How to Make Love Last!

Are you wondering how to keep your love alive for a lifetime? I know the answer, and it is simpler than you think.

This is relationship advice about how to have a successful long term relationship, not just how to deal with a single relationship problem.

This was a long time ago, and I can't cite the source, so you'll just have to trust me (and your instincts) on this one.

One of the most valuable bits of free relationship advice I ever ran across was a short article about long-term relationships. It wasn't by a relationship advice columnist, it was from a group of scientists.

The article was written by a team of sociologists who scientifically studied long-term relationships. They interviewed a large number of couples who had been together for 20, 25, even more than 30 years.

And basically, what they asked the couples was, "How did you do it?"

In summarizing the answers, these social scientists found that there were three things that were common to a successful long-term relationship. These critical success factors were Passion, Intimacy and Commitment.

What exactly do I mean by Passion, Intimacy and Commitment?

In the study, Passion, referred to the physical, sexual part of the relationship. The coples in long-term relationships had pretty evenly matched sex drives and were pretty compatible in terms of what they like to do and when they liked to do it.

Intimacy was the ability to communicate and discuss openly what they really thought. About the relationship, about what was going on and what they wanted, both right now and in the future.

And, by Commitment, they were referring to the simple determination to stick things out and stay together no matter what. That the relationship was one of the most important things in thier lives.

The scientists found that at different stages of the relationship, different things were important.

For instance, early on, there may be a lot of passion and intimacy, but not much commitment. Or late in life there might be less Passion, although the Intimacy and Commitment remain strong.

And, if you are wildly Passionate with your partner and totally Committed to each other, there may be times when the Intimacy is not as great as it could be.

Apparently, you can run a relationship for a while with one or two of these missing, but it will not survive for the long term.

I have had the pleasure to be the best man at the weddings of several friends and I have told this story as part of my toast to the newly weds. So far so good with those marriages, and I hope they go the distance.

So, no matter what stage your relationship is in, how would you rate it on each of the three critical success factors: Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment?

Can you honestly say that you and your partner are strong in all of these areas? If not, can you and that person realistically expect to improve the areas that may be lacking?

Long-term relationships are a three-legged stool, if one of the legs is weak or broken, you won't be sitting in it for long.

When you realize the truth and importance of this you will start looking for ways to repair and strengthen the areas of your relationship that are lacking.

Or, if it can't be fixed, acknowledge that and find a love that will last - someone you can share the Passion, Intimacy and Commitment that you deserve.