Parenting Help: How To Deal With Separation Anxiety In Preschoolers
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Separation anxiety is very normal among preschoolers, especially those who are going to school for the first time. It is quite natural for children to cry, whine, and cling to their parents during the first few days of school. They are, after all, being placed in a new environment with unfamiliar faces.
Though it may be hard for some parents not to give in to their child's heart-wrenching wails, it is important that you make your child understand that you cannot be with him all the time. Here's what you can do to bring down stress levels both for you and your child.
Prepare your child for the separation.
While you're eating breakfast, for example, plant the suggestion that you are leaving and that your child can cope by saying, "I know you're such a big girl and that you'll be fine in school while I go to the office."
Tell your child what you will be doing while you're gone.
This reassures him that you are not leaving because you don't want to be with him anymore, but because you need to get some things done.
Describe to your child what he will be doing in school in your absence.
Tell him in detail about the fun things he will be doing in school with his teachers.
Reassure your child that you will be coming back.
Always tell him that you will be returning - and prove to him that he can trust what you say by coming back when you said you would. And never, under any circumstance, threaten to leave your child when he "misbehaves." This will make him more fearful, and he will cling to you even more.
Prepare yourself.
When all the preventive measures have been exhausted and you still find yourself with a clinging vine, remember that the crying will only subside once your child learns the invaluable lesson that he can survive without you for a couple of hours. Don't make a fuss or punish your child for clinging; firmly encourage and reassure him instead. Holding, embracing, or babying him while telling him to go inside the classroom by himself may confuse him about whether he should stay or go, so be firm. Make sure you're not the one with the separation anxiety.
Praise your child the moment he's separated.
Say, "I'm so proud of you for being such a big boy in school" to make your child feel proud of his "accomplishment."
Pick the right school.
Children with separation anxiety need a warm environment where they can learn that the world is not as scary as they fear. It helps if the school has friendly teachers who will put them at ease. Also, make sure the school that the school curriculum includes plenty of fun activities.
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Comments
You're right, TwoCansMom. Sometimes it's the parents who're having the separation anxiety. :D
Great advice. According to the teachers at my kids preschool, the crying stops 2 minutes after the mom leaves. =)
Very true, Blogger Mom. My 3-year old niece does that at school sometimes. :P
Very good suggestions to control kids anxiety.Preparing child for the separation does work a lot.
great advice!
Leave quickly.....very very important...the longer you hang around the harder it is for both the parent and the child.
Say goodbye see you soon and leave.....
should i worry that my 3 year old is still crying 5 weeks into the school year?
Hi, blue mom. Five weeks isn't that long. :-) Is he crying because he wants you to stay with him in the classroom?
During the first month or so, children are still getting to know their teacher and developing trust. The unfamiliarity of everything may frighten them. Encouraging statements such as, "Don't worry, Teacher will help you...", "Just tell your teacher if you need anything", "Teacher is your friend" will help a lot.
Sometimes (in our experience) when parents and caregivers are at the end of their rope, they tend to threaten the child into obedience with statements such as, "Teacher will get mad if you don't stop crying", which is really counterproductive because it doesn't help build trust between the teacher and the child.
If it's fear that's causing your child to cry in school, just keep on encouraging him. Eventually, he will realize that school isn't so scary after all. :-)
Thank you for the article. I know you posted it a while ago but it still applies ever new school year. My son is having trouble adjusting but I have been following the advice above and know he will be fine soon.
Thanks, Samantha. :) Yes, he will be all right. It's all part of his growth. :)
Is anyone aware of a preschooler (girl) reacting to separation anxiety at beginning of preschool, by resorting to needing to frequently goto the bathroom to tinkle? She has been checked for bladder infection, ultrasound of bladder and all is well. She is still doing this at home, at preschool, church, our house (grandparents). She never attended day care, was either with mother or grandparents. Thanks.
Grace's Nanny, I don't really know for sure what is causing her to go to the bathroom frequently, but we've had students like that, too. She could be doing it to avoid unpleasant or unfamiliar situations, but we've also had students with no apparent nervousness or anxieties who pee frequently. :O Maybe they just have small bladders? :)
I enjoyed your article it was great and had good insight!!
Thanks for posting
TwoCansMom says:
2 years ago
This is great advice--especially the part about potentially confusing children by holding them while telling them to go into the classroom at the same time. Talk about a mixed message!