Stop Beating Yourself Up with Negativity

We know it so well. Our intellect is aware of how negativity around us affects and drains our spirit. And yet, often times, we are unconsciously negative with our own self. We do not even realized how we beat ourselves up constantly. Until we get sick.

Yes, that is what happened to me in the year 2000. To know more of this story, read “Living Wellness and see how this illness cured me! I was taught a very valuable life lesson. Stop being mad at myself. Stop being unkind. Stop blaming. Stop being unloving. Stop beating myself up. And it changed my life totally!

When was the last time you look at yourself? Really look at yourself. Strip off your clothes and stand in a full length mirror and look. What do you see as you allow your gaze to look at your entire body? What do you see when you look at your eyes, the windows to your soul? Does your smile reach your eyes? Do you like who you have become? What are the thoughts running in your head as you look at yourself? Listen closely. Don’t judge those thoughts. Just listen.

If you have the courage to listen, you will hear those voices. It may be the familiar voice that makes you feel small, unworthy, unlovable, ugly. Or it may be the joyful voice that says “Hey, I recognize you are not perfect and yet I love you anyway.”

If you hear the voices of negativity, it’s time to hear this truth.

You can be what you want to be.

You can stop it. You can stop feeling tired and feeling small. You can stop feeling unlovable and unworthy. You can stop being mad at yourself and with the rest of the world.

You can say, “I won’t do it anymore. I won’t behave this way anymore. I can learn to change and behave differently. I can learn to love myself.”

You are all you have. You may have forgotten this. But you are a gift! Therefore, decide to make yourself the most vibrant, beautiful, wonderful, tender, loving and fantastic person in the world. And then your life will change for the better. And you will always survive.

I was a little girl when I overheard my parents talking. They were worried if I was smart enough to pass the entrance test at a school in the big city. It was just a small conversation. But I still remember that incident. I remember the feeling of dread of failing in that test. And I remember how scared I am of doing anything especially if I can’t do it right. I was afraid of making mistakes. And the fear escalated and translated into “if I can’t do it right, my parents will not love me.”

It’s a crazy thing. But for many people, it can be the one that stops them from doing what they love. Fear of failure. Fear of being not good enough. So it is time to hear this truth. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to fall down and stand up again. There is no shame in these things. Do you know, our greatest failures often become our greatest blessings? Fear no more. Do what you love and learn to fly.

Forgive yourself. The only way to stop hating is to start forgiving. Forgive your mistakes. Forgive the choices you’ve made. Forgive those who have hurt you and whom you have hurt. Let go and allow the grace of forgiveness to heal the wounds within.

Get rid of those bummer words. Words that bring you down, thoughts that make you feel depressed and miserable. In its place, decide what positive words you can use in your conversations, when you talk and think about yourself and others and when you talk about the world.

Learn something new. Every time we learn something new, we become something new. Stop saying “I can’t do this and I can’t do that.” Just do it. Say “I can.” Saying yes to the HubChallenge is something new for me. I know there are moments when I think my writing isn’t good enough and that thought alone can stop me from writing. But by saying “I can do it. I can write 30 hubs in 30 days,” I am able to follow my goal which is to finish one hub a day.

Celebrate your triumphs and little successes. Take the time to celebrate you. Pamper yourself with words. Tell yourself, I am proud of you for …. state clearly what you have done. For instance, I am proud of you for handling the situation calmly. Look at yourself in the mirror and affirm yourself. I sometimes find myself patting my shoulder and saying “good job” when I overcome some difficulty. That helps me a lot. What’s more you can also give yourself a treat to celebrate.

Loving yourself means taking care of you. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Be tender. Nourish your body, your mind and your spirit with that which will make you into the greatest, grandest, most wonderful loving person in the whole world. This is what you are going to give to all those that you meet in this lifetime.

And what a beautiful gift you are.

By: Michelle Simtoco

More by this Author

Comments 42 comments

rb11 profile image

rb11 7 years ago from Las Vegas

As you mention loving yourself means forgiving yourself. As long as we reflect honestly, learn from errors and do our best next time, then we earn love and forgiveness.

Your timing is funny, I just submitted an article to ezine for approval titled "depression and early childhood coping problems" which is exactly what you experienced. The impact that negative words and statements have on a young child. The long term affect can deeply scare their esteem system.

Glad you overcame, by doing that you are an inspiration for others.

Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

RM - This is so true. Once you start turning your internal dialogue to positive you can really hear all the negativity. I am still working on adjusting my viewpoint and I am always amazed at how words come out. Thank you for writing this and it is truly wonderful that you were able to overcome this to be able to help others.

Chef Jeff profile image

Chef Jeff 7 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

One thing to be remembered is that living in a terrible situation can also make one stronger. My grandmother had everything go wrong in her life but eventually things got better and she lived a joyous life when her kids grew up and took great care of her.

AlexK2009 profile image

AlexK2009 7 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

Grreat hub. A year ago I would have called it new age nonsense but now I have lived through a lot of this and it makes sense. I am still trying to integrate the ideas of positive thinking etc with my scientific training and seem to be making progress.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi rb, yes what timing. :-) I had hard time trying to please them and thinking that approval equaled to love. There was so much that needed to heal. And yes, overcoming it has helped me a lot grow in character and strength. Thanks for sharing. I am sure many will benefit from what you wrote too.

Hi triplet mom, it pays to listen to what our thoughts are saying. I still catch myself sometimes thinking in a negative way. But being aware of it already somehow helped me refocus it immediately. :-) And I just say aloud...I love you anyway. :-) Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

Hi Jeff, so true. I could now look back and say thank you for all of the "pain" since I am stronger and more compassionate. Your Grandma is a perfect example that there is still perfection in the imperfections of life. Thanks!

Hi Alex, glad to know you are open enough to embrace new concepts. Yes I remember the new age concept and how people were rejecting it. But only to discover the many benefits it has for us...and how it resonates within our soul. Keep growing and learning and loving...take care...

fishskinfreak2008 profile image

fishskinfreak2008 7 years ago from Fremont CA

Excellent advice. Thumbs up

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi fishskinfreak..thanks for the thumbs up! :-)

Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

We were not born with negativity. We learned it and we can just as easily unlearn it. The question is do we want to work at it? I'm glad I chose yes and that you did too, ripplemaker! Thanks for these tips on how!

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi Sis Dottie, what you say is true. Everything is learned and can be unlearn. That is the perfect question to ask: Do want to get out of the rut? Saying yes will change our lives that is for certain! :-)

feeweewv profile image

feeweewv 7 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

We eat well from the fruit of our lips... I believe this with all my heart.

feeweewv profile image

feeweewv 7 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

If we speak negatively, we live negatively... If we speak and believe positively... well you get the point

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town

That's why it's good to write up some positive affirmations and stick em on your fridge

cashmere profile image

cashmere 7 years ago from India

Such great advice. Lovely Hub. I'm off to make my positive affirmations now.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Thanks feeweewv, thanks for pointing those out :-)

Hi Cindy, yeah, that would be a good excuse and exercise for the butt. LOL  :-)

Hi cashmere, that's great!  That's wonderful! You go girl!


Many thanks you guys for dropping by and leaving a positive comment :-)

AlexK2009 profile image

AlexK2009 7 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

Without even introducing a paranormal aspect negative thinking can make you lose opportunities. So think positively

Guardian1 profile image

Guardian1 7 years ago

I know what you mean about negative thinking. It runs in my family, but I do think that, regardless of what your past has been, you can turn things around with positive thoughts and actions. Everything we do has an impact on those around us. I keep that in mind when dealing with my kids. I want them to grow up confident and able to love and express themselves.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi Alex, you are so right! :-)

Hi Guardian, your children are blessed to have you! :-) Thanks for adding yor insights.

shamelabboush profile image

shamelabboush 7 years ago

You are 100% right! Thumps up definitely. We should always learn to turn our left cheeck to the offender bcz this is the only way to regain our humaneness and most of all win people's hearts.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi shamel, indeed a great way to regain our humaneness is to acknowledge our greatness and beauty within. So let's throw the hammer which we beat ourselves up unconsciously and consciously and rejoice for we are alive and learning and loving! :-) My warm regards to you...

Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

I have been interested in the positive side of things for a long time, right little pollyanna me, but recently have delved deeper into the philosophy , there is more to it than first imagined.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi Hawkesdream, it is wise of you to do so. I have gain so much benefits from the experience. :-) Keep learning and growing...

mamacoots profile image

mamacoots 7 years ago from Louisiana

Wonderful Hub! Keep making those ripples! You are a blessing to everyone who reads your hubs. ;-)

Cindy Letchworth profile image

Cindy Letchworth 7 years ago from Midwest, U.S.A.

This is a great hub in and so timely. As more and more people face job loss, a person's self esteem really plummets. Thanks for reminding us that we are all worthy of loving ourselves no matter what life throws us.

Jmell 7 years ago

I love this article.....true words of wisdom!

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi mamacoots, your positive words is a balm to a wounded soul. Keep sharing words that uplift..they truly help people out of their negative state. Hugs...

Hi Cindy, it's good to know this hub helps somehow. Yes, we are worthy of being loved no matter what. :-)

Hi Jmell, nice to see you again. And thanks for reading and commenting. :-)

Amber 7 years ago

I think so too, if we get rid of negtive thoughts it will be great improvement of our well being :)

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Glad you view it the same way Amber! :-)

IslandVoice profile image

IslandVoice 7 years ago from Hawaii

I have always believed in this and try to live it. I want to share this hub with some precious folks i know who don't realize they are self defeatists.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi IslandVoice, that would be nice. Thanks for reading this one :-)

cobraski profile image

cobraski 7 years ago from Maryland

Good info. Thanks!

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Your welcome! :-)

profile image

A.M. Gwynn 7 years ago

You are such a needed presence. Your messages are lamps. This is so true of ourselves. We hang on to things that hurt us. We see the light at the end of the tunnel but move away from it so many times instead of running fast towards it. Thank you for this "negativity" Hub.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Hi Gwynn, thanks for the inspiring feedback. Yesterday, I found myself being quiet as I listen to the voices within. Sometimes I still hear those negative words but becoming more and more aware of them helps. So I can say STOP and feed myself with positive things. Have a blessed day. :)

mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

This story has really touched my heart. I remember crying every night as a child for believing every negative words targeted towards me. It still is hard today to believe in myself and start walking my own path. I had gotten a lot better from complaining all the time to turning things around to a positive experience. Thanks for sharing your point of view.

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Ooooh I just want to go over and give you a bear hug. I can absolutely relate with you. And I've tried so hard to go above it and sometimes failing miserably. But as the years progressed, there has been so much growth. And I have discovered the joy in loving myself and stop beating myself up. It's good to know you are growing as well Mayhmong. I hug you dearly. :-)

celistina profile image

celistina 7 years ago

This is a very powerful article! Thanks so much for writing this. The importance of self love is more important than love for anything else. If we don't learn to love ourselves, how can we then love others? Voted up! :)

ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 6 years ago from Cebu, Philippines Author

Thank you celistina! I agree with you too.

Lost 6 years ago

Hi michelle, thanks for your insight on this, I needed a lift today.

There's a lot you can only do by yourself, if you don't have the support of anyone around you you can't move on. I've tried exactly that doing it all on my own but it's hard when the only person who truly understands you is you. I find it hard to let go of mistakes mainly because I try so hard to do the right thing so I'm unforgiving towards myself. I cry a lot. I guess a lot of it has to do with growing up, and its hard to turn around until someone turns you around. I'm 37 and I'm still hoping there's someone out there who can.

As for Celistina's comment, self love is important but that's not an indicator of how well we can love others. Some people feel they have no right to love themselves, so gives themselves up for others. If the love is returned then that's great, if its not then back to beating yourself up again.

j smith 6 years ago

This article is brilliant. Thankyou for giving me the boost I needed.

zbat 5 years ago

do you recommend any books on this issue? I know there are a ton but any that particularly stand out?

Bahleh 5 years ago

I agree with you all guys

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I am going to link this to my hub on negativity...excellent job my friend! You walk the talk and that is so very valuable to all around you.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article