A Cheat's Guide To Christmas! Bah Humbug!

Oh Yeah Why Bother?!

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public domain

How many of us get absolutely exhausted doing all the stuff we do at Christmas? Is it really necessary? We go out and buy the food, store it away for the big day. Then buy the Turkey, spend hours and hours cooking it, then when you are finally stuffed mentally and physically you are so tired that you can just about enjoy a glass of wine or something a bit stronger.

And what about buying those gifts and presents? Why does everything have to be so darn expensive? Here's a little secret for you. It doesn't have to be hard work or expensive. Just cheat a little. Christmas is supposed to be for the family, so with a bit of tinkering here and there you can get away with a really cheapo Christmas! Ah Ha!

And let's face it, most of the people you give gifts too never appreciate it! For example what was wrong with the woolly sweater with the reindeer on? My brother is so ungrateful! And so what if I bought my cousin a DVD that she already had? She can watch it again can't she?


Be A Food Cheat!

  • Don't bother to keep buying up loads of vegetables and chocolates, just get in the car and head down to your local store late at night before they close. There is always a sale on the food, just take a great big box and fill it up with bargains!
  • Clear out your freezer so that you have enough room for all the cheap food. Don't want it going off now do we? Shove everything in there even the chocolates, you can always thaw them out the day before Christmas!
  • Buy all your chips and crisps from the wholesaler. Or even better, go to the market and grab a huge box of them. Most sellers will be happy to sell you 200 packets for a discount!
  • Instead of buying the Turkey at the last minute when the prices are sky high why not buy one in January and store it in that freezer again?! Okay, as long as the bills don't get too high and you lose your electricity supply you should be able to avoid salmonella!
  • If you really are lazy, or just plain desperate to get more food get back to those supermarkets and wait for the guys to throw the out of date food away. Grab it as they throw it in the trash, then leg it pretty quickly!

Get Your Cheap Food Here!

seattlepi.com
seattlepi.com

The Cheapest Christmas Presents Ever!

  • Go to Super-drug or the pound or dollar store. You can buy loads of stuff for kids there, and hey how will they know that the pen set, or dippy dog you bought was so cheap? They should be grateful for a toy, not moan! Bah Humbug!
  • For him. Why? What's he done for you this year? make sure that you buy him something appropriate such as Toiletries if he only buys you stupid things like kitchen equipment. Unless he's been good then that's different, splash out. If he's lucky he may just get himself a new razor!
  • For her. Same old same old. Makeup from the dollar store, stockings from the buy one get one free shop over the road from your house. Well, why make too much effort? She will only throw them in the drawer and say Thanks Darlin' now get me a drink!
  • Splash out on the family pet. That's allowed. Dogs and cats are loyal. They don't moan, whinge whine or play up. They behave themselves. So make sure you spend your money making them as comfortable and well fed as possible.
  • And don't forget Grandma. She is always good for a cook book. Get her the one you bought her last year. She won't remember. Just grab it back and wrap it. Simple.
  • Grandad? May be a bit more difficult. Especially if you bought him those nose clippers. They may be a bit dirty. Clean 'em off, and dip em in the sink with brasso. That will do it. Then wrap it up nicely.

Happy Christmas!

Just before Christmas stuff the Turkey, defrost that darn freezer and get the chocolate out. It may have gone a funny color by now but hey who cares? Its chocolate. Cook up all the food at once, and put it on really pretty paper plates. This way you can blame the paper if the food tastes like cardboard.

Then wrap yourself silly with the Christmas paper. Make sure each present looks so nice it don't matter what the hell it looks like when its opened.

And last but not least. Make sure you feed the dog lots of scraps, so when it starts making funny noises and smells, it will take away the attention from your secret of cheap presents. Lets face it, who wants to read a cook book when the dog stinks?

Happy Cheating Christmas!

Blame It On The Dawg!

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© 2012 Nell Rose

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Comments 91 comments

lovedoctor926 22 months ago

Lol. great hub!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 22 months ago from England Author

Hiya Doc, lol! yes bah humbug! I never do anything at christmas these days, I just go to my sons and let him and his girlfriend run around after me! Heehee! thanks!


lovedoctor926 22 months ago

You really made me laugh! The picture speaks for itself. The title caught my attention. You're so right! Grocery shopping and cooking during the holidays can be overwhelming. I just buy gift cards. lol.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 22 months ago from England Author

Hiya Jo, LOLOLOLO! thanks for the laugh! are you sure you don't want granpa's clippers? LOL!


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 22 months ago from Somewhere in the West

You're simply ridiculous ha ha ha? old expired food stuff? do you know those things turn worms on or before the expiry date? There's a reason why they are throwing it away.

Why would you do an old senile lady that Nell? re-wrap a gift, that is senior citizen abuse! I am calling adult support services! Your mean.

and cleaning off grandpa clippers is even more gross i would not want to touch that :( ewww!!!

here's what please don't even buy me a Christmas present. LOL


Better Living profile image

Better Living 3 years ago

Too funny. Can't wait for your next hub!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi Jama, that sounds great to me! lol! my friend always goes to a restaurant for Christmas lunch she says it is much cheaper and so much easier, luckily I went to my sons and his girlfriends this year, it was great!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 3 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Funnnny hub, Nell! My experience, though, is cheap gifts go straight to the trash bin, so why bother? The LEAST expensive gift of all is my good wishes. Timeless. No wrapping required except slipping the Christmas card into an envelope, addressing, stamping. As for feeding the hungry hoards, why waste electricity and freezer space, or kill yourself in a hot kitchen? Pick a (decent) restaurant that's open on Christmas Eve and take the whole lot there. Compare the bill to all the grocery bills for stocking up pre-holiday and 9 times out of 10, the restaurant route is wayyyy cheaper. Plus no prep time, no washing up after, no wasted leftovers.

Am I a Scrooge? Not totally. For the other 11 months of the year I gift loved ones with items I **know** they want and will appreciate ( a certain book or DVD, for instance), items that won't go straight to the bin. Sometimes if I'm feeling especially holiday-ish, I'll wrap the items in the Christmas paper I got for 70%-off the week after The Day, thereby doubling the surprise value in late-spring or mid-summer. ;D


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks guys, hope you all had a great Christmas!


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 3 years ago from Cheshire, UK

Great lighthearted hub! I have bought my Cats a new scratching post with three tiers and a swinging hammock! They are having roast chicken drumsticks for their christmas dinner too!


Kathleen Kerswig 3 years ago

Good job with this Hub! Voted up! The pets get my vote for all the gifts. I love my cats and they take advantage of that every chance they get. Hope you're having a wonderful holiday!


Jennifer Stone profile image

Jennifer Stone 3 years ago from the Riverbank, England

A great laugh for Christmas Eve, thank you! :-) I love that you say to spend all the money on the pets, good thinking! The only ones who truly deserve it for sure... lol

Voted up and all sorts, and a very merry Christmas to you... all the best with Yuletide wishes, Jen


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks Maria, and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas too, and God bless Jessica Rekos too, nell


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Nell,

I needed to shake up my reading with some lightheartedness. Thank you so much for putting a knowing smile on my face...oh, how I relate!

In keeping with Honey BB's challenge, this is the 20th of 26 hubs I am reading today.

This hub is dedicated to Jessica Rekos (05-10-06) and may her sweet soul rest in peace.

Merry Christmas to you, dear woman. Hugs, Maria


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi midget, glad you liked my funny ideas! lol! and thanks for reading, nell


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

Hi Nell, we need these tips right at about this time! Thanks for sharing....I enjoy going to wholesales, actually. Sometimes, they have more stuff to look at than in ordinary shopping situations. Thanks for sharing!! I will pass this along.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Thanks beth, glad you liked it, nell


bethperry profile image

bethperry 3 years ago from Tennesee

Nell, some good advice and laughs too here! Really enjoyed this Hub.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi kitty, lol! now that's what I like to hear! Have a great Christmas, nell


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 3 years ago from England Author

Hi teaches, lol! but not the salmonella! thanks for reading, and have a great Christmas!


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