From the time that I became aware of the terms of Liberal and Conservative, I've often wondered where Jesus would fall. Because if He was a Liberal, He might have an open mind about jokes told about Him. On the other hand, if He is a Conservative, I'm probably already half-way down the Highway to Hell.

When I was in college and performed weekly as host of Crash's Clambake (the most unusual three hours of your week) I used to tell a lot of jokes for the specific reason that I wanted to see how many habits I could ruffle, since I knew that at least a few of the nuns that owned the college were at least semi-regular listeners of the show (probably trying to find some reason to get me kicked out!)

An employee of the college who shall remain nameless, due to the fact that the last time I checked he was still working there, used to stop by the radio station when I was on and share jokes with me, some of which I could broadcast, and the rest, well, I just couldn't go THAT far.

It's been 20 years since the last edition of Crash's Clambake was on the air, but I still remember some of the funnier jokes he shared with me.

Three men died and went to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.....

....and St. Peter said to them, "I have to be honest with you guys. You are borderline cases. So we're going to give you one last test, and if you pass, you can enter Heaven, and if not, well, you know where you can go."

So the first man steps forward to St. Peter, who says, "I'd like you to tell me the true meaning of Christmas."

"Oh Christmas! It's a wonderful time. Family comes over, we have big parties, and exchange presents. It's really a lot of fun!"

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, you don't understand the true meaning of Christmas. Step aside."

The second man comes up to him, and St. Peter says, "I'd like you to tell me the true meaning of All Souls Eve."

"All Souls Eve? Can you tell me when that is?"

"Yes, it falls on October 31."

"Ohhhhh, you mean Halloween! It's a lot of fun! People dress up in costumes and kids go out trick or treating for candy. It's really awesome!"

St. Peter shakes his head sadly, and says, "No, I'm sorry, you do not understand the true meaning of All Souls Eve. Step aside please."

Now the third guy is really sweating, because he was not a church-going man in life, and after seeing the other guys fail so miserably, he was not feeling real good.

"I would like for you to tell me the true meaning of Easter," St. Peter requests.

"Well," the man begins, "I wasn't very religious, but as I understand it, a couple thousand years ago, Jesus came down from Heaven and died for our sins...."

St. Peter was so moved that this non-religious man was getting it right that he interrupted him, saying, "Hey, you guys, listen to him. Maybe you'll learn something! Go on my friend."

"....Yes, so they hung Him on the cross, buried him in a tomb, and three days later when He came out, if He saw His shadow, there would be six more weeks of winter."

Jesus is hanging on the cross, with St. Peter down at the bottom of the hill....

...and Jesus calls out, "Peter! Come to Me!"

St. Peter runs up the hill and a Roman Centurion kicks him back down to the bottom.

A few minutes pass, and Jesus calls out again, "Peter! Come to Me My son!"

Peter, being the loyal apostle that he was, runs up the hill again, and again, the Roman Centurion kicks him back down.

A few minutes later, for the third time Jesus calls out, "Peter! Come quickly!"

Peter runs up the hill again, but before the Roman kicks him back down, he says to the Centurion, "Come on, I'm not going to try anything. Let's just see what He wants?"

The Centurion agrees, and St. Peter turns to Jesus, and says, "Yes my Lord?"

"Peter! I can see your house from up here!"

So what do you think? Is Jesus liberal enough, or am I going down? If you have jokes of your own you'd like to share, feel free to post them in the comments!