Dropping Out Of College: Should I Allow My Adult Children Move Back Home?

So has your adult son or daughter flunked out of college? Having been a college student myself that witnessed students partying while I studied hard and and maintained a high GPA, I must admit I had very little respect for those who ended up on academic probation. It is pretty hard to flunk out of a US college or university, so I hate to tell you this, but your son or daughter must have been working pretty hard to get to this place. There are certain circumstances where I might understand someone failing course, such as death in the family, or having to work several jobs to pay for tuition.  On the other hand, I have very little respect for people whose parents pay for everything and they still fail their courses. Students who do not have jobs have all the time in the world to study and very few excuses for flunking out of college. I even knew students who never studied and were able to buckle down a week before midterms and finals, so it is possible to pass your courses in most circumstances.  I do not recommend procrastination and cramming, but just being apathetic and not trying is a waste of money and time.  Unless a college student was suffering from a major illness or experienced a traumatic event, most likely he or she was partying or just not studying in order to completely fail. Certain programs like biomed are understandable because there is a high attrition rate, but if your teen is failing psychology courses you might want to ask them if they ever cracked the books.  Most colleges and universities put a student on academic probation before they are expelled, so most students have known about their grades well in advance and were given time to rectify the situation. As a parent you might want to reconsider paying for your son or daughter's education if you notice they are failing their courses.  This is not harsh because often people will only appreciate things they have to pay for themselves.

Some college students argue that they did not know courses would require so much time set aside for study, but this is something everyone should keep in mind before applying to four year universities. If you are looking for an easier course load it makes more sense to first apply to a community college or a technical school to take one or two course, but having a full ride paid by your parents' to a major university and not respecting their money is slightly disrespectful. I had to pay for college myself, and in certain circumstance I think that students who are partying should have their parents stop footing the bill. Maybe if these college students had to pay for their own books and tuition they might take college more seriously and see it as an opportunity to learn rather than a chance to just hang out and socialize. On the other hand ,some college students are mature and simply realize that school is not for them, which in that case they will drop out and get a job. However, if you have the opportunity to finish your degree it is for the best because this is experience that you can put on your resume, and you can always get real world experience working at a job as you pursue a four year degree.

Here are some guidelines to help your son or daughter realize that moving back home is only a temporary measure. These are only suggestions and not absolutes:

1. College may not be for your adult son or daughter at the moment, but they will need to get a job if this is the case.

2. Give your adult son or daughter a specific time frame for finding a job and moving out of the house.

3. Let your adult son or daughter know that once this deadline passes they will need to start looking for their own apartment.  Help them go look for apartments and apply for jobs if needed.  As long as parents encourage their kids they will be able to find a job and apartment in due time.  In this economy it is harder to find a job right now, but the first job offered should usually be taken.  I personally will work at any legal and respectable job available because during this economic crisis it is much important to have money than to hold out for one's ego.

4. Help your son or daughter go to an unemployment office or search online for a local area job.

5. Help your son or daughter enroll in community college to get back on track academically. Community colleges allow students to take courses without prerequisites, which is a needed solution for a student that failed out of a major university.

6. Discuss with your son or daughter why their grades were so low, and help them explore options for getting extra help. Do they need more tutoring or special services, such as extra time to complete tests and essays?

7. Help your son or daughter find a tutor if they need help with a subject once they have enrolled in a community college.

8. Decide whether you are comfortable with your adult son or daughter living at home if they are going to flaunt responsibilities such as college. They were over eighteen and no one forced them to go off to college, so discuss living arrangements outside the home that will teach them responsibility. People grow up pretty quick when they realize that on their own they have to get a job to pay rent/utilities.

9. Help your son or daughter enroll in a job core program, which will train him or her in a vocational career of their choice. Job core programs often offer housing, which will help to get your son or daughter out of the house and on their own.

10. Help your son or daughter enroll in a local training school or career college that offers shorter programs than community college and universities. Often private career colleges and trade schools are more expensive than going the community college route, but the courses at this institutions are tailored to the needs of those who prefer a hands on type of career, such as being a being an EMT, a medical assistant, a fire fighter, a carpenter, or an electrician. Those courses can also be taken at a community college, but trade schools often allow students to complete their training in less than a year.

Help your adult children take their time with finding their academic and career path, but do not allow them to sit at home and not work. I People often say they cannot find a job, but to be quite frank I do not believe this because often people are being picky about the type of job they want. Yes in this ecnomy it is not easy and will take longer, but being proactive and putting in applications on a daily basis is better than just sitting by and doing nothing. Any job is better than no job, and places such as McDonald's and Burger King are constantly in need of new workers. I know because when my sister first moved in with me she needed a job and decided to try McDonald's, but she quit after only three days because she did not like the working conditions. I was not happy about this because guess who got to pay the rent for two months straight, and it was silly for her to quit because they pleaded with her not to. My sister eventually found a new job, but only after I told her I could not afford to pay the rent all by myself. So in the meantime if your son or daughter is looking for a job tell them to find anything for the present and not to be too picky as they can always find a better job later. When I went to school there were students who felt they were above students that worked fast food or at the library, but what they did not understand was we needed these jobs to pay for our tuition.  A job is a job and I take pride in my work no matter where I go and what I do, which is something that always makes me feel accomplished.

I put myself through college, worked part-time, and studied very hard to graduate with honors in four years, so I do not mean to sound harsh towards those who flunk out of college, but the reality is adult children need to learn to take responsibility for themselves. Allowing your adult son or daughter to move home and live there rent free is not helping them, so it is better to encourage and set a good example. I knew parents who allowed their adult children to move back home rent free, and ten years later some of them are still there and never attempt to find a job. The choice as a parent is yours, but tough love is needed to help your son or daughter navigate the waters after dropping out of college.