How To Gossip Without Getting Caught in the Act
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The Danger of the Dicey Conversation
Have you found yourself deep in a dicey conversation with a friend about someone else, and all of a sudden the someone else appears, perhaps from around a corner? If you have, you know what happens next...your face goes red, your tongue stops wagging, your jaw drops, and dumb words like "Oh, hi." fall out of your mouth. Deep silence follows. You just got caught.
Help Is Here
My Aunt Katie has a sure-fire method for saving your face. You can use her method at the water cooler, in the hallway, on the street, and just about anywhere else, just about any time.
Preparedness is the Key
Take four easy steps to prepare yourself for a successful save:
- Tell your gossip partner about Aunt Katie's method before you start your session.
- Keep your voices at low-normal volume during the gossip session and face each other, so your dicey words don't travel.
- Keep objects away from your mouth, so you don't look like you are gossiping.
- Keep an eye out for the subject of your gossip by tuning your peripheral vision to a high pitch.
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Act Quickly with Aunt Katie's Save
At the moment you sense the unexpected presence of your subject, turn up the volume on your voice, and say clearly to your partner while expressing profound amazement:
Oh, really? Butter? I fry mine in lard!
Aunt Katie's Guarantee
Aunt Katie guarantees this method will save your skin every time, but only if you:
- Never use it anywhere near running water.
- Share it only with your most valued gossip partner.
Aunt Katie's method was thoroughly tested in her tiny home town over the course of three generations. It can't be used there any more.
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Comments
What I really tell people who tell me not to tell is, if you tell me you can be sure I'll tell. That's why nobody tells me very much. Thanks for the nice comment!
Really liked the title and subtitles...That's what draws me in, but the content makes me stay. I have to know....What happens if you use Aunt Katie's method near running water? It's driving me crazy!
What a cool question, Rhym...
One of my favorite things to shout to my kid when she's in another room and asks me a question in a voice that she would use if my ear were right next to her mouth is, "You know I can't hear you when the water's running." (I'll bet you've heard that line a few times.)
So, if you and your gossip partner are near running water, you'll never hear the subject of your gossip approaching.
Shucks, you already figured that out!
Thanks for the good words. It's a real compliment that you stayed. That's what every writer wants a reader to do!
Such a simple answer. My imagination had taken me all kinds of places except the obvious. Now I can get some rest. Thank you.
LOL, this post made me literally laugh out loud. I will be sure to use these tips. I've been caught in the act enough awkward times...
I'm so glad you got a good laugh! This hub was fun to write because my Aunt Katie is such a seat-of-the-pants person with fabulous wit and sense of humor. I guarantee, not only will her method work, but you'll have fun with it, too.
Thanks for the good words!
You forget the best tip to avoid getting caught gossipping:
Don't gossip!
haha entertaining hub, though.
quick thinking and I like the pre=meditated part...When in college and preparing for student teaching...a wise professor told our class...."When you are speaking to a student...always speak as though their parent was stanging behind you ...because one day they will be."
And, it happened to me. A young boy in a wheel chair in my classroom had a habit of rolling right up to whoever he wanted to talk with or pass between, and run right over our feet. It was a painful and annoying experience. One day, I took him to the hall and said something like "Rudy...when you roll over someone's feet, it is just like a walking person stepping on a person's toes, only worse. Your wheel chair is heavy and has the power to really hurt someone. You being in the wheel chair does not give you a right to be first, or pushy. I want you to stop it and you can sit out here for the next 5 minutes and think about it. When I come back you can tell me what you've decided to do."
I turned around to go back into the classroom and there was his mother with her mouth wide open. oops. However, I meant what I had said -- yet she might have felt protective...I had no idea how she was going to respond.
She smiled and said "You know, we have been working with him for a long time, on that one habit. I hope he listens to you."
Saved by the grace of a wise mother. The trouble with wagging tongues is there's always someone listening, recording, or tattle-ing. eeek. I'm going to remember the "butter?" advice, though. hee hee
Thanks, Sally, haven't see u in a few days....been gone? Marisue
LOL WeddingConsultant. If I put that tip in there, there would have been no purpose to the hub!
As always, thanks for stopping by.
Marisue, I really wish I had you as a teacher many years ago when I stepped on my teacher's foot while leaving the classroom. She was an old school girl, made us line up to go everywhere, and made sure everyone in the line passed within inches of where she stood. So, leaving the classroom one day, I stepped on her foot by accident and was too embarrassed to stop and say, "I'm sorry." I just kept going. Well, she reached over, yanked me by my hair, pulled me out of line, and in front of all the kids said to me, "How dare you be so rude. Now you apologize right now." Needless to say, I am terrified of her to this day.
The cool thing about gossiping is that you are probably not doing it with one of your students, so you don't have to worry about the parent standing behind you!
Always love your comments, marisue!
When I was a young girl...I spoke impulsively most of the time. At the time, I didn't know that I had a very high IQ -- not braggin' about that honestly..cuz it caused me more grief than I would have wanted...but my parents had kept the fact that my tests at school were highly scored and they wanted to pass me on...so instead I thought I was kinda different.
I tried really hard to fit in and pretended to be dumber than I was -- you know, in the 60's it wasn't good to be a smart girl.
Anywho, I was a really social person as well...wanting friends, etc. and was popular enough...but was a bit too quick on my feet with thinking and replying to things.
I learned to accept the quickness of thought and in my later years it served me well....but, I still suffer from memories of speaking quickly about any given situation. ah Having said all that, my point is that while I was teaching grade school, my background led me into having many behavorially challenged children in my classroom as the principal thought I could handle it. Gee, thanks. I spent many weeks and weeks teaching kids to sit down, listen, tolerate differences respectfully, and be productive community members in the classroom environment. I was appalled by other teachers who were in my book just downright "mean."
I was fortunate to meet enough good ones to keep the faith -- I can just see, however, your teacher who did that and your face from having it done....
makes me want to step on her toes myself. hee hee ahhh memories.
thanks again for making my day. Marisue
You know, I just now realized I can rate pages....so I gave you a thumbs up..I keep forgetting about that part...always learning. Marisue
marisue's comments about impulsively speaking without thinking made me think of a story my friend Jess told me once. Jess is a loud, outgoing, exuberant person who certainly would never mean to offend anyone. One day she managed to sprain her ankle. Later that evening she and a friend were waiting in line at the movies and she impusively blurted out "Come on, can't they let the crippled person go first!" - referring to herself, of course. Our friend's jaw fell open. Much to Jess' dismay, she turned around to see a young man in a wheelchair in line just behind them. Just goes to show we all make a major faux-pas every once in a while! ;)
"Just goes to show we all make a major faux-pas every once in a while!"
You are so right, Sapristi! No one is immune. The expression "foot in mouth" comes to mind.
Marisue, thank you for your willingness to step on Mrs. L's toes. I got your back, too.
hahaha I've had egg on my face plenty of times and have learned to ask for forgiveness for the tongue... yet, we are all human and I think we get too wrapped up in a few verbal oopsies... Now -- I don't advocate anything racial or discriminating...we need to be caring speakers...yet...I do think as a society we are way over-sensitive. No self-deprecating humor anymore is allowed...we just take everything so seriously. Our poor candidates (hard to sympathize with them in a way, tho...ha) are afraid to open their mouths and then they get criticized for not being truthful...can't WIN, for losin.' tiring, yes?
thanks to all of you for stoppin' by my HUB. You're appreciated!! Marisue
Oh Sally's trove, I wasn't claiming credit for your hub...haha I mean stopping by my comments...see another slip of the tongue haha
marisue, enjoy! It's a great community out here. And your tongue can slip all it wants. :)
You are right...soooo many nice, articulate, and just downright "smart" people on here... I'm really enjoying reading to my heart's content. It's like being in an intellectual cafe.. and I don't mean that in a snobby way at all...I'm not necessarily talking about degrees tho' that's part of it...I'm learning from everyone and enjoying them all...=) Marisue
Ditto, marisue, in every way!
now i dont find this to be productive!
funnebone, I don't know what the "this" is that you don't find productive. The gossiping, the comments to the hub, or the hub? Please let us know your thoughts. :)
working
In The Doghouse says:
4 months ago
Too cute! I enjoyed the gossip advice, although I really try to avoid it altogether. If I have to tell someone a secret, I make sure and tell them not to tell, and if they must tell, tell the person they tell not to tell too!