Hub Pages Special: How To Win On The Forums

First of all, its important to remember that like any social group, a forum can be subverted to the dynamics of a Junior High. If you've read Lord of the Flies by William Golding, or if you've ever been a teenager, then you have an inherent understanding of what I just said.

Some of you may have missed out on such formative experiences however, perhaps you were beamed down from another planet, or maybe you spent your youth in a coma. Perhaps you were cloned fully formed as an adult, but without any memories or knowledge of the world. With the rise of social networking, it is important to understand the dynamics of a social forum. Most forum posters will fit into the categories below, so you would be well served in learning about them, and discovering their weaknesses.

Newbies are disoriented and confused, timidly joining in the conversation with well meaning and non incendiary posts. Bland and boring for the most part, they are biding their time until they emerge from their newbie cocoon and take their final form as members of one of the groups below. Newbies are often prime recruitment material for the popular girl group.

Annoying newbies are disoriented and confused, but insist on making this everyone else's problem. They ask the same question over and over, becoming more insistent until at last all their posts are written with the caps lock on. Annoying newbies may undergo a similar metamorphosis into one of the groups listed below, but are often killed by moderators before they have the chance.

Poor little piggies. The piggies are always getting picked on, and if there is a sacrifice that needs to be made, then they are more likely than not at the top of the list of nominated sacrificees. Piggies can be recognized by their bleating posts and the fact that they are always losing their glasses. Piggies are good at soliciting sympathy initially, but before long, one soon sees why they were being picked on in the first place and dons the ol' spiked boots to join in the beating.

The popular girls always seem to be sweetness and light, but underneath the facade of pretty hair and make up, they are vicious wee beasts. The popular girls work in packs, picking off less popular girls and boys, and tormenting them for their own amusement. Popular girls dominate the forums, outposting other members 4:1. The downfall of a popular girl is a wonder to behold, as it can only occur when there is a mass uprising against her. She almost always goes down screeching, but whilst the villagers rejoice that the witch is dead, a new popular girl is sure to be on the rise.

These are the guys who'd do almost anything to get in bed with the popular girls. They also have high post ratios, though in general they tend to be more laid back than the popular girls. As in a pack of lions, the hunting and killing of prey is left to the females who revel in their vicious task, and the males are generally content to bat at it a bit with their big paws before stretching out and going to sleep.

Occasionally post strange things that nobody understands, or spend vast amounts of time solo, just doing their own thing and largely ignoring the workings of the wider group. The weirdo also functions as a substitute piggy at times that none other can be found. Things do have to be pretty desperate for a weirdo to be picked on however, as the chances are quite high that they either will not notice what is going on, or will unexpectedly tear the picker a new one with an hitherto unforeseen vigor and loquaciousness.