Daily Weird #16 (I'm not shy, my bladder is)

I’m shy, (she says quietly).

We’ve all heard people who claim to be shy. Usually they claim it in a very, very soft voice. What most of us have never heard is a bladder claiming to be shy. Even in a very, very soft voice.

According to Ron Koonter, not only does he have a shy bladder, but this very shy bladder was also the cause of his firing. The random drug test the Michigan Department of Transportation imposed on the spur-of-the-moment put too much pressure on his bladder to perform. Koonter’s bladder choked, and did not complete the function necessary to pass said drug test.

The Department of Transportation did not care that his bladder was shy. They fired poor Mr. Koonter. Mr. Koonter then paid for two subsequent drug tests, giving his bladder advanced notice, and a pep talk, and passed both of them. The Department of Transportation still did not care.

Mr. Koonter brought a doctors note stating that his bladder was shy. No dice. It seems as though when you work for the Department of Transportation in Michigan, all of you has to be outgoing, especially during random drug test time, or you will no longer work for the Department of Transportation in Michigan, doctor’s note, or no doctor’s note.

Mr. Koonter is now in arbitration to try and get his job back. In the meantime, we recommend http://www.shybladder.org/ . This is a site that helps you take your bladder slowly into situations where it is difficult to function, say, the neighbor’s house, when the bathroom is right next to the kitchen and there’s no vent for background noise. Also there are support groups where your bladder can stand up and be counted. Just because your bladder is shy doesn’t mean it doesn't matter.

I can hear the healing begin even as I type, “I’m Mr. Koonter’s bladder, and I’m shy.” “Hi Mr. Koonter’s bladder!”….