How to break in a man
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It's all in the initial training
Think of a man like you'd think of your dog or cat, or horse if you're lucky enough to live on a farm. If you have a pet, you have to train them properly otherwise your life will just be one constant irritation. It's the same as with a man. If he does things which annoy you and drive you scatty, it's because you did not do the intial training. You expected that 'being in love' would be enough. It isn't. The initial glow of love that makes you look on your man through rose-coloured glasses does wear off over time. In some cases, it wears off pretty quickly. Too quickly. And you suddenly notice that he only has a sixpack when he's on the beach and needs to look good. Remember, you can't change a man, but you can educate him to your way of thinking. The training as to what you deem to be acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, has to be done early in. Too late and you'll never be able to train them.
Breaking him in is not the same as breaking him
Just so that we get this part clear. Breaking in your man is gently instructing him on how you expect him to behave in your home, his role, your expectations, and showing him ways in which he can achieve this.
On the other hand, breaking a man is destroying him completely by nagging, bitching and being overly-critical of his feeble attempts to please you.
A man that has been correctly broken-in is a pleasure to have around you. A man that has been broken is a pathetic wimp that has as much macho masculine charm as a stray dog with mange and a broken back leg.
Communication is the key
There is truth in the old adage, "Never let the sun go down on your anger." Never go to bed in a bad mood and with the sulks. If he's done something that pissed you off, you need to tell him. Tripping over your pouting lips and walking around with a hangdog expression makes you a fool, not a burning martyr. This kind of thing can destroy a good relationship.
Right at the beginning, before either of you moves in with the other, you need to explain your expectations and give clear guideline of what you do and don't expect. If you hate laundry lying on the floor you need to make this clear from the start. Dropping subtle hints a few months later are not going to work and will be like water off a duck's back. If you are a miserable bitch when you have your period, then yu need to forewarn him that there will be times of every month when he must avoid pushing your buttons at all costs and you will be suffereing from a serious case of sense of humour failure. Draw up a list of do's and don'ts and get him to do the same. It's pointless being irritated with each other over small things which could have been so easily rectified in the beginning.
Set aside some 'us' time for a few minutes every night when you just talk about your day, thinks annoying you and so on. Many men stray not because their woman is ugly or they're not getting enough sex, many times it's because they just want someone to listen to them. It's the sharing and communication they are after, rather than the sex.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T spells respect
What you put out into the universe is what you get back, how you treat someone is how they'll treat you, how you speak to someone is how they speak to you. many women complain that their men speak to them like they are a dog. Stop barking and yapping at your man, and then he'll stop treating you like a dog.
Respect his personal space and his achievements and he'll respect yours. Support him in his endeavours and he'll support you in yours. And be polite! If he has left his clothes on the lounge floor and his shoes in the passage, don't nag. Use humour in these situations. For example, lay his clothes out like a dead body on the passage floor, as if they were walking to the bedroom and got tired. He'll have to step over the clothes to get to the bedroom and will immediately get the message and pick them up. This is how men learn. You want him to wash the dishes, then invent a 'doing the dishes dance.' Carry two dirty dishes into the lounge where he is probably sitting engrossed watching TV, and make them dance in front of him having funny conversations with each other. He might think you're a crackpot, but he will laugh and he will get the message. Humour works everytime. Then the next time, just start humming your dirty dishes ditty, and like a well-trained robot, he'll get up and wash the dishes.
Divine Ms Vine
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Have fun
Laugh, laugh, laugh. Laughing together will bring you closer and make him more subservient. Think of ways you can bring fun into your relationship. Make your man eager to come home and spend time with you. If you are more fun than his friends, he'll rather spend time with you.
Get him to watch your favourite soap operas and TV shows, and have fun tearing the characters to shreds and having a good laugh at their expense. But then, make an effort to watch his sports with him as well. It might be a good idea not to make fun of his favourite players or team, but you can do that to the opposition. He'll appreciate that.
So communicate with each other, show each other respect and have fun. Everything else will follow!
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Comments
LoL this is good.. is there a guys hub out there "how to train a woman?" ok guys close your eyes! (ok they aren't looking, now ladies also it's a trick to make the guys THINK doing these things was THEIR idea all along - which we KNOW was our idea to begin with!) Ok, guys, open your eyes! See, Cindy knows!!!
LOL Cindy,
Great hub ... should have been written earlier to avoid us all the irrevocable 'damage'. Between the worst of them all is that 'sense of humor' ... How do ya handle that? :/
Hmmm...rather late in the day to start breaking my husband in! Where were you back then Cindy? :P
Couldn't agree more.. men truly are simple, if you know how to give what you want and take care of their basic needs , they'll follow just like a loyal dog.
I think I have broken in my husband reasonably well, but will take you up on some of the additional tips. Now he must never see this- he doesnt know he has been broken in. :P
Cindy: My s/o and I see each other 7 days a week, almost 24 hours a day as we both run a business from home; and what makes our relationship healthy is that we give each other plenty of space. I have my own office with my computer and he has his, also I accept him exactly as he is, and he does likewise; we both agree this is why we get along, there is a sense of contentment when one knows we are not being judged.
Good hub, I agree with several of your points, respect, humor are very important ingredients in relationships.
I just don't buy that the training works. Even getting your expectations out in the open while you're living together doesn't guarantee they ain't going to change their expectations on down the line.
Or maybe I'm just not cut out to be a trainer......
JJ, he can't be a lost cause. Try singing him Spanish love songs when he's glued to the telly
Candie, psssst we don't want to be trained
Nazish, it is now up to you to bring fun into your relationship. Laugh at your man often lol Oops, meant with.
FP, he needs a training crash course immediately
Aimer, train him like a dog and he'll be a loyal dog. Thank God no men are reading this lol!
Diana, your man sounds like a dream! When you tire of him, we are forming a queue lol
Violet, Space is a very important thing to give each other in a relationship. For me it goes hand in hand with respect.
LM, agreed, but if you never communicate your expectations then they'll never know, so if they never do it, then you only have yourself to blame. But if you've made your expectations clear from the outset and he fails to honor them, then he deserves a kick up the rear with a very pointy shoe.
Can I borrow one?
Actually, since I knew even when we were just living together, the jokes on me for marrying him anyway, right?
All hypothetical, of course......
I'm one of those dogs they just decide its safer to put him to sleep, than continue to try to train.
LM, yep, all hypothetical!
GT? Help! Dog alert! Dog Alert! Take cover!
I am now fully broken in - my partner has done a good job. She is shopping for shoes, and has left me in the creche, the one that has beer and a wide-screen TV showing football. Happy Days :)
Thumbs up cindy. I'm taking lessons so you were quite helpful.
Sufi, we all like a house-trained man, so kudos to your lady!
Jewels, we can teach you many a trick!
Thanks Cindy, for additional inspiration to the things I already do. Never enough advices. Only united, (women) we can winn!
Well Randy is helpful too. I thought I'd wipe the slate clean and try all these new beaut methods.
If I'd only known then. . . (I probably would have still made all the same mistakes). Great ideas. I just don't think I have it in me to try again.
nice to see all women crying here...lol
Tatjana, we always need a little inspiration, eh?
Jewels, great that Randy is helpful
Teresa, always great to see you on my hubs! Lol I'm great at giving the advice, but do I always do it?
NMS, that's a little sadistic lol
Love the hub, tis a Vacancy aboard moi ship for a wench to break in the Captain ; )
lol Captain, you still not house-trained?
Fun hub to read, but not sure how realistic it is. Or maybe I'm just not good at this training thing
ROFL this one ties in with the other two fabulous ones you did. Gosh is that what I have been doing wrong ?
Alekhouse, you have to do the training subtly!
BP, yep, you just let your dog do what he wanted and didn't housetrain him!
I quit trying to break mine in now I am just down to breaking him. lol. Interesting perspective, I think that while some of these will work it really depends on that man.
Ha ha, we live happily together, he does his thing I do MINE, It works great.
lol TP and Hawk. Jokes aside the three ingredients are communication, respect and humour. Just having those three will go along way!
Too late, you wrote this too late!
lol We might have to try and see if we can find out how to teach an old dog new tricks!
Cindy, you proved it. Any man who says he wears the pants in the relationship is either a liar, or too ignorant to know better.
Keep on Hubbing!
lol Eovery! They definitely don't wear the pants!
My wife is at her wits end. She has made some remarkable progress, in that I now vaccume a spot before covering it with a piece of large furniture, but I am still not litter box trained.
@ eovery- does that mean that I get to wear my skirt?
Remind me to reward you with a homemade doggy biscuit, Paper Moon!
I always felt in school when they broke the boys and girls into seperate groups the boys went off for sports and the girls went off to compare notes and plot the future. I see, i was right, AAAH but when it works out it's great.
-sigh- I needed this like, 4 years, 7 months and 3 days ago... :/
Hahaha, never too late! AIDY and TAL! I recommend you stock up on bribes to help with training an old dog.
@ AIM don't worry, in 2 months, 4 days and 18 hours, it may come in handy again. :)
(or was that two months, 8 days and 14 hours?)
lol PM!
Well written. Nice advice. Must read for all women.
Thanks for recognising that, Philipo! That makes you a good man!
That is it Cindy I have let em get away with too much. Where is my whip gone.??
Didn't you leave your whip on the boat, Blonde?
Very enjoyable read... oh, if everything were as simple as this.....
anyway, I can't raise anyone without spoiling.....even my doggie is spoiled. LOL. But I trained my son pretty well for someone....He washes the dishes, is more or less accurate with his clothes....helps a lot....
What is for my expectations from a man, my only strick demand is that he will not pee ovet the touilet. If he does this, it's a lost case for him. This is untrainable at a late age (if his mother didn't teach him this correctly). And one more demad- be polite and watch your language. All the rest is not a problem for me, I suppose.
Reuvera, sounds like you have trained all the men in your life very well
haha, hell no. I just spoil them. If they don't pee around the toilet, of, course.
The only one trained is my son. But it was easy, he was like this naturally, I suppose.
Reuvera he must have picked it up in utero lol
nah, it's all thanks to my training, don't deny me my honors. lol.
btw, I loved the idea with "dead" clothes. My trick is "pick up your stuff, or I'll do it and you will be looking for it long and unsuccessfuly.
Reuvera, I actually used the dead clothes rrick with my ex, but wuth his shoes. I got tired of his shoes all over the lounge, sometimes there'd be three pairs! So, I had them walking to the bedroom. He got the message.
awesome hub. was a great read. nicely done.
Paper Moon, as they say, "What ever blows your skirt up"
Keep on Hubbing!
Benz, thanks for the comment
Eovery, Paper Moon really wears a skirt?
Thanks for sharing your ideas.
Thanks for reading my hub, Doc!
Think a man can only be broken into if they are comfortable with their partner and they have to want it ! They reflect on what they have learnt about themselves when they met you and if they love you its a positive outlook.
Redange, you raised some valid points, and if they don't want to be broken into you'll know before the relationship becomes permanent.
Good read but...In some ways I would not like to break a man in as you say. Perhaps it is because the men in my neighbourhood are broken. They act like mice and are pathetic to watch. Most of their wives speak to them as if they are scum. I like a man with balls. Hubby annoys me at times but at least he has spirit. We have been married 37 years and so I guess we both trained each other a little at the start without even realsising it lol.
I agree wholeheartedly Ethel, those men you describe are broken men, not men who have kept their spirit and been gently broken in.
I almost expected a tongue-in-cheek, funny Hub, but it was very informative. I can put some of this to use!!! I am sure my boyfriend will appreciate it!! I know I will!!
Anna Marie, let us know if the training works!
well, all of you gal's who have not given up on the cause - tumbs up!! I congratulate you! My personal story to this is - I've found a partner who was 99% on the same level and compatible - but my son hated him - and after 18 months I lost faith and ended the relationship totally unnerved- the 2 of them were so jealous of each other - got on beautifully when I was not there - but once I arrived - big war was on..
Since then , I found - all those realtionships - you can always train a puppy - but it's hard to train an old dog new tricks - because of the "treats" you give a normal dog - you'll have to be very imaginative to give them to your man -those treats - but even though - we women are not short of fantasy ---- rather - trying to train him - he'll play tricks on you to pay you back your bickering about things around the house.
So - after some time - you ask yourself - is it worth the bloody effort?? And it's my observance - "how keen are you to catch this man?? How desperate are you??" and of course some women will go all the length - but I'm usually a quick judge on the case - he's not even worth to cross the street. Take a THIRD look - and you'll agree. There might be the rare case when you consider a 4th look into wealth and social standing - ok - than I'll say - keep up the effort. Otherwise - dock it. Sooner or later all men turn into a liability - costing you money - those without fortune anyway...
What I have to say to this is: we MOTHERS have to take ourselves by our own nose and teach our sons to be the people we want to have around the house. Make breakfast (sometimes), clean the toilet and the sink, !!
I DID - and there is one moment in life between my son and myself that I recall and I'd like to share - I have a Tibetan carpet - a rare thing with all the religious symbols they behold - and it's all dyed with natural colours - and they are no longer sold for 30 years - just the plain commercial ones - and it says- don't chemically clean - but just wash. So my son helped me to wash this huge thing by bringing it into the garden and with the hose and detergent - and then rinsing it - we put it over the garden wall to drip - then it had to be wrung out by rolling up - then dried again over the wall - some job of shifting etc - of a huge wet carpet.
He was 17 then - and when I said - how much I appreciated him of helping me in this- it took up almost a day - he said, because the carpet meant so much to me - - "Mom - you are doing a million of things that I should actually be doing myself in this house - like you cooking all those meals in a healthy and fresh way how I need it in my sport and all that and I know you have to shop extra for that- he was on a body building diet by then - - but I'm always engaged in other things and pressed for time (as if I wasn't that of my own - I was a working mother) - but he saw it as some huge instalment to pay back many small instalments he KNEW he should have paid all along, day after day.
No - my job of being a good mother was certainly far from perfect - but going somewhat in the right direction --- if you know what I mean.
When he - my son - was 10 years old - I deducted DM 1 from his weekly DM 10 of pocket money when he did not clear the dishwasher before I came home from work , and another, if he did not bring out the trash - and so on and so on. A DM was - when it converted to Euros - 0,5 Euros - to give you an idea- a bit less than a Dollar today.
But once those youngsters find their own source of cash - you are powerless! Really - and mine did - he made promotion for all kinds of sport companies - so my pocket money threat was nil..he earned some of his own money - which I thought was great and I would not stop him doing it .But it cost him a lot of time. And he DID realize he was dealing me short - by turning our home into "hotel Mama". Any gorilfriend who "would" haved lived with him then would have found herself short changed! Who would put up with that crap??? For NO return???
When they are still kids -
there's a line when you can learn your son's to look at the commercial value of things when they start "sharing" = why should I pay for expensive comics or software - when they can share it??? Hallo - my name is not Reockefeller- I'm that other fella!! But until you actually drives this home clearly - they'll just DEMAND THAT YOU BUY THOSE THINGS FOR THEM - I mean - they are kids - they ONLY know what they want and drive you into the easiest way to get it!! Until you show them the other way- an alternative way.
Truth is- most boys never grow up and always stay like this and never grow up. Their mothers did not show them another way - so they always walk the "expensive" way.
There's a fine line in squashing your sons (or mates) into your scheme (household and time management) and letting them fly towards their own dreams.
NO - in fact- you cannot train a man - as I've shown above - you can show alternatives - in a gentle way - which will not always work depending what the dream is.
Training a man? Jesus on a pony --- maybe you can do this in USA where property is cheap and you can afford huge houses with 20 rooms. Here in Europe - people just live separate lives in their own environment - only the very young ones are naive enough to try a common life in cramped flats - full of illusions that they can "change" their partner to be fit to live commonly in bliss on 60m2 with children - and that's all a middle income family can afford.
But even if it's not so drastic - if there's no salt on the table - why must the female jump up to get it? If anything is missing - why is it alway the female to be "at service"??? Think again !! Our mothers and we ourselves have maybe been programmed to see that males that are "intolerable" and "untrainable"!!
By reading the things on this hub - well -
So marriages fail- the first, the second, the third - some never give up believing in communal bliss .... most give up because circumstances force them to.
Yes - you can train a man to behave how you want him to when he is in your home "short-time" =weekends etc. - otherwise --- ??? Big question mark.
The truth is- this does not happen unless one of the partners is succumbing. And even if this happens - the other one is not entirely happy - in most of the cases. Communal bliss in living together in harmony is happening in 2% maybe - the rest is some kind of "forced" arrangement (for so many reasons and social pressures not discussed here) with all its shortcomings.
All things said - we MOTHERS OF SONS - are the ones who should move forward to make a change. And yes - my son has been in a relationship that lasted more than 20 years - that's more than any of mine has lasted-:)
Does it spell out my success as a mother? I don't know - I'm not sure at all. All I say is - as long as he is happy.
And NO - I did not need to KNOW my future daughter in law / girlfriend of my son to know that she'd not love a man who does not change his underwear all the week and does not shave daily and take showers as needed - even 3 times a day - depending what he does, does not use deodorant and care for his haircut and clean nails and cared for skin.
And yes - indeed - I've seen mothers who've let things run their own course with their sons becoming stinking - they just got tired of "working" on them to overcome laziness.
And I also knew that there's no harm in a man to know how to cook- and if he has fancy tastes - how to cook his fancy meals. I thought my son to do it- truth is - you've got to catch him in the right moment and mood!! NOT easy - but doable. Also to shop for bargains and look for discounts. What's WRONG with a man looking for that - it's not only HOUSEWIVES who want to save money. Everybody should know how to do it!!
I thought - even if he never found a wife to fit him - (which was most unlikely - as he is a good looking and charming and brilliant guy) I want him to make fit for life. This is REALITY - and unfortunately - most mothers never SEE their sons living this REALITY - they see marriage - grand-children
I will definately do that, Cindy!!!!
Wow Bonny, thanks foir the detailed response! You could have written a hub on it lol! I hear what you are saying about sons and boyfriends, I had the same problems so just gave up and focused on my son.. I do feel that for any relationship to work, you need communication, respect and fun, whether you are training a man or a son, it doesn't matter. Evene if you take the training out of the equation, those are still the three vital ingredients because I believe love is not enough to be able to live with somebody else.
Anna, I look forward to hearing about your successes!
whateva!!
This is a cat fest against men. Why must we be broken in? What happened to individuality in a relationship? is it all about 'taming' a man and 'breaking' his spirit? What fun is that, ladies? Does it delight you to suck the life from a man and then watch him leave you for another woman how is less harsh?
Survey says 9 out of ten of you ladies are single. Happy 'man hunting' and potential 'man training', ladies. As men, we fail to see the point to train, dumping the wrong fit is a much better option. NEXT!
Yeah Allmenaregay, women are actually manpires, we like to suck the life out of our men and use their energy to rejuvenate ourselves. Like the female version of Highlander. Once we've used his energy, we have no use for him anyway and it's great for him to move on and try someone new.
Cindy, how much would I have to pay you to come and work your break-in magic on Hubby? I'm afraid I've let too much water pass under the marital bridge and his (and ok, mine too) bad habits are pretty ingrained.
I am happy to report that we do practice the watching/laughing at each other's shows tho. Some of our favorites are: Deadliest Catch, Iceroad Truckers, Law & Order, Little People, Big World, What Not to Wear, Intervention and MXC (about which I wrote a hub). Oh yes, and CNN News is usually good for a few yucks, too.
Thanks for the excellent man-handling advice. Keep it coming! MM
Cindy - great hub! What in the world have I been thinking? Thought only the women gor broken in! I've even got the blinkers and saddle to prove it :D
Seriously, is it ever to late to try you think?
MM and Shalini, it's never too late to give it a go I think. Sometimes, planning the training sessions can be fun, especially with a bunch of girlfriends and a few bottles of wine!
what can I say that has not been said already..... except my children have learned dearly from my mistakes..... I would not like to be the husband of my daughter, the poor man he suffers......
hahaha I think my girls have learnt as well Brenda. But the question is, did my son learn anything?
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Pachuca213 says:
7 months ago
Mine is a lost cause....he won't listen or watch tv with me and I hate his Spanish Channel movies that look like they were made in Mexico City during the 80's!!! Lets not start on his musica! Not my cup of tea. The only thing we agree on is the BEER!!! I guess its a start huh!!! LOL....Well I guess I did break him in a bit....I do get my way around the house most of the time even if he acts like an ass!