Men In Lingerie: Are You In The Panty Closet?
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This article relates to an issue that I know affects a great deal of men who like to wear women's lingerie. You meet someone, she's beautiful, and she's sweet, and she is smart, she's everything you want in a woman. There's just one problem - she either doesn't know about your proclivities towards wearing women's lingerie, or she can't stand you wearing it. In either case, you've run up against a very sticky problem. What do you do?
There are two levels of problem here, the first one is more easily solved than the second. The first one is that she isn't into it because you haven't told her about it. Many men avoid telling their partners until later on in the relationship because they fear rejection. This is a mistake for a couple of reasons. One, there is a stage in a relationship, usually around the time that things start getting intimate, when it is only fair to her and you to reveal this desire.
The second reason it is a mistake to withold the fact that you wear lingerie is illustrated by comments on some of these hubs from women who say things like "Well if he wore lingerie, he better tell me on the first date, because I'll never see him again."
Tell me, do those women sound like nice people? Do they sound like someone you'd be happy in a relationship with? Chances are, if a woman rejects a potential mate based on what they wear regardless of their personality or any other characteristics, then she is more than likely going to be one of those soul sucking succubi who will consume you from the inside out.
People who are that narrow minded when it comes to someone they care about will have a hard time accommodating other life problems. If you can't wear panties, then what else isn't going to be acceptable in her world? What unrealistic expectations is she going to put on you as a man? If you lose your job and can no longer afford to buy nice clothes, will she leave you?
I am not saying that simply because a woman doesn't want to be with a man who wears panties sometimes that she is evil, I am saying that the type of thinking that leads a person to reject a loving, caring, smart, etc guy based on his underwear is so flawed that it cannot help but have a negative impact in other areas of their life. Bottom line, if you tell her and she reacts like that, then she would make you miserable anyway.
Here's a secret guys... if a woman loves you, she won't care if you want to wear a dinosaur suit while making love, as long as its not all the time, and as long as you are equally accommodating of her needs and desires as she is going to have to be of yours.
I'm going to let you in on a little personal story... I wasn't always a fan of men who wore lingerie. I didn't even think about it. It just wasn't something that had ever come up. Then one day I met a man, grew to like him, and at an appropriate point in our relationship, as we began to get intimate and share our desires, he shared the fact that he liked to wear womens lingerie sometimes. It was a little odd at first, but I loved him, and I soon grew to like the lingerie, to the point that I now write about it extensively.
If you're in the closet and it doesn't affect you, if you're happy in your relationships, and you can live with there being a significant facet of your life that your significant other doesn't know about, then fine, but if it is eating away at you any making you unsatisfied, then coming out of the closet isn't just something you need to do for you, its something you need to do for your partner too. If she refuses to accept it at first, there may still be a way forward if you are willing to discuss the matter and perhaps negotiate with her. If this is a revelation you have sprung on her after several years of marriage, or if you've been together for several years, then be prepared to take the heat, you do deserve it.
Relationships are about negotiation and fufiling one another's desires. Seek to find a way that you can pursue your lingerie wearing interests to the benefit of both of you.
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Comments
I couldn't agree more. I believe in order to have a truly successful and fulfilling relationship it requires two people who are being themselves, and accepting themselves and each other. Not always agreeing, but always trying to communicate and work it out. Two projected images of what you THINK the other person desires or approves of is never truly satisfying, and rarely works over the long haul.
Problem is I haven't had a significant other in many years, and my desire to wear, and the pleasure I get from women's lingerie has grown significantly in the last year or two. (Perhaps in proportion to my lack of sexual/emotional companionship??) Who knows. The point I want to make is that so many men than most women realize are so DESPERATE to be loved by somebody that they will give up some of their emotional honesty, their own desires, will go greatly outside their usual comfort zones and preferences-just to have SOMEONE, almost anyone, love them or at least satisfy some their needs for a partner and companionship.
It IS sad really, but often when considering the alternative, especially if your SO brings you some joy and hapiness, or somehow else satisfies your relationship/companionship needs...it is all to often easier to to delude oneself, to gloss over the trouble spots in your relationship, and hiding part of who you really are, in the hope of having those other needs fulfilled. It is deceitful, but an all to easy teptation nonethless.
Not an ideal situation, but as one gets older and starts running out of time, one's choices shrink drastically.
For myself though, as I've come to increasing acceptance of this desire to own and wear sexy women's lingerie and clothing as a part of me that gives me pleasure both sexually and emotionally, I've come to realize how important to accept and eventually share this part of me, as witness my presence and responses on this site and your hub. ( It truly is a first for me.) So yes, I agree that if the possibilities for romance and a serious relationship arise, I know it will be important to share with, and have some degree of acceptance from, any potential SO of this part of me.
Anyway, as usual, thanks for the insightful essay. (You keep on giving me ALL kinds of ideas for essays girl!)
Hello dave and madeline, I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Thanks both for sharing your perspectives, they really help others who come browse these hubs understand what is going on from the horses' mouth, or get to feel a little less alone in their proclivity.
Good insight into the male desire for love too, madeline, we don't hear much about that. Here I was thinking that it was all about sex and golfing on the weekends ;)
(That wasn't intended sarcastically either. I think society's perception of men has almost dehumanised them in some ways, almost to the point where when one thinks of a man, one things of a creature who likes sex and hitting things, rather than a person who craves love like everyone else.)
(Of course, they're probably both. Bless them.)
I went shopping with my girlfriend today and she picked out two pairs of panties for me, she is really cool with it and likes to pick the ones I will wear while I am away, (I work away from home) I guess I am just lucky.
I have been in a loving relationship for 15 years. We have been often asked how we have done it survived all the normal relationship hang ups etc. the foundation of our relationship is built on honesty and trust. and from that has grown unconditional love. People seek love then trust and honesty, but if you are to truly love another and be loved in return, you have to have the trust and honesty first.
Most guys that wear panties, isn't for any sexual thrill its just they feel better i themselves. So guys I personal think if a woman can not handle you as you are for who you are, is she really the one for you ? Of course it has to go both ways. relationships are never a one way street
It is pathetic when you think about it that society considers a male weak or unmasculine simply because of the clothing they wore. Christ himself, the Son of God, might have something to say about that, given He wore a long dress-like outfit. So would the ancient Romans and Greeks. Ancient Greek men like Pythagoras wore short, fluted, white skirt-like outfits, but were not considered lesser men, or effeminate. And let's not forget all those invasions fought by the ancient Romans. It should be noted that the Romans' armour ended in a kind of skirt-like look. And their togas resembled a kind of long dress. But, weak, unmanly? Hardly. Not only did they create an empire for themselves, they were the first civilisation to have a decent government. Many ancient Romans were strong and muscular. Let's face it, they had to be to build places to live in, not forgetting the Colisseum, the arena where gladiators fought.. Oh yeah, and don't forget all those invasions. Unmanly? I think not. And don't forget the kilt-wearing Highlanders who fought at Culloden moor, for they certainly weren't weak, unmanly or effeminate, I assure you! How do I know this? Because I have met a Scot in his full regalia, and he was nothing less than one hundred per cent masculine, and carried his dirk with him, so let's stop behaving as if we are stuck in the dark ages. This is 2009 AD, the 21st century, so let us stop thinking along the lines of "clothes maketh the man", because it doesn't. In the words of Dorothy Parker, "Brevity is the soul of lingerie", and as Oscar Wilde once remarked, "Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear". The quote is from his1895 novel, An Ideal Husband. The panties I wear are white female briefs so perfectly designed that they keep my penis and testicles under wraps. We really should abolish the House of Lords. Why? Because all they do is make laws that do nothing except make men as miserable as they possibly can-and then some. The Government has proven that it is incapable of ruling England fairly; it is corrupt and degenerate. We ourselves would be far more intelligent and far better suited at ruling ourselves.
Excellent Hope, as I have stated before I have been marred now for 32 years and until recently she was not aware of me wearing panties because I kept it a secret. After building up the nerve to say something a while back she did not take it well. I wish I had this advice 32 years ago. This is great advise to those starting out.
hi hope i aggrea with you in that it is much better to tell your partner at the start of the relationship than try to hide it and tell her later i told my ex that i liked to wear girls clothes and she was ok with it we were together 24 years so it lasted quite a long time.
after about 3 or 4 years i came home one day to find out she had threw out allmy male underclothes and now i only had female ones she said they wear only taking up room in my draws and that i seldom wore them so from that day forward i have not owned or wore any male underwear, now around 25 years.
Honesty has always been best policy and it will always be the best policy. I told my wife on our third date that wore lingerie and she almost ripped my clothes off to see. She giggled at first but she felt the pretty lingerie I was wearing she couldn't keep her hands off me. My wife of 30 years wouldn't have me any other way.
This is the stuff dreams are made of. Of all my mates, SO's,GF's or what ever name, only one left me because of my dressing up. I crashed all the rest for compleaty diff reasons, funny yet sad. I would do things alot different with 1 or 2 of them so as to perhapes return to there graces but I know lost is lost. But you need for them to know all about you and what makes you tick. Not all suprises are good.
davepilotch47 says:
2 years ago
Dear Hope,
Once again you have hit at the heart of the matter. I was married for 12 years and didn't tell her and naturally when I did, it ended. No surprise there, I should have recognized her for the "soul sucking succubi" she is in the first place. The panties were just her excuse to call it quits. Anyway, since I have been on my own I have told two women that I have been intimate with upfront. The first was accepting but looking for a husband and I wasn't ready for that again. The second I'm still with and we go lingerie shopping together. We have so much fun with each other dressing and just generally letting out hair down. Thank you very much for your Hub you have great insight into the hetero CD.
Lots of Love,
Dave