The Last Day....Scott's Last Day on Earth

The Last Day           

 I did not know it at the time, that this day would be the last day. I did not know when I awoke that day that this very day would be the last day for so many things.   This day was the day my father died. It seems simple and tragic that one man passes on. It seems that his death is monumental for some and just part of life for others. What I didn’t understand until now is that day in the hospital was the last day my family would act like a championship team.  The divine dynamic between us would save a dying man’s dignity.  Now every team has weaknesses and strengths. We were no Brady Bunch. We have our issues, dysfunctions and little secrets like every family, but we were good together. There is no doubt about this fact. When shit hit the fan we would come to each other’s aid. And when it was time to celebrate or have a good time, we knew how to do that too. Most of the time when a good time needed to be had we did not let any dysfunction get in the way. It was a flow of energy like no other I have known. It is a flow that I miss.             

That day in the hospital none of us knew that it would be his last day. We did not see it coming. We held tight to each other that day. We tried to hold on to him but he was going.  We acted, the three of us, as his protectors, each stepping up to uphold his wishes as a human when the other could not. We were like a smooth running machine, instinctively knowing what my father's wishes were as a human exiting this Earthly existence. This was our last production and we each took our roles to heart. We leaned in on each other for the last time. We rose like a phoenix to prove our love.  We made sure that he went on without too much pain and suffering. Not as peaceful as his mother who must have been a very wise soul to leave as she did. Once my dad found out that he would have to have treatment he left within hours. And I am glad he did.  

 I don’t even think he knew that he was going. I believe that his soul knew and wanted to go, but everything else in him thought the opposite. It is strange the two levels of being that I learned about the hard way on that day. My father was going and it was divine, but it didn’t feel divine. Not only did his soul depart, but he took with him his ability to keep us together. Sometimes I think he left knowing that our time as a family was done. Everyone was moving on. No intent or power in the universe can bring it back. Nor are the three of us who are left able to uphold or even honor what we once had. It seems that when he left that day he took with him the gravity that kept us together. Or did he already know the gravity between us was breaking down. I don’t think he took it really, but something went with him. Because as families experience loss they usually gravitate together so that the burden lies on everyone but ours broke apart like a crystal crashing into tiny pieces. Some pieces still hold the energy that once was.   

As the chasm increases, it seems like another life time ago that we were together and enjoying the feeling of being ourselves, our real selves, being free to express all things negative and positive.   I thought that was why we came here. We came for a human experience, something inherent imperfect. We did this on purpose. I chose each soul encounter on purpose. This is my dad talking now. And what does him or I have to lose anymore? Since he is somewhere that is beyond our limited view of everything, he is not concerned with the shallow illusion based antics of Earth. Man has little understanding of what lies beyond or even here most of the time. When adventure happens, freedom happens, love happens, compassion happens, excellence happens and when learning happens it is special. I experienced all of this with each of my family members. My father’s energy was present and enabled me, allowed me, promoted me, taught me to reach for these precious elements of life. Both my brother and I are successful, especially by brother; he is a maverick doing what he loves. I know not all of his ability came from my father and mother, but it was the perfect combination of all family members who were the forefathers of this way of being. My father followed in my grandfathers footsteps. My mother’s father said to his son’s follow your bliss, follow your dreams and I will be there for you, and he was, and so was my father. 

Little do we know what will happen after death, both here on Earth and beyond? Essentially you will never know when your last day will be. You will never know your “last day” of anything. So be very deep and awake about the things that are important to you. I am moving on with a small flame, a portion of gravity of the love I once knew for my family. It is too strong for me for I cannot ignore it or let it go. It is a deep current that runs through me for my makers. I cannot ignore them even if one is no longer on the Earthly plane.  And they proved to be much more than just my creators, something that words cannot express. Something that is infinite and blessed both in its imperfection and grace. I want to be caught forever in the gravity that once was known as the four of us, a family.