Are You Dating a Sociopath?
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Is My Partner a Sociopath?
Sociopaths (also known as psychopaths) live among us. It's an ugly truth. Antisocial personality disorders do not discriminate--young, old, male, female--anyone can become a sociopath.
It may seem difficult to identify a sociopath, especially if he or she happens to be your partner. Nevertheless, there are several steps that you can take to identify the early warning signs of antisocial personality disorder.
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The Sociopath Next Door
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10 Ways to Identify a Sociopath
- Listen to the way your partner speaks. Most sociopaths put themselves on pedestals. Their grandiose sense of self makes them feel entitled to certain things. They see these things as "their right."
- Pay attention to the way the person treats you. A sociopath is manipulative, domineering, controlling, and takes pleasure in humiliating his victim(s). Sociopaths have self-serving behaviors.
- Count the lies. Sociopaths are notorious liars. It's almost impossible for a sociopath to tell the truth.
- Observe the way the person expresses his or her emotions. A sociopath has an incapacity for love. Promiscuity, addictions, verbal outbursts and physical punishments are the sociopath's way of stimulating himself.
- Wait until he or she says or does something wrong. The sociopath shows no remorse, shame or guilt. Although a sociopath may be outraged by insignifican matters, he or she will remain unmoved by serious matters.
- Count his or her friends. A sociopath has trouble making and keeping friends. He will make up an excuse for this, too.
- Listen to other people. Sociopaths do not become sociopaths overnight. They have a history. Sometimes these histories include aberrant behaviors, including: stealing, lying, promiscuity, and cruelty to people or animals.
- Observe the way she blames others. The sociopath does not take responsibility for her actions. Instead, she blames others, even for acts she obviously committed.
- Listen to his plans for the future. The sociopath makes unrealistic plans for the future. He does not fulfill his promises and exploits those that try to help him achieve his goals.
- Take a step back. It may be hard to recognize a sociopath, especially when you're in a relationship with this person. A sociopath can become very abusive. Unfortunately, the abuse will not stop. The sociopath "gets by" by promising, lying, and manipulating. This will create a sense of hoplessness in the victim, thus producing an addictive cycle for abuser and abused.
How to Stop Dating a Sociopath
Advice For the Partner of a Sociopath
- If you are in an abusive relationship, it's time to stop the violence. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
- If you suspect a family member or loved one is being abused by a sociopath (physically, emotionally or mentally), encourage the person to leave the situation.
- Leaving a sociopath is hard but it can be done. If you do not leave the sociopath, your situation will never improve.
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Comments
Very happy to hear you are not dating a sociopath! These relationships are always destructive and toxic. Glad you found the hub informative.
Considering I'm married I will not be dating a sociopath, but interesting to read the symptoms they display.
I've dated a sociopath and it's humiliating and embarrassing. They know when and how to choose their victims; at their most vulnerable moments. As soon as I realized he was a sociopath (after researching many of the traits online) and actually called him a sociopath to his face, that was the last I heard of him. Thank goodness. They don't like it when you find out what they are.
Thankfully I'm out of the dating game, but I worry about my girls dating sociopaths. I just hope they have enough esteem to run (not walk) away from any creep who tries to belittle them. I hate the idea of them compromising their happiness just to have a boyfriend. I'm forwarding this hub to them just in case. Thanks for the great information!
Thank you for the comments. I didn't know there was a name or label for this type of individual until I started researching the "signs" a few years back. Lying, manipulating, no friends, stealing, no work ethic (mooch), control freak. What a combo!
Smokejuice, your girls are very lucky to have you. I'm glad everyone found this hub useful.
Fortunately I am not married to a sociopath and I don't think she is either. Interesting hub.
I dated a man who had parts of these characteristics, the lying, and the grandiose sense of self. Thankfully, none of the violence or controlling. The thing he consistently did was lie. And yes, I didn't find out till it was over.
Interesting hub, thanks for sharing.
I am in a state of disbelief after reading several websites featuring Jeffrey Dahmer, many of which attempt to explain his murderous lifestyle to be the result of an unhappy childhood. Many children suffer childhood illnesses and traumas and come from broken homes, but almost none of these kill and mutilate others for personal pleasure. Jeffrey Dahmer did what he did because he was a sociopath, more prolific in murder and more damaging to society than most, but a sociopath all the same. It is time for Americans to take a hard look at what is happening around them. Sociopathy, also called psychopathy, follows the maternal DNA, and is now present in approximately 1 in 32 Americans, with no decline apparent. Although the overwhelming majority of sociopaths never murder anyone, their negative influence can still be felt in almost every company and in many households in America. I encourage everyone to self-educate by using the internet. Learn the warning signs. Protect yourselves.
Uhmm what if you are the sociopath? And how many of the above traits do you need to qualify for..is 8 out of 10 bad..;lol
Nice article
Unfortunately, if you are the sociopath, your most likely response would be public denial and private scorn; public denial to maintain your facade and private scorn because you believe yourself so superior that you laugh at everyone else's pathetic attempts to try to cope with your superiority.
Yikes! Sorry to hear that Trish.
Icare, you provide great advice to others!
Negacrowbar, thanks for the laugh!
JB001, I agree 100%.
I was removed at six from the home of two abusive parents, the problem was I remembered the abuse from my father, but had no memory of my mother, to whom naturally I longed for connection. It took 17 years to discover her whereabouts, after much shuffling through the system, and failed attempts at placement resulting in still more abuse, and stagnation of personal growth. There was apparently ample reason why I could not remember her, for her part in the abuse was far worse and sinister than my unpleasant haunting memories of my Late Birth Father.
These people don't change, and don't want to, or see anything wrong with it.
I successively entered into proto-typical abusive relationships with a variety of men who said, all the right things, and believed I had no right to expect fair treatment with my past associated with the system, and thought myself lucky to even get a chance, the problem was, with a significantly lowered and suppressed self-esteem I was ripe for the pickings as it were.
It went from bad, to seemingly un-ending nightmare, with verbal, mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse on a nearly daily basis for a few years. I had aspirations for social-working or some field in the mental health community to assist those who would want and work toward healthy goals and living in therapy, but found my own world in turmoil and constant upheaval. I found a million and one different reasons why I was deserving of this treatment, and none to satisfy why I wasn't... This in one instance ended when I became so distraught and desperate to escape the situation I became obsessed with suicide, and deepening anger and confusion about life, or it's merits. That he could do these horrible things to me, and then demand sex, and sleep peacefully next to me as if it were no biggie, and threaten me with death were I to ever fight back, and regale me with stories of inhuman strength and rage at his "former" abusers... I realized, I was becoming inconsolably enraged, and desperate, and had night terrors, and constant anxiety and physical discomfort that grew intolerable. When I realized that I'd rather rot in prison for killing him, than run and have to always look back, I realized enough was enough, I had been ground down, and was little more of what I was, or my hopes and dreams than an animal backed into a corner... I am Six foot two inches tall, and at the beginning of that one relationship whittled down through stress and anxiety from nearly two-hundred pounds of respectable physical stature, to almost 150 lbs... I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror any more, and was constantly listless and without appetite.
Men can go through this too, even when we could easily defend our self against our abusers and put an end to it, once and for all...
But that's just it, these people who do this, don't pick people who are completely helpless, they like a challenge, and they like vulnerable, and they love to see someone who could be great, become nothing.... He was Five foot Nine inches tall and 140 lbs soaking wet... See the irony...?
It doesn't start off as an obvious threat, or offense, it starts of with a powerful relentless seduction, and the honeymoon ain't over until they determine they've got you... He spent a couple years stalking me, and terrorizing me, and harassing my friends and family, to the point I lost most support, if not nearly all I'd ever had. I am still recovering barely from the financial ruin of the relationship, and my Identity has been long since compromised, and manipulated to the point I can't get even an apartment to rent, with ample cash in hand, or a job at McDonald's because of a litany of websites created to further abuse and terrorize. I'm told, it is a civil matter, though multiple Federal offenses were committed to create the financial and Identity related crisis'. To this day, I don't trust, and am fearful that he will outlive me and it will never end, because I left, and he didn't win.
This is what it is like, when you dare stand up for yourself, without becoming like them, refusal to play by their rules becomes a prison of hopelessness and fear that never ends... If I were anything like he used to keep me down as descriptions of myself, or reasons why he did these things, he wouldn't have made it through the first night of abuse... But, they know they are lying, that is not the problem, the problem is they know how to convince you that don't really know yourself, and they are the only ones who do, and you are lucky to have them, because no one else will.
Robb,
You clearly suffered a great deal at the hands of those that were not worthy of your trust at a very young age. I sympathize greatly, and though my background wasn't by comparison nearly as severe as yours I can completely empathize and identify with your experience with this man.
Your description is dead-on about them needing a challenge and vulnerability. It’s required because of the dominant thoughts of superiority. A sociopath banks on your willingness to doubt yourself, even if this starts innocently by you wanting to fight fair, taking responsibility in the relationship etc. They blur the lines of where they end and you begin. The problem is that, in that step, owning actions (for whatever reason) that aren't really yours and making excuses for their behavior is what tells them they've got you. From that point on they're a lot less apt to even TRY to look like they are fighting fair, and the degradation begins! Sociopaths are cowards by nature as they draw the necessary energy needed to maintain their self-created sense of entitlement, from those who they deem at first to be worthy. Soon though, their more fortunate victims catch on early enough to get out, or they wear you down to the depths of desperation. If you know the signs, most sociopaths can’t help but show their colors fairy early on.
Though by all outward appearances these people appear charming, confident, capable and even likable, they are desperate for admiration…..mush like the narcissist. They have to feed their cravings for dominance and the best way to make that happen is by tearing another down. This reminds us of the man who beats his wife and then tells her it’s her fault. If you've broken from joining them in their self aggrandizing behavior and you challenge them, you're a mark and fair game (not that they had standards to begin with, since after all they don’t see any feelings or needs beyond their own). After a while (and this can takes months, years) if he sees that you have abandoned yourself he’ll become contemptuous and disgusted. Now you’ve become his “day old bread” and need to be discarded to make room for another victim whom he deems worthy (and generally believes makes him look good too) and that can also reflect back to him his distorted self image; duping another vulnerable person into thinking that this all knowing man is the only person who will ever love them and she too, just like his last target should feel lucky he chose HER.
How’s that for ironic?
It doesn't end for the sociopath, unless the law catches up with them, and often it does…or they drink themselves into illness and isolation. For those that get out though, trusting another is never the same!
I'm quite sure I'm in a relationship with sociopath number two. Therapy is THE answer….at least for me.
I wish you all the best life has to offer, because chances are good that you do deserve it!
So sociopaths are like the fucking plague?
We should treat them like second class citizens?
We should avoid these people and keep them out of our lives?
Perhaps you would like to round them up stick them in a camp and gas them as well?
Wait a minute, these uncaring and belligerent actions sounds more like something a sociopath would do than a 'normal' person. Hmmm.
My guess is the author has just had some negative experiences with one person in his life and wrote a book on some biased opinions.
I've been labled with anti social personality disorder, technically considered a 'sociopath' under some diagnosticians.
There are differentiating levels and degrees to being a sociopath just because there is a stigma in the name, it doesn't mean everyone under that label falls into the same category as a psychopath or a manipulative sociopath.
I'm generally a nice person, I have flaws but so does everyone. Why should I be held to different standards. I know a few people as diagnosed sociopaths, a few in particular are brilliant people.
I had a relationship years ago with a guy that had sociopath traits. It was the most frustrating, crazy, fun, hurtful relationship of my life. He had virtually no friends but spoke of the ones he lost, always their fault. I knew someday I would be one of them, but I stayed anyway. Sure enough, a nothing disagreement lead to his departure never to be heard from again.
WOW, based on these behaviors, I've been married to several sociopaths. In fact, I'm like a sociopath magnet. I must have a big sign above my head that says "TARGET" and is only visible to sociopaths.
WARNING: This 'hub'(?) covers a very Serious Subject but the information presented is quite misleading.
What are the prerequisites to author articles here ... other than to have access to a computer? Not much more than that.
First, I do not know this author, nor, until just recently, was I even aware of this Web site. But this is a subject that I've been researching for years, and I was truly stunned when I found this.
The information provided here could put people in danger. This is not a subject to give advice about without extensive knowledge and experience.
What is a concern to me is the high percentage of readers, across the Web, who tend to automatically believe what they read on the Web as being true and reliable information. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into the Black Hole of Gullibility.
After reading this the first time, the very next thing I looked for was the author's credentials. That does not mean the author needs to be a clinical psychologist. Not really, but if not, where's the substantiation? Where's the quantification? What length of experience? Where did this information originate? How many sociopaths has he personally had affect his life? There are no sources or experience listed, whatsoever, that I was able to find.
But I'll share my credentials. I have not been formally trained in medicine (i.e., psychiatry) or psychology. But since my divorce in 1995, coming up on 15 years, I have studied personality disorders as they related to my family. During my marriage of 12 years, my ex did submit to a full psychological evaluation. Ironically, due to medical privacy laws, I was not permitted to review the results.
I knew my ex had issues, but not until after she left, and I was awarded full physical and legal custody of son (in pre-school) and daughter (a toddler) that I happened to find that 20-page psychological evaluation of hers. Within less that an hour, with pulse racing, I had clinical names defining those "issues." Scary enough to realize that the death threat she gave me with a smile, just a few weeks earlier, was something she was very capable of doing.
In early 2003, and I'll need to summarize, a remark from a relative began opening doors, leading straight to the conclusion that I now had to rewrite my own history ... my oldest sister, who terrorized me as a child, proved to me she was a sociopath. And then my younger brother. But what my sister discovered is that I was a threat because I knew too much.
She had teamed up with my ex-wife, and had been undermining me for years, destroying my character all along the way. I have since been turned into the family pariah, as not even my own relatives will reply to my calls, emails ... they reply to nothing. I no longer exist.
Frankly, anyone spending about an hour on the Web, pulling information together about sociopaths, could have written this, with just as many half-truths and misleading information as this has. That's frightening when it is stated with authority.
What this information completely lacks, from beginning-to-end, is the daily evil, malicious reality of a sociopath.
Maybe the author would like to come back and substantiate his claims. First paragraph:
1) "Antisocial personality disorders ..." WRONG. There are many personality disorders. One of them is the Antisocial Personality Disorder — singular, not plural.
2) "... anyone can become a sociopath." WRONG. The term sociopath defines a category of personality disorders. Those disorders are generally considered genetic, as in hereditary. Just like most flaws in our DNA — our wiring — there's always a much bigger chance to acquire any disorder or disease that's already in your family. It's not contagious. I have never heard of an instance where someone went from a honest person of high integrity and morality, to becoming a pathological liar, completely losing their integrity and morality. But maybe you know of someone, and I'll stand corrected if you can produce substantiation.
Just because a sociopath slips-up and becomes exposed, that does not mean they suddenly became a sociopath, but only that it was their first time they slipped up. These are skills they work on for years, honing them, because without their following, they have little power.
I believe it's safe to say that what you have is limited 'book' knowledge that got misinterpreted somewhere, but no 'practical knowledge', and hence, your information is inaccurate to a point that could clearly place someone into real danger.
These people have agendas, and they will allow no one to get in the way.
frogdropping says:
7 months ago
Futon - I'm not dating a sociopath. Phew.
Thanks for this - informative ... and slightly scary!
Rated up.