The First Three Months of Pregnancy - Keeping the Secret!

Keeping pregnancy a secret for those first three months can be incredibly hard.
Keeping pregnancy a secret for those first three months can be incredibly hard.

If you're within the first month of your pregnancy, or you think that you might be, you may want to see my hub on Very Early Pregnancy Symptoms.

The first three months of pregnancy are a cruel joke for anyone wanting to keep it secret.

Many women like to refrain from going public about their pregnancy until the three-month mark, when the risk of miscarriage is said to significantly reduce and they've had that reassuring first scan, which (hopefully) not only shows them that the baby's ok, but which gives irrefutable evidence that there is, indeed a baby in there, and they're not just imagining it/going crazy/getting fat!

You might choose not to tell family and friends until this point because you don't want them to get too excited until you get this first all-clear.

And you may decide not to tell your work colleagues if you have worries about how you'll be treated once people know that you're pregnant, or even about the safety of your job.

Or perhaps you just don't want people to know yet, because it's a lovely experience for you and your partner to share alone, even just for a little while.

Three whole months of having your own lovely secret, without those well-meaning relatives telling you what you should and shouldn't be eating, drinking, doing or thinking... Bliss!

Symptoms in the first three months

But then Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom; (and demonstrating a cracking sense of humour); ensures that if you're going to have pregnancy symptoms, then the ones which are most obvious and difficult to hide (except perhaps for the baby bump itself), will occur during those first three, special months. Ha ha!

Morning sickness is a most unpleasant side-effect of being pregnant. Throwing up is a terrible feeling, and if you're unlucky then you might have to do this every day of your first trimester. And of course it's not just confined to the morning (or in some cases, to just the first trimester..)

If you're working, then continuously rushing to the loo and hurling is difficult to explain away. Excuses like food poisoning or stomach bugs can only be given for so long - although a suspected, mystery food intolerance can perhaps buy you a little more time!

Preventative measures are definitely one thing to try. Try keeping some dry crackers by your desk and surreptitiously munch them to stave off nausea. Some people find that ginger biscuits are also useful for settling the stomach.

If you're not working then you can try to avoid seeing people during the time when you're normally sick, although this can sometimes be difficult to predict.

Tiredness is a common symptom of early pregnancy. Sometimes, and often at the most inopportune time (such as during a meeting or at a family gathering), you might get the overwhelming urge to sleep. Pregnancy tiredness can be shattering, and almost impossible to resist.

However, as long as falling asleep isn't a constant thing, you can always claim that it's a result of a late night out. Or if you really want to throw people off the scent, a hangover!

If you're at work and you want turn your tiredness into a plus-point, you could say that you were up most of the night working! (Although you might need to be able to provide some evidence for this, so be careful with this one..)

Tiredness is easier to explain away than morning sickness. Depending on how imaginative you are you can blame it on such things as a gruelling new exercise regime, a change of diet, a bug, a vitamin deficiency, an addiction to late-night TV, noisy neighbours preventing you from sleeping, or a family member (or even pet) keeping you awake.

Some people also experience strange food cravings during their first few months. These can be quite difficult to resist, but if you don't want them to give you away, try to keep them in check. Indulge in those chocolate spread and pickled onion sandwiches by all means - but tuck in while nobody's looking, and try to do it in the privacy of your own home!

Although most women don't start to develop a baby bump until after the first trimester, some do start to show earlier. And this is especially true if you've already had one child or more. Assuming anybody is rude enough to comment on your expanding waistline, you could try saying that you've been eating too much recently. Or perhaps that it's down to female bloating or water retention. (Hopefully this might even embarrass them into silence! Although if they're insensitive enough to have commented in the first place, then maybe not..)

You could always try dressing strategically to hide your belly. Try googling "dress to hide stomach" for some ideas. Here's a site I found with some helpful ideas.

Most people wouldn't dream of querying any weight gain around somebody else's stomach area. Firstly there's the possibility that they might be wrong about you being pregnant - which would risk downright embarrassment for the both of you. And secondly, as I've said above, this would just be rude!

For the most part, what seems to you like a massive baby mound, will go completely unnoticed by others. So don't draw attention to it, and it's more than likely nobody will notice a thing.

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Comments 28 comments

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Nice, informative hub on a subject I know very little about. In my day, it was "Get thee to a nunnery!" Nice job.

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sandra rinck 7 years ago

Yeah keeping your mouth shut is pretty hard especially when hormones are out of control and all you want is some understaning as to why you seemed "whacked" lately.

Headaches and food aversion are also hard to keep seceret. I remember my first food aversion. Broccoli! I love, love, love broccoli yet, the very smell of it make me vomit...

Oh lord and heartburn lol- the tiredness was dead on! Before I told anyone at work I was pregnant...actually before I even knew I was prego, I was falling asleep at my computer still upright and all. lol

thanks for the hub bub! -not that I requested it or anything

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 7 years ago from London Author

Thanks Cristoph! I'm glad that it was informative. And that times have changed.. :)

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 7 years ago from London Author

Thanks a lot for your comment Sandra. Yep, you're right, it's really hard to keep quiet about all of the other symptoms as well. Apart from my expanding waistline, which I was certain everyone noticed (wrongly as it turns out!) and the nausea, my main difficulty was that I was so excited that I was just dying to share the news with my friends at work.

Headaches in early pregnancy must be very annoying and take the shine off the excitement a bit! I suppose though that this symptom alone doesn't automatically lead people to suspect that you might be pregnant.. Although it's a common symptom, it doesn't seem to be one that a lot of people are familiar with.

Ooh heartburn. I was lucky to avoid this until my third trimester. But annoyingly it's something that has stuck with me ever since (and my daughter's now 3..) Kind of like a souvenir of my pregnancy!

You're welcome! Happy Hubbing!

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sandra rinck 7 years ago

LOL, that sucks about the heartburn that never went away. :(  But nice... a souvenir!  I didn't get morning sickness, so I don't really know what it is about.  I probably only barfed a couple of times so headaches and the expanding waistline and heartburn where really it for me.

But I hear ya about wanting to tell everyone about it because your so excited.  It unfair!  I actually told everyone right away, mostly I was in shock to find out I was gonna have a kid.  I was still in some denial until I heard her heart beat for the first time.

Even then I was still a little skeptical but when I saw her on the ultrasound... well then then it all came like a rush of blood to the head and I got mommy syndrome. :) 

LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

My mother's advice was only to tell people in the first 12 weeks if I'd tell them about a miscarriage.

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 7 years ago from London Author

Sandra, yes, I can understand being in denial until you hear the heartbeat and have the scan. So easy to think you're imagining the whole thing!

LondonGirl, thanks for your comment, and I think that's good advice.

Lou1842 profile image

Lou1842 6 years ago

I told friends and family within about 4 days of finding out I was pregnant. Although I kept it quiet at work until I was 12 weeks. This was hard especially as one day I nearly fainted! But I'm glad I did as it kept me from moaning about how awful I felt - I would have turned into an annoying pregnant woman.

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 6 years ago from London Author

That's nice that your family knew so early. Yes, fainting probably would have made people a bit suspicious that something was going on! I like your reason for waiting to tell people at work, I remember that once I'd told work people I did turn into quite a moany person! Thanks for your comment.

Privatepeople 6 years ago

My partner and I decided when secretly trying to fall pregnant that when we did fall pregnant we'd only tell immediate family until the first trimester scan was all clear. Now 8 weeks pregnant, the most difficult part has been explaining why I'm suddenly not drinking alcohol. Still, I'm determined and have been bracing myself to keep it quiet over Xmas. I found out tonight that my future mother-in-law has told everyone she knows. In her excitement she forgot that it's supposed to be a secret. We are really disappointed because we aren't ready to discuss it with other people yet. Now I'm regretting telling anyone!

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 6 years ago from London Author

Oh dear, that scuppered your plans! I can sympathise as I would have been disappointed too. In fact I suspected that this might have happened when, like you, we only told our closest relatives - and I'm still not 100% certain that everyone kept it secret when they were supposed to. I suppose with exciting news it can be hard, you just want to tell someone! Still, that's water under the bridge now. Best of luck with your pregnancy. :)

Joanne F 5 years ago

I have to go onto light duties straight away at work as I'm a police officer. I've told my boss already, but other people are going to start asking why i'm on light duties and I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. I'm racking my brains trying to think of an excuse for being stuck in the office. Can anyone help please???

Clare 5 years ago

oh dear! i told everyone straight away aswell was too excited and scared too lol i called to make an appt with the midwife and she told me over the fone it was probly a false positive she broke my heart. now im worried im not even preggers n everyone thinks i made it up iv done 4 tests and iv got all the symtoms anyone been told the same???

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 5 years ago from London Author

Joanne, that's a difficult one. I'm guessing that you can't just leave it at "health problems"; people are probably more nosey than that. Failing being vague like this, or simply saying you have "female problems", (which I'm guessing might be awkward in such a male-dominated environment), perhaps you can say that you've got an injury, maybe a back injury. Many people suffer with their back.

Maybe somebody else can come up with some other ideas for you...

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 5 years ago from London Author

Hello Clare, I don't understand why the midwife would say that your result was probably a false positive. I feel that we are maybe missing some information, as it's quite an unusual thing for a midwife to say. And as long as you've tested at the right time and used the test correctly, it is quite unusual to have a false positive. (Although it does happen. But to get four is rather less common..)

Does she maybe think that you tested too early? Or that you might have used the test incorrectly? Does she have any other reason to think that you might not be pregnant despite the test results? It seems very strange indeed.

Don't worry about what other people will say, I would try to see the midwife or another medical professional if you think that you are pregnant and you are not being believed. I hope you manage to resolve this.

Cecy 5 years ago

I am 4 weeks 6 days. Experiencing many this normal??

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 5 years ago from London Author

When researching my other hub about early pregnancy symptoms, I found out that headaches can occur within the first month of pregnancy, for various reasons. They could be due to stress, hormones, or the effect of the increased blood-flow that occurs in pregnancy.

Of course if you're concerned about something it's always worth checking with your doctor.

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 5 years ago from London Author

(Oh, and congratulations Cecy!)

emdi profile image

emdi 5 years ago

Very nice article. One thing that is missed in the article and many people hesitant to discuss is gassing during the early pregnancy. I have written a hub about this and readers of this hub will find it funny and informative

ambu 5 years ago

Thank you, for given a message its very useful for our genaration.

Kerry 5 years ago

Help!!! I'm currently 5-6 weeks pregnant and need some excuses for why I'm no longer drinking alcohol!! I have a quite a few social events over the next few weekends and my family and friends like a few glasses of wine (to say the least!) if I suddenly say I'm not drinking then EVERYONE will know our secret and my partner and I want to keep it quiet until our first scan. Can anyone give me some ideas/excuses??

Also Joanne F, I'm a serving police officer too but I've told my Sgt and he has agreed to keep things quiet for me and keep me on response until my first scan so long as I risk assess everything I do (which believe me is all I do!!) I really didn't want to go on light duties as I know that everyone would guess my secret (and I didn't want to blame it on 'women's problems' as I'm the only female on my rota) what reason did you give in the end?

Casonia sade Logenberry 4 years ago

I really love being pregnant..To know there is a life growing inside of me and knowing there will be some one here! Long after...I am Gone...Is truly a Gift!A Blood line is so important and having alittle piece of me on this Earth...(Is a Real Circle of Life) Yes with each day and each week, and each month is a true Blue Blessing!

Adelaide 4 years ago

I'm 3 weeks pregnant and I'm over the moon keeping it a secret is such a hustle for us...I have back pains and abnominal pains is normal?

flygirl 4 years ago

I am 4 1/2 weeks pregnant and had to go to a 30th party on Sat night. I brought some sparkling apple juice with me in a water bottle and every time I got a champagne I would go to the bathroom, pour out the champagne and re-fill with the sparkling apple juice! Then my husband would bring me 'G&T's' which were only soda water with lemon. It worked.. had pretty much everyone fooled except it was difficult to pretend I was getting drunk. So I spaced out my drinks.

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 4 years ago from London Author

I agree Casonia, and I feel the same. Thank you for your comment, and sorry it's taken me a while to reply.

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 4 years ago from London Author

Congratulations Adelaide! Because it's taken me a while to respond, you must be nearly 4 months pregnant now. I hope everything's going well, and that you found a way of keeping the secret until you wanted to tell. I'm not medically qualified so wouldn't have been able to advise you on your pains with any authority. Only that I got pains there when I was pregnant, I think they were from the ligaments stretching. But I hope it all turned out ok. Best wishes and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Moon Daisy profile image

Moon Daisy 4 years ago from London Author

Congratulations flygirl! And what ingenious thinking, lol! Thanks for your great comment.

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