Kim Kardashian's Quantum Derriere

Oh yeah! For a while there rumors did abound that Kim Kardashian was rocking a fake posterior, presumably engineered from space age materials, and in my fantasies, equipped with bond like tools to get her out of sticky situations, but Kim Kardashian knows how to put down a nasty rumor like that without saying a word - she simply gets a bikini three sizes too small for her and parades about the place, waving her ass about in a defiant fashion.

Now some of you might be wondering how an egalitarian female feminist writer such as myself could stoop to the level of objectification that is required to write an entire article about a woman's ass. For those people I say, I've done it before, and I'll do it again, simply because its fun. Fun, and noble.

Writing about Kim Kardashian's ass is a lot like writing about Steven Hawking's work on the nature of the universe. In fact, its practically exactly the same thing. In both instances, one is taking time to honor the spectacular acheivements of a human being who has sacrified a great deal in order to bring something amazing to the masses. In Steven Hawking's case it was 'A Brief History of Time', a book which made the intricacies of quantum physics accesible to the everyday man, and in Kim Kardashian's case, it's her very large bikini clad bottom.

To say that one is better than the other would be to devalue the amount of work which goes into translating the mysteries of the deep scientific magic which is holding space and time together in a fragile dance which enables our very existence, and of course, in allowing one's ass to blossom to proportions at which it begins to exert a noticeable gravitational pull on small objects, yet keeping one's tummy taut and trim enough to still look good in a bikini.

Kim has struggled for many months with rumors circulating about her body. Does she wear a body shaping girdle? Is that a buttpad down her dress? Has she had butt implants? (Okay, some questions, like the question concerning the origin of life itself, may never be answered, hidden as they are beneath layers of infathomable lardy mystery.) These pictures may not represent complete discovery and understanding of the issues at hand, but they do allow us as a species to make a great leap forward in understanding the phenomenon that is Kim Kardashian's ass.