The many masks of LaurieDawn.

“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.”  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld~

 

I was perusing the pages of Hub and I found a very interesting concept, not everyone follows but many do. They bring avatars and alter egos to the forefront, to conceal their true self. There are so many that do not want to be discovered, they just want a place that they can go and write what they will, write what moves them, what comes from their past and their present, and wish to remain anonymous. They don the masks of their persona that they have created upon these pages. Just as we do in life at times, hiding behind those masks.

 

This is what prompted me to write, or should I say gave me the inspiration to think, and write about how I find my life at times. I wear many masks in my life, giving the time, the place, the people, the social interactions, or at times even sitting here in my own world. I wear the masks of many colors, and many varieties. I wear the masks to conceal what I feel at times, as not to offend anyone. Do I always care what they think, or is it perhaps more of my own embarrassment? I would have to say both. There are times I care what people think, and there are times I just don’t want people to know what I am thinking.

 

Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I don’t care about people, certain people and what they think of me, it is just that at times I do not want to put more burden upon loved ones. Or that I do not want people to see me, upset, panic, crying, on the brink of that nervous breakdown and a myriad of other emotions. I do not put myself out there so to speak; I would rather hide in my own seclusion. I would rather be snuggled up with my own insecurities, instead of putting them out for the entire world to see. This is one of the largest hurdles I have faced in my life. The many masks I wear and not wanting to take them off to let them see the “true” me.

No, it is not a healthy take on life, nor one I would ever recommend taking upon yourself and hiding away from the world. I have set a goal for myself this coming up year, or years, or however long it takes. As you can see I am in no hurry. I am going to try and remove some of the masks to enhance my relationships with family and friends. To try and put more of myself out there, kind of a self-help experience I hope. It is to learn to slowly take off the disguise from myself and expose myself to a different approach than I have used in the past.

Some people talk about all the baggage they carry around from their past, and I not only have the baggage, but also they are filled with masks. I have one for every occasion, fear, panic, insecurity, love, anger, like, and every other emotion that you could put in the list. I have learned that in order to have it all, you must risk it all, and how could you possibly risk it if you are wearing a mask. You can’t! Do I enjoy the concept of being exposed, do I like the thought of being stripped bare and having the emotions play across my face. Not at all! But it is time to shatter those delusions, it is time to break off those masks and toss them into the timeless void.

 

I have came to the realization if I want to help myself get over certain issues in my life, I must peel back the mask and expose myself to myself. Peeling back layer upon layer, and reading each one, reading between the lines upon my soul, to pry apart those inner layers and come to grips what really lays beneath. I want to leave those masks behind, I truly do. I have found that I do not like myself at times; I do not like what ravages my mind. I am tired of carrying the burdens of not knowing myself enough to know what will help rid myself of all the excess stuff that rattles around in my head.

 

I could buy all the self-help books in the world, I could read all that materials I could get my hands on, I could try every single tip I have ever learned on how to gain that power back, but if I refuse to throw off those masks, how will I ever succeed.

 

I won’t.

I haven’t.

 

It is time to do something different.

I could lose myself in a bottle of pills, and by that I don’t mean anything other than take this or take that, it will help your panic, your stress, alleviate your pain. I could stay locked up in my world, never leaving it to venture outside of myself, and then I look in the mirror and I see that mask that I myself have placed there, and it is time, time to yank it off and shatter it against that very same mirror. Not literal, but perhaps in a figurative or metaphorical type way.

 

I want to be healed; I know that the scars shall always be in their place, but who cares anymore. Without the mask, I shall wear those scars proud. In all the glorious beauty of how they were earned, it is time to put away the masks, and don the face of reality. Exposed, vulnerable, and all the barriers gone, and then perhaps I can buy a brand new mirror and I just might like the image I see reflecting back at me.

 

 

“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was.  I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory.  I was naïve.  I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions, which I, and only I, could answer.  It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with:  that I am nobody but myself.”  ~Ralph Ellison~

 

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Comments 28 comments

Darlene Sabella profile image

Darlene Sabella 5 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

Yes, very true, that is way I use my real name, and now that I am very old, I am open to share the good, bad and ugly, but I can't stand to see myself in the mirror, it's an old lady, and that is not who I am or how I feel. My avatar represents the real truth of who I am, my stories are put forth for release on one hand and to help others on the other. But, I notice mostly nobody uses their real name, if you ever dream or wish to be known as a writer, using your real name is important for that. Others are not wearing masks as I see it, I believe they don't trust as so many eyes are reading and looking into your life, for me, who cares on on my last chapter. Oh, by the way, nice to hear from you, you have been quiet lately. Rate up love & peace darski


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago

Laurie Dawn ,hey this is one of the best and most honest hubs on this whole site. And from one of the most real people I "Know" here. I wish you power and peace. And for such honesty ...A big hug. Thank you for speaking something I think we all understand.


CheyenneAutumn profile image

CheyenneAutumn 5 years ago

Laurie - we share a name as well as thoughts on self. Life does at times need healing. Taking that open and honest look at self is the first and often hardest step. I agree we all wear masks in life, and have found that more times then not the mask is lined with mirrors that still reflect that true self we try to hide. Thank you for sharing this part of you with me, and others here who know of the honesty you speak.

Be Well and again thank you for keeping it real!

CheyenneAutumn - Laurie


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Whoah, much soul searching going on here. I salute you on your quest. If your poetry was good as it was before, this period of removing the mask should make your words spectacular. Wishing you the best. Peace.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

Laurie - It's good to see you writing again and what you have written makes me very happy. There is a time and place for everything and you needed time to want this to happen. Knowing you have made a decision, I'm confident you will arrive at the very best place for you. You already know you have the support of many but I'll remind you. Love & Peace


Paula 5 years ago

Laur...I've seen behind the mask, and I love the person who lives there. I knew you before you had any masks in place. Throw them away, Sister. There's a beautiful soul inside of you....Hugs.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Darski, I have to say that I love your words, and your openness that you share here with all of us. And when I look at your avatar, I smile. If perhaps you seen an old lady as you put it, I see a woman who is full of life and energy, spreading it around with us all! And for that I thank you, for revealing yourself here in this land of Hub.

*hugs Girlfriend*

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Dear Ahorseback, you know it is kind of funny, I know your first name and yet I prefer your nick on here, I saw your avatars before you put up your real picture, and I enjoy both. When I "see" you on here, I always think of wild horses running on the beach, and I rather like that. And now of course I can see you wild and riding one of those bareback. The images we put in our minds are incredible aren't they. And thank you for your lovely compliments. You are one of those special people that makes this a really great experience.

*hugs*

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Laurie! It is a pleasure to have you here, and thank you for your nice comments. Yes, at times we all wear those masks for whatever reasons we do, and isn't it nice to take them off, and looking at our naked souls. Even if we do not always like what we see, I have realized that it is who we are, and do we have regrets, of course at times, but even with that, we are who we are. The good, the bad and the ugly. We just have to learn to live it with as much grace as we can muster I think.

Take care Sweet Lady,

*hugs*

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Doug,

I am flattered and I think you made me blush. There is always soul-searching going on in my neck of the woods, I know of no other way, hence where most of my poetry is bred from. Thank you Doug for your comments, they brought a smile to my day.

*hugs*

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Dear Sweet Lady,

Yes, it is good to be back, and amongst the wonderful scribes of this land. I have missed you all. I have returned to school, yay! At my age even! So haven't had much time to write, trying to spend that energy on assignments and study. But it is time, time to tear off all those masks and start liking myself again, and get back into the swing of things. Or at least giving it one heck of a shot! I need to wander over to your pages, and hoping I have more time soon!

*hugs*

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Dear Sweet Sister of my heart. You too are beautiful, and I have missed you. Hopefully we can get together soon!

Love Laur

xoxo


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Such candid and honest words are a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing with us, Laurie; life does heal us if we open our hearts to this. Hugs, my dear...you're quite a gal.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Genna, I have had to learn that the hard way, of opening our hearts and ourselves in ways that I did not do before, in order to heal, and perhaps one day soar again. It is nice to see your smiling face and brightening my day. Thanks Dear Lady!

*hugs*

Laurie


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...you are one terrifc writer Miss Laurie Dawn - I am always absorbed and moved by your profound words - and I am always eager to look behind 'the mask' and find the person (s) within - and it's pretty obvious that you are someone special with a talent for communicating your feelings whether it be through poetry, prose and an inspiring essay like this one - absolutely hubfantastic!!!!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

What a beautiful writing Dawn. You like many of us have worn masks for years, I doubt any single human being wears only one mask all of their lifetime, instead we change masks like we change our clothing, daily.

I have masks of failure, success, ego, anger, hate, pain, remorse, lust, joy, faith,disbelief,heaven, hell and so many others.

From day to day I search my heart and soul to place on the right mask, but for who? and why? I have to deal with what I hide inside. I bear my soul at the Hubs and tear off each mask as I scribe.

Thank you for this brilliant exposure of your soul, we are kindred spirits my fellow scribe. Big hugs from me to you.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Epi Dear Man! You flatter me with your glowing words! I have to say that I am one of those types that love to run around and look into people's minds through their words, and through their emotions, or poetry or whatever they may write here in the land of Hubs. Some make me smile, some make me cry, and some just make me want to give them a great big hug!

So here is a hug from me to you!

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Saddlerider, thank you Kind Man for stopping by and for your compliments. I have found that I enjoy the mysteries of life, and trying to find out what lays behind a person's mask at times and at other times, it can be a scary place.

And we all wear the masks, donning them for this and for that, and I believe the true test of getting to know one's self is peeling them back and exposing ourself. It is all a journey, and I want to live it to the fullest, in whatever way that entails. It certainly would be nice at times, not to have that pain of some of the masks.

*Hugs*

Laurie


Justsilvie 5 years ago

Your writing has always shown a truly loving, kind and very humane person. Stripping of the masks will only show how you got to that state. *hugs to you*


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Silvie! You flatter me, and I have found that over the years I put those masks on and now all I need to do is learn to take them off!

It is good to "see" you again!

*hugs*

Laurie


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

What a spectacular piece of writing. Your love totally shines through, it was a joy to read. Thank you.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Sweet Acaetnna! It is always such a pleasure to have you stop by and see your pretty smile.

*hugs*

Laurie


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Laurie the truth in this piece of writing and the way you have written it, is simply beautiful.

We all wear our masks, some more prominently then others but each of us have our forms of veils, which we reveal layer by layer to only those with whom we feel sheltered, safe and protected o in complete contrast, sometimes a pure stranger.

P.S: Couldn't keep myself away from writing, do check it out if you have the time, might be a series. :)


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Dearest Qudsia!

It is so wonderful to see you again Darling! I have missed you and have been so swamped with schoolwork, and household duties, I haven't had much time to be on here, and I have missed you. Thank you for your lovely compliments, and yes we all do wear those mask, so many times, and so many different kinds.

I am on my way over there now! You know I always wait for your writings!

*hugs*

Laurie


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 5 years ago from Missouri

Dear LaurieDawn,

We all wear masks, of one kind or another. I think the true dawning of our spirit comes when we accept that we do not need them anymore ~ to hide our pain, from ourselves and others. There is only room for Peace when we let go of Fear.

I was just reminded of this today when I read vocalcoach's hub, Shakespear Simply Said " To Thine Own Self Be True " - Is This Practical? You can find it here http://hubpages.com/health/Howtobetruetoyourself

I applaud YOU for summoning the courage to expect more!

~With Love! Scarlett


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Dear Scarlett,

Thank you for sharing that with me. How true that is! To shed those masks and be exposed to ourselves, knowing that we can sleep each night with the knowledge of being able to look at our own reflection in the mirror.

It is nice to see you again! I hope all is well!

xoxo

Laurie


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Laurie where art thou? The series awaits you and I wait for you to write something for me to read, oh please do write. :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Laurie-I am inspired by your raw honesty and thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you in your journey of discovery :-)

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