Disgusting, Inappropriate Names for Pet Turkeys

God bless this noble bird
God bless this noble bird
Power in numbers
Power in numbers

IT'S TIME WE STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE AND THOUGHT ABOUT TURKEYS

Think about it. We Americans have had it good when it comes to our annual Thanksgiving feast. Especially when our “guest of honor,” just happens to be the lowly, abused, and under-appreciated turkey. Oh, you never thought of turkeys in these terms? Neither did I. But after some serious, in-depth reading about turkeys, their raising and background, I was ready to run right out of my home, find a rafter* of turkeys and apologize to them all.

Seriously. My main point is this: We civilized mortals have taken full-advantage of the poor turkey for generations and all without one fearful-complaint from the turkey. We go to the grocery store, shop all of the turkeys and when we decide on “the” biggest, cheapest, and most-popular name-brand turkey, “we seal the deal,” and our Thanksgiving with our families and friends is going to be the best ever.

Impostor
Impostor

CHICKENS GOT ALL THE LUCK

Why did the chicken get out of this horrible gig? And friends, unless you have seen films on how turkeys are treated and their lives taken for the sake of our stomachs, you will never feel any compassion for this bird that should be our national symbol replacing the eagle. You will just continue to gorge yourself on and after Thanksgiving on turkey that is baked, fried, and even Cajun Style turkey just because no one has called us out on this festive-tradition. And with not one single complaint from all of the surviving turkeys whose time will come next year.

It’s morbid. The consumption percentage of turkey. More at Thanksgiving and Christmas than any time of the year. Sure. No argument that turkey is a healthy meat for “us” to stay healthy, but there is no one in sight who is brave enough to stand-up for the millions of turkeys who sacrifice their lives just for us and our insatiable appetites.

Without turkeys, this would not be possible
Without turkeys, this would not be possible

WHY AREN'T WE COMPASSIONATE TOWARD TURKEYS?

Consider for a moment, the turkey, which is one of the most mentally-challenged fowls of the fowl world. FACT: watch a rafter* of turkeys during a summer rainstorm and you will see that none of these turkeys who are so giving to us on major holidays, never make any effort to get under a shelter out of the rain. Even a lowly-chicken, vulture or hawk knows to get to a dry place.

I am to the point of not being able to write anymore about how we treat turkeys. Except I found out in my turkey research that there are some who adopt turkeys for pets just like a cat or dog. And give their turkey pets the same old disgusting, over-used names such as “Tom,” or “Giblets.” Yukkk.

You think those names are inappropriate? Just read this list of

Disgusting, Inappropriate Names for Pet Turkeys

A moment of silence, please
A moment of silence, please
Hitch-hiking
Hitch-hiking
Mug shot
Mug shot
Get outta town. Now!
Get outta town. Now!
What a huge "gobbler!" This is a very-offensive title for such a regal bird
What a huge "gobbler!" This is a very-offensive title for such a regal bird

We have already studied “Tom,” and “Giblets,” so let’s look at these names that disgrace our humble friend, the turkey:

  • “Gobblestein” – it’s a turkey, not a glass of imported beer.
  • “Turk” – no to this name too. It is a turkey, not “Friar Tuck,” from a Robin Hood film.
  • “Butter” – yeah, real loving of you to try to give the brand, Butterball, some free publicity.
  • “Thomas” – same as the asinine name of “Tom.” Are you hung-up on this awful name?
  • “Chuck” – are you kidding me? No one is this supid.
  • “Gene” – I was wrong. There “are” people who are this stupid. I am curious. How does “Gene” relate to a turkey?
  • “Wishbone” – a turkey is not the character from “Rawhide,” played by Paul Brinegar.
  • “Clyde” – my home state of Alabama’s Governor, Robert Bentley, “pardoned” the state turkey this week. What a working public relations and photo opportunity this was.
  • “Hatchet” – is just a chilling-reminder of what the majority of turkeys meet prior to Thanksgiving and Christmas.
  • “Chopping Block” – see above comment.
  • “Duster” – this is just too much. In olden times, feather dusters were made with turkey feathers.
  • “Gravy” – can these names get any more ignorant?
  • “Boozer” – again. This is a turkey, not a hound dog, Bubba.
  • “Bill” – I give up.

We must be part barbarian to always remember a turkey at Thanksgiving and Christmas whose legacy is laying spread-eagle on a dining room table with all of our relatives gazing at him.

Hold it. I was talking about Charlie Sheen, not turkeys.

*group of turkeys are referred to as rafters.

Turkeys, we salute you
Turkeys, we salute you

Turkey Fact:

Did you know, or can you recall life in the 70's? I can. And I can clearly recall how low, sickening, and vulgar some uppity people who thought they were being cool when they initiated the calling of people who were not as cool as them, "turkeys."

  • True fact. I can hear this stupid phrase abusing my eardrums even now. "Hey, turkey, didn't you know that those shoes were not for us cool dudes?"
  • Even once-superstar Burt Reynolds who starred as "Bo Darville," in "Smokey and The Bandit," used the filthy phrase in one scene when he told "Snowman," played by the late Jerry Reed, "Well, 'Snowman,' I'm gonna get back on the job and then put some moves on them turkeys!" He was not even grammatically-correct in this rube threat. "those turkeys," is what he should have bellowed over his CB radio.
  • So just for your information, remember that the bird, the turkey and phrase, "turkey" are not new to us in 2014.

Source: Me. Kenneth Avery

The Turkey: a Bird of Noble Heritage

  • The turkey is a large bird in the genus Meleagris, which is native to the Americas. One species, Meleagris gallopavo (commonly known as the wild turkey or domestic turkey), is native to the forests of North America, mainly Mexico and the United States. The other living species is Meleagris ocellata or the ocellated turkey, native to the forests of the Yucatán Peninsula. Males of both turkey species have a distinctive fleshy wattle or protuberance that hangs from the top of the beak (called a snood). They are among the largest birds in their ranges. As in many galliformes, the male is larger and much more colorful than the female.
  • History and naming
    When Europeans first encountered turkeys in America, they incorrectly identified the birds as a type of guineafowl (Numididae). Guineafowl were also known as turkey fowl (or turkey hen and turkey cock) because they were imported to Central Europe through Turkey. The name turkey fowl, shortened to just the name of the country, stuck as the name of the North American bird. In 1550, the English navigator William Strickland, who had introduced the turkey into England, was granted a coat of arms including a "turkey-cock in his pride proper".
  • Several other birds that are sometimes called turkeys are not particularly closely related: the Australian brushturkey is a megapode, and the bird sometimes known as the "Australian turkey" is the Australian bustard, a gruiform. The anhinga (Anhinga rufa) is sometimes called a water turkey, from the shape of its tail when the feathers are fully spread for drying.

Source: Wikipedia

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Comments 16 comments

RTalloni profile image

RTalloni 2 years ago from the short journey

If I were given a pet turkey I would name it Smokey for two reasons. First, though it might be bad form, we love smoked turkey, but mainly because I have a smoking turkey story. As a young bride my husband drove me to Kentucky to meet his extended family. Everyone met at "the farm" where there was not a lot going on as far as farming goes. However, there was a group of turkeys kept in what looked to me like a small pasture. I watched a cousin flick a cigarette into the pasture, but didn't think much beyond "that is gross" until a few minutes later one of the turkeys began running around. Then smoke started coming out of its feathers. Poor thing was on fire! The men turned into firemen with a water hose, but the turkey proved to be difficult to douse. It was an unforgettable scene. I've no idea what happened to it after that because we weren't there very long. Still, I've never forgotten that turkey.


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Thanks for the fun and the fun facts to know about our birds of nobility. I was a tracker for turkey hunters for a few short years, pay was lousy.


ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Hi a nice and funny hub, not so funny for the turkey. We use to raise turkeys when I was a child in Indiana and they are like you said too lazy to come in out of the rain. Have a great day. Stella


whonunuwho profile image

whonunuwho 2 years ago from United States

Thanks Kenneth and happy Thanksgivig to you and yours as well. Yep...our national bird was almost the turkey if old Ben Franklin had his way. They put his name down and opted for the eagle, of course. The wild turkey is one of the most beautiful in nature when spreading its nice plummage. Nice work my friend. whonu


stylishimo1 profile image

stylishimo1 2 years ago

I think if I had a pet Turkey I would call it 'Phillipe' with a French accent.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

This was fun, Kenneth! My uncle had a pair of pet turkeys, male and female (although one died a natural death). They are sweet, affectionate animals and getting to know them I felt guilty over eating their kind.


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

First you made me hungry. Then you made me laugh. Then you provided some interesting information about turkeys like why they are called turkey. I never knew that. P.S. I find it best not to think too much about where my food comes from.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

Reading this hub was a great way to spend my morning! Voted up!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

RTalloni,

Listen to me. Please write a hub about Smokey. This was hilarious as can be. Turn it into a comedy/mystery for you said you didn't know what happened to him.

I loved it. If I said "please," would you write it? Okay. "Please????"

And do have a Merry CHRISTmas.

P.S. this Christmas if you see a deer get covered in cement thus the name, "Cement," would you write me about it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

eric,

A tracker for turkey hunters? I have survived living in the south for 61 years with the grace of God, but never heard of this job. Now a tour guide and such, yes. But not a turkey tracker.

You have again taught me something.

Merry CHRISTmas.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

That is a high compliment. I sincerely thank you. Have a safe day.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Catherine,

I made you hungry? Wow. You are way too kind to me. I appreciate you so much.

I didn't know the history of turkeys, but I try to use the most-reliable "research mines."

And in all sincerity . . .Please have a Very Merry CHRISTmas!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

FlourishAnway,

Your comment was so sweet. Two pet turkeys. Things like this, I LOVE. The unusual things in life are far more interesting than what we see or read about certain celeb's having a run-in with dope and the cops.

I appreciate YOU so much.

Merry CHRISTmas.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, stylishimno1,

I love it. "PhillipE." Hey, I would love for you and I go hit France as famous painters and dress the part, but you be leading a turkey on a leash. What looks we would get. And some American entertainment show would surely give us some airtime.

Think about it.

And have a Merry CHRISTmas.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

whonunuwho,

Thanks for the very interesting comment. So it was Benny Franklin's fault, eh? I should burn all of my Hundred-Dollar bills . . .all three of them.

I do agree with all of your comments even the part about a turkey flying with spread wings.

I do not desire a turkey sandwich now.

Have a Safe and Interesting Merry CHRISTmas.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LadyGuitarPicker,

Very interesting comment. I love Indiana. Hoosiers was filmed in parts of this great state.

I am now sorry for turkeys. Maybe next year, if I am livng, I may do an "Apology to All Turkeys," type of hub.

But that is a long way off.

Please have a Merry CHRISTmas.

I wish you would send me some guitar runs, simple runs, I could do.

Send me an email through my profile page. Thank you.

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