It is well known that children are frequent sequesters of favours from Santa. They are his biggest fans, and quite frankly, his biggest 'believers'. However, there exist a number of adults, in their splendid innocence, and I might add that I am one of them, who still believe in Santa Claus. A number of interesting letters to the Great Jolly Man from the North Pole have recently come across my desk, and I would certainly be remiss if I did not share them with the world at large, at this, the 'festive season'.

Dear Santa,

I know that I am 25 years old, but really Santa, I have never had any of my requests of you denied. I was wondering, Sant, if you could help me out with a problem that is plaguing my life.

I have an enormous number of 'bad hair days' and I know this to be true because I have a 'Bad Hair Day Diary' which I keep faithfully and really I have too many. So all I ask for Christmas is no more bad hair days. Is that too big a request? I hope not.

Love Camilla

Dear Camilla,

I assure you that you have been on my 'Good Girls' list for many years and I have no problem with granting your wish. If I can make one little suggestion--your bad hair days are caused mostly by that conditioner you use, which I happen to know, since my elves know who is naughty and who is nice, so of course they also know who uses which conditioner on their hair.

Use a better quality conditioner and you might find your life goes much smoother.

Yours Santa

Dear Santa,

Hey Santa! Wassup?

I believe in you totally.and I have a little request for you to consider as follows Big Daddy....I wish this Christmas that you might switch your production facilities for toys from the 'Elves' to what you might call a more 'syndicated' network of toy builders, of which I happen to be the spokesman.

We could produce your toys at 1/2 the present price you are forkin' over to the Elves, I am certain of that. We know how to sub-contract out work to China and could get you 30% return on your investments.

Yours Vinnie

Dear Vinnie,

I don't know where to begin. I like the fact that you 'totally' believe in me, as that is essential. However, I feel your motivation is less for the children and more for the money you want to put into your wallet. Or in your case, your Swiss bank account.

Since you did not include the phrase "this is an offer you can't refuse" I take it that I can, so I do.

Yours

Santa Claus

Greetings Santa Claus,

My name is Fredrick Snelton III and I have a small wish I would like to make known to you in the hopes that you could fulfill it promptly (this Christmas) and thereby brighten my heart and so on and so on.

New Paragraph

Did you get that Miss. Weams ? Good.

Next Line.

Seeing as how I am...no scratch that...make it Seeing as how I find myself in dire financial straights with Daddy having gone and died and not included my interests in his Will, a Will which, I might add I was depending upon to restock my wine cellar and make needed repairs to the Van Gough hanging over the fire place in the East Wing...etc. etc.

I would ask that you make me a one-time gift of let us say...3.4 million?

New paragraph.

I am confident, Dear Santa, that you will not let me down and I will be certain to have Miss Weams add your name to our annual Easter Egg Hunt on the back lawn.

Sincerely Yours,

Fredrick Snelton III

PS My accountant will communicate with you as per details of transfer of funds and so on.

Dear Fredrick Snelton III,

This letter is being replied to by an automated reply service.

Santa has received your request but he begs you to understand that he recieves many thousands of requests for money every year and unfortunately cannot comply with them, owing to the fact that he, unlike the Government, does not have a license to print it.

Yours Department of Finance, Elf Building, North Pole.

Dear Santa,

I come to you in direst need. My whole career is on the line but if you can come through for me I could be up for a Tony this year for the opus I am presently putting through it's paces on off-off-Broadway--a little play I am going to call "Afghanistan--The Musical".

Well to put it to you as succinctly as I can 'S'. as I'm sure you are at least as busy up there in 'Snowsville' as my agent is down here trying to keep me from bankruptcy proceedings...well I simply wish you to run your eyes over the manuscript of the play and see if you can, provide me with an idea for the Second Act?

You will see when you read it that it, to put it bluntly, 'sucks'. All I need is a plot twist that will propel the characters in the drama into the Third Act where they meet up with Osama Bin Laden and sing what will surely be the hit of the show "Seventy-seven Virgins Await in Heaven for Me" together with a dance number that includes live camels and three on-stage explosions.

Hoping you will lend an ear to my little Christmas wish and if you are ever in town look me up and we'll do lunch at Winegroove's on 44Th St.

Sincerely Miley M. Melville

Dear Miley,

I well recall your letters as a child, that you sent me so very often, requesting my help with your latest literary efforts and fictional scribblings.

At the time I was able to lend you my advice with a conflict, a denouement, or an atmospheric touch that you found helpful in getting your stories into the public eye.

Now however, with the world so very much larger than it used to be, and global warming threatening the very stabiltiy of the Workshop not to speak of the flooding that is occuring as a result of the melting of the Arctic ice shield, I have, alas no spare time to play the 'bard' and wrangle with you word-wise.

Trusting that you find your muse is not absent but merely taking a long vacation...

Sincerely S.Claus

PS I'll take you up on the luncheon date the next time I am in The Big Apple on business.