Disgusting, Inappropriate Names for Pet Turkeys

IT'S TIME WE STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE AND THOUGHT ABOUT TURKEYS

Think about it. We Americans have had it good when it comes to our annual Thanksgiving feast. Especially when our “guest of honor,” just happens to be the lowly, abused, and under-appreciated turkey. Oh, you never thought of turkeys in these terms? Neither did I. But after some serious, in-depth reading about turkeys, their raising and background, I was ready to run right out of my home, find a rafter* of turkeys and apologize to them all.

Seriously. My main point is this: We civilized mortals have taken full-advantage of the poor turkey for generations and all without one fearful-complaint from the turkey. We go to the grocery store, shop all of the turkeys and when we decide on “the” biggest, cheapest, and most-popular name-brand turkey, “we seal the deal,” and our Thanksgiving with our families and friends is going to be the best ever.

CHICKENS GOT ALL THE LUCK

Why did the chicken get out of this horrible gig? And friends, unless you have seen films on how turkeys are treated and their lives taken for the sake of our stomachs, you will never feel any compassion for this bird that should be our national symbol replacing the eagle. You will just continue to gorge yourself on and after Thanksgiving on turkey that is baked, fried, and even Cajun Style turkey just because no one has called us out on this festive-tradition. And with not one single complaint from all of the surviving turkeys whose time will come next year.

It’s morbid. The consumption percentage of turkey. More at Thanksgiving and Christmas than any time of the year. Sure. No argument that turkey is a healthy meat for “us” to stay healthy, but there is no one in sight who is brave enough to stand-up for the millions of turkeys who sacrifice their lives just for us and our insatiable appetites.

WHY AREN'T WE COMPASSIONATE TOWARD TURKEYS?

Consider for a moment, the turkey, which is one of the most mentally-challenged fowls of the fowl world. FACT: watch a rafter* of turkeys during a summer rainstorm and you will see that none of these turkeys who are so giving to us on major holidays, never make any effort to get under a shelter out of the rain. Even a lowly-chicken, vulture or hawk knows to get to a dry place.

I am to the point of not being able to write anymore about how we treat turkeys. Except I found out in my turkey research that there are some who adopt turkeys for pets just like a cat or dog. And give their turkey pets the same old disgusting, over-used names such as “Tom,” or “Giblets.” Yukkk.

You think those names are inappropriate? Just read this list of

Disgusting, Inappropriate Names for Pet Turkeys

We have already studied “Tom,” and “Giblets,” so let’s look at these names that disgrace our humble friend, the turkey:

• “Gobblestein” – it’s a turkey, not a glass of imported beer.
• “Turk” – no to this name too. It is a turkey, not “Friar Tuck,” from a Robin Hood film.
• “Butter” – yeah, real loving of you to try to give the brand, Butterball, some free publicity.
• “Thomas” – same as the asinine name of “Tom.” Are you hung-up on this awful name?
• “Chuck” – are you kidding me? No one is this supid.
• “Gene” – I was wrong. There “are” people who are this stupid. I am curious. How does “Gene” relate to a turkey?
• “Wishbone” – a turkey is not the character from “Rawhide,” played by Paul Brinegar.
• “Clyde” – my home state of Alabama’s Governor, Robert Bentley, “pardoned” the state turkey this week. What a working public relations and photo opportunity this was.
• “Hatchet” – is just a chilling-reminder of what the majority of turkeys meet prior to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• “Chopping Block” – see above comment.
• “Duster” – this is just too much. In olden times, feather dusters were made with turkey feathers.
• “Gravy” – can these names get any more ignorant?
• “Boozer” – again. This is a turkey, not a hound dog, Bubba.
• “Bill” – I give up.

We must be part barbarian to always remember a turkey at Thanksgiving and Christmas whose legacy is laying spread-eagle on a dining room table with all of our relatives gazing at him.

Hold it. I was talking about Charlie Sheen, not turkeys.

*group of turkeys are referred to as rafters.

Turkey Fact:

Did you know, or can you recall life in the 70's? I can. And I can clearly recall how low, sickening, and vulgar some uppity people who thought they were being cool when they initiated the calling of people who were not as cool as them, "turkeys."

• True fact. I can hear this stupid phrase abusing my eardrums even now. "Hey, turkey, didn't you know that those shoes were not for us cool dudes?"
• Even once-superstar Burt Reynolds who starred as "Bo Darville," in "Smokey and The Bandit," used the filthy phrase in one scene when he told "Snowman," played by the late Jerry Reed, "Well, 'Snowman,' I'm gonna get back on the job and then put some moves on them turkeys!" He was not even grammatically-correct in this rube threat. "those turkeys," is what he should have bellowed over his CB radio.
• So just for your information, remember that the bird, the turkey and phrase, "turkey" are not new to us in 2014.

Source: Me. Kenneth Avery

The Turkey: a Bird of Noble Heritage

• The turkey is a large bird in the genus Meleagris, which is native to the Americas. One species, Meleagris gallopavo (commonly known as the wild turkey or domestic turkey), is native to the forests of North America, mainly Mexico and the United States. The other living species is Meleagris ocellata or the ocellated turkey, native to the forests of the Yucatán Peninsula. Males of both turkey species have a distinctive fleshy wattle or protuberance that hangs from the top of the beak (called a snood). They are among the largest birds in their ranges. As in many galliformes, the male is larger and much more colorful than the female.
• History and naming
  When Europeans first encountered turkeys in America, they incorrectly identified the birds as a type of guineafowl (Numididae). Guineafowl were also known as turkey fowl (or turkey hen and turkey cock) because they were imported to Central Europe through Turkey. The name turkey fowl, shortened to just the name of the country, stuck as the name of the North American bird. In 1550, the English navigator William Strickland, who had introduced the turkey into England, was granted a coat of arms including a "turkey-cock in his pride proper".
• Several other birds that are sometimes called turkeys are not particularly closely related: the Australian brushturkey is a megapode, and the bird sometimes known as the "Australian turkey" is the Australian bustard, a gruiform. The anhinga (Anhinga rufa) is sometimes called a water turkey, from the shape of its tail when the feathers are fully spread for drying.

Source: Wikipedia