Coast Your Way to Better Gas Mileage

The high cost of gas has America in a choke hold and it's slowly killing us.

As the exhaust fumes rise in all their global-warming ecstasy, the average Joe's paycheck shrivels from the stink.

Americans need lower gas prices. Period. The question is how?

How can the everyday, lunch toting, button down t-shirt wearing, and business casual wannabe lower their cost at the pump? Well, all I gotta say is this... Coast, daddy, coast.

Can you see them? All those big oil execs prancing like drunken fairies with their gazillion trillion dollar payouts. I say, let's put the hammer down. Let's stop the dancing!

Good grief, we must take a stand (or at least a few stools) with these guys.

Yeah, yeah, yada, yada, I know. We Americans love our sweet crude as much as the next superpower. But as I hear them frolick and dance; that bastion of big oil mucky mucks singing..... I have a gazillion... I have a trillion... I have the mosty-most gazillion trillion, ... my blood thickens.

Can you hear them too? AGGGGGHHHH!

Well I'm sorry. This "fuel crisis" is beginning to scrape a nerve; not to mention a few other body parts. And I suppose my pain would be less if these slicksters could actually feel pain.

Look at the numbers. How much money does one person need to grab at the expense of his fellow brother American? I don't know. Maybe we could ask some "unemployed" Exxon guys what they're doing with their $98 million.

Off with the show!

In blatant response to such financial disparity and outright insanity, I hereby declare myself as president, king, czar, ruler, pharaoh, head shaman, and indisputable omniscient overseer of the sovereign MANTRACOA nation. (as in, the MANual TRAnsmission Coasters Of America).

Not to be confused with the pre-Columbian Indian tribe, the MANTRACOW. (But that's another hub entirely)... Any takers?

And although MANTRACOA nation is a gated community, we still need leaders. Right?

So, as our leader, I propose a slogan...

Coast, daddy, coast.

Yes, our mantra in MANTRACOA is coasting.

Coast to stops, coast downhill, coast on ramps, coast to uncle Phil's, coast into driveways, coast next to pools, coast all day, coast until you drool. Coast here, coast there, coast, coast everywhere.... You get the drift.

But what's the cost for all this coasting? (Disregarding the annoying stares from a few gas-pedal-pushers) Well, the answer is nothing. Unless you call an average INCREASE in gas mileage of 15% a cost.

That's cold, hard, lovingly-saved cash deposited by way of our casual coasting fraternity. Yes indeed, living in MANTRACOA has its privileges. And saving money on gas is only the beginning.

You see. There are no taxes in MANTRACOA either. Nor are their speed limits, age requirements, bloodlettings, hearing tests, eyeball checks, bone density scans, next of kin forfeitures, or even stool samples. We're saving those for the slickys remember?

The borders are invisible and we have our own currency, the HIGHER MPG.

Right now, the exchange rate is rather favorable. It seems a lot of people are clamoring for them. I say. Buy now.

Yes indeed, life is good in MANTRACOA.

Come stay for awhile. The air is fine and the regulations are singular. As in, there's only one rule. (See DISCLAIMER)

It's up to you. Just keep on coasting until your coasting class is learned.

Go ahead. Take your time. Experiment. Know when to coast and when not to. That's part of the beauty. Soak it all in. Be a coaster. Practice, practice, practice.

So keep your head in the game, your hands on the wheel, and the HIGHER MPGs in your wallet. They like it in there.

All I can say is this. Living in MANTRACOA is fun for the whole family. Our kids are lovin' it. They talk the talk and jangle the lingo. It's great fun listening to their echoed chants of coast, daddy, coast; sometimes inappropriate (See DISCLAIMER) but nonetheless entertaining.

Lift the pedal up and put the hammer down... Coast, daddy, coast.

Hey, I'm coasting past the Coastal. Wahoo!

• All references to coasting are purely isolated to personal experience and all results are thus rendered non-scientific. Alternative results from your coasting may vary depending upon weather conditions, certain traffic laws, litter, road kill, orange barrels, construction cones, and or specific unmentionable passengers.
• Please DO NOT COAST on the highway. That's All.