space to grasp it
- I can find ways for you to understand I don't always hear your concern
- I can enjoy doing things together
- I can express in writing to help you gain insight
Things you can do to make it easier on me:
- You can limit nagging and criticizing
- You can let me be alone if I need that
- Don't act like I am just trying to get attention, I am not
- You can be patient when things go array
- Know that a few kind words of understanding go a long way
- You can offer to do an activity together
- You can just listen without commenting, or judging
Bipolar disorder is not easy on anyone, not the person who has it, or the people they interact with. Both can learn and understand each other if the lines of communication are left open and used to the fullest of their ability. Fighting against a current will never benefit either person, be kind, open and honest. only then is it possible for relationships to bloom with a healthy dose of love and compassion.
Who doesn't want to be normal?
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