Make Your Own Fortunes for Fortune Cookies

Do you have a ritual when it comes to fortune cookies? One of the neatest things about these cookies is that eating them is actually the least important part of your fortune cookie experience. Some people believe that the fortune cookie closest to you is the one you should get—that’s right, no more reaching across the table for the bigger cookie. Other people like to read their fortunes aloud, while some prefer to keep them quiet. I know some who believe you have to eat half of the cookie before reading the fortune, or it won’t come true. A lot of people like to tag a saying on to the end of the fortune, like “in bed.” You know those people want a fortune that says something like: “You will find great joy.” …in bed!

If you enjoy the whole ritual that comes along with fortune cookies, you might be interested in making your own. There are several recipes for homemade fortune cookies. Honestly, though, what is the point of a fortune cookie without a fortune? If you decide to make your own cookies, you must make some fortunes.

Think of the fun you can have with your friends! Of course, you can make serious fortunes, but where is the fun in that? Wouldn’t you rather make it a fun joke? Of course you do!

I’m going to provide a list of ideas for fortunes, but feel free to think of your own and share them with us in the comment box at the bottom of the page.

• · Your meal did have MSG.
• · There was a stranger’s hair in your soup.
• · Smile: everyone is staring at you.
• · Everyone knows you are wearing a toupee.
• · You can’t count your eggs if the chicken is already dead.
• · The fat man walks alone.
• · Cleanliness is next to saintliness, but you are far from both.
• · Chinese food reigns supreme.
• · In small print: Expires 02/1987
• · When all else fails, add more salt.
• · Eating shellfish from a buffet is never wise.
• · Duh!
• · Don’t watch the movie, read the book.
• · A scarf around the neck is the sign of a steady head.
• · Don’t be fooled by a peacock’s beauty for his bite is bloody.
• · Whenever it is wet underfoot, wear galoshes.
• · An after-dinner walk stimulates the blood.
• · Nothing suits a full belly better than a game of freeze tag.
• · Crumbs are the essence of what was.
• · The ten second rule never applies in public.
• · Got mints?
• · All your fears are true.
• · Arguing with a wise man will only get you foolishness.
• · Real men wear tighty whities.
• · Bananas are not a juicy fruit.
• · Desire is a great man’s undoing.
• · Do everyone a favor when you are grumpy: shut up.

Some of the above fortunes are funnier than others. In fact, some are more serious than funny—not a lot, but some. So, you have the freedom to do what you want with your own fortunes. You can be brutally honest: tell someone their nose is too big or their new boyfriend is a perv. Or, you could be funny. Or sweet. Or optimistic.

The future is in your hands. Use the power.