My Final "Good Bye"
80
|
The Grieving Garden: Living with the Death of a Child
Price: $11.70
List Price: $16.95 |
|
Helping Children Grieve
Price: $40.49
List Price: $59.99 |
|
Trevor Romain: What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies?
Price: $5.49
List Price: $14.98 |
|
Pumpkinhead
Price: $2.99
|
![After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death (Grief) [VHS]](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41CT24KW3JL._SL75_.jpg){kind=small}
|
After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death (Grief) [VHS]
Price: $19.95
|
|
Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning
Price: $8.97
List Price: $14.99 |
|
"Heaven's Doorway" Touching 8x10 Poem, Double-matted in Dark Green Over Burgundy and Enhanced with Watercolor Graphics.
Price: $11.95
|
|
A Letter From Heaven
Price: $11.57
List Price: $15.99 |
|
The Dragonfly Door - a Mom's Choice Awards Recipient
Price: $11.54
List Price: $17.95 |
|
In Search of a Golden Sky
Price: $3.11
List Price: $9.97 |
|
The Empty Room: Understanding Sibling Loss
Price: $4.64
List Price: $14.00 |
|
Do They Have Bad Days in Heaven? Surviving the Suicide Loss of a Sibling
Price: $14.91
List Price: $17.95 |
|
Letters to Sara: The Agony of Adult Sibling Loss
Price: $11.50
List Price: $14.95 |
|
Recovering From the Loss of a Sibling: When a Brother or Sister Dies
Price: $14.98
List Price: $17.95 |
|
A Butterfly for Brittany: A Children's Book About the Death of Another Child, from a Child's Point of View
Price: $11.95
List Price: $11.95 |
|
Sibling Grief: Healing after the Death of a Sister or Brother
Price: $13.95
List Price: $13.95 |
|
Loving Richie: The True Story of Hearts Connected Beyond Death
Price: $12.99
List Price: $12.99 |
|
Hugs & Kisses from Brittany: A Children's Book About the Death of Another Child, from a Child's Point of View
Price: $11.95
List Price: $11.95 |
|
My Liddle Buddy Jake
Price: $11.95
List Price: $11.95 |
|
Sibling Loss
Price: $59.94
List Price: $69.95 |
A Final Note
My Dearest Sweet One,
Even though you were not born to me, I fell in love with you the second I looked into your sky blue eyes. Your face was framed by blonde curly locks of hair, framing your joyful grin. Your tiny fingers gripped around my thumb in a tight embrace. Your skin was that of an angel’s – soft, delicate, pink and glowing. I will never forget how you gazed into my eyes, trusting, believing, and already loving me unconditionally. We fell in love with each other.
When you came home, you were bundled up in a soft, blue sateen blanket. Your eyes were closed as you slept soundly. Your brothers and sister were ecstatic when we opened the door and brought you home. I was sure all the noise and excitement would wake you. I asked them all to be quiet, to slow down, and to be careful but they were children too, and how could they? They were beyond excited when their baby brother came home. It was a joyous occasion and we all celebrated.
Finally, you woke, not because of the noise, but because you were hungry. Everyone was mesmerized by your beautiful eyes, your curls swaying this way and that as were you held by each of them. You were surrounded by love.
Time passes so quickly. You learned to recognize each of your loved ones faces, answer to each of their voices and laugh when they played and tickled you. You reached milestone after milestone. The first time you giggled. The first time you tasted pureed peaches. The first time you uttered da-da. The first time you sat up on your own. So many firsts and all accomplished with unfettered confidence.
You loved to play. Music was your favourite. You would dance as you jumped in the Jolly Jumper. You would clap your hands to the rhythm. When you were upset, all I had to do was sing a song and you would calm down immediately.
Before long, you were crawling, walking and then running. It was always a game of catch up with you as you were always running. Your feet barely touched the ground. I never understood why you were in such a hurry. But you were. You were excited to experience everything that you could. I understand now.
With the blink of an eye, your first birthday turned to second, third, fourth and, not too long ago, seventh. Throughout the years, you have had many more firsts. And I am unable how to express how it feels to have been part of them. My heart soared when I coached your first year in soccer. You were a strong player and always persistent. You weren’t afraid, as you are now. You loved school, your teachers, your friends. Every day you came home excited with another story to share.
I wish I listened more. I wish I listened carefully. I wish I recorded everything you did. I wish, I wish. That is how I feel. I can’t help wonder if I did a good job raising you and being there for you. Sometimes I wonder if I had been careful enough about cleaning your scraped knee or holding you long enough during your fever, been more compassionate when you had a nightmare for another 100th night in a row. I hope I have done a good job of being your mother. I hope you forgive me for the times I have been too tired, too stretched to give you more attention, too rushed to slow down, too busy with your siblings to stop and give you more time.
I know that the answer lies in my own heart. I believe I have done the best job of being your mother that I possibly could. I cannot have regrets for what I have not done, for I am only human with limited capacities. I have always done what, I believe, was in your best interest. I still feel that way.
Even so, saying good bye is no easy task. I pray to God that you carry a piece of my heart with you on your next journey. I pray that what I have given you will be enough to carry you through. I carry a piece of you in my heart. I pray that it will be enough to carry me through the dark times ahead. I pray that we have more than a few hours together. I have so much to say and to show you. We haven’t even finished decorating our home for Halloween. We need more time, please. I have so much love for you that I can’t give it all to you in such a short period of time. Please, a few more weeks, that’s all I ask. Please.
Tears roll down my cheeks as I write this as I know that our time left together is very short. My heart is breaking and a hole is beginning to form. I know that the time is nearing, the bigger the hole, the closer it comes. I have no idea how I will fill it when you are gone. The pain is already too great and my mind can’t accept the final outcome. I pray that you will be safe, as I know you will be as God will care for you.
Every second is a sacred second. I don’t want to waste one of them, but night has fallen and you must rest. I will sit by your side, hold your hand and wipe your tears. Angels will carry you to sweeter dreams.
I love you, my Sweet One.
Good bye.
Mommy
Beth100
October 28, 2009
Copyright 2009
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
This is such a moving hub, I am deeply touched and I just can't find any words God bless you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
KCC - Thank you for your kindness and your words. They mean a lot to me. I am sorry for your loss. Warm hugs.
Maggs224 -- Thank you too for your kindness and thoughts. I appreciate your support.
I am forwarding this to my family and I hope they get as much from it as i did!
You are surely a great mother.
I lost my son at the age of three, I sat by his side, I held his hand and said my final goodbyes, that was twelve years ago. Be strong.
This is so sad, I do feel for you and please know you are now in my prayers. All I can say is, sometimes god just loans these angels to us for a while, then with no apparent reason or logic reclaims them as he did his own son. Peace and love. CC
sorry is he dying or just moving on....... enjoyed every minute of this, maybe it is just too early in the morning for me
This is a powerful article. Thank you for baring your soul. My prayer is for you is to be comforted by the One who loves you with an everlasting love.
This is so touching.
Resspencer - Thank you for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me.
Ek Ellis - I am sorry for your loss. My heart is heavy, but your words of encouragement help me. Thank you.
Ralwus - CC, you are right, our precious angels are only on load to us until He decides it is time to reclaim them for a higher purpose. Still, it is difficult to accept. I, am however, trying my hardest to focus on the many wonderful times we shared. Thank you for your comforting words.
Poetlorraine -- My mind will not allow my heart to go past the point of never seeing, holding, kissing him or telling him how much I love him.
Ken R. Abell - I thank all my fellow friends and hubbers for allowing me to share this period of time. I do not know how I would cope otherwise. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Itakins - Thank you.
Beth this was an incredibly moving piece. Such a touching tribute to "gifts we cannot keep".
Such tender mama-words-thank you for sharing such a difficult time. Beautiful.
You did a wonderful job sharing this with all of us. Although it pains me to learn that you are losing him, I have no doubts about your love for him and the effort you put forth in raising him. He loves you and you love him always. That's really all that matters, Beth. You are both in my prayers. Thank you, Beth.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful, sad, and deeply moving part of your life with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
So very sad and yet...the two of you are bound together for all eternity. When time passes, you will remember more of the happy times than the sad. Losing a child no matter what the age is difficult for parents. Not the natural order of things. My mother once told me that losing her son was more difficult than losing the love of her life...her husband. Now she has lost both sons and I am her only child left. Your hub has touched me deeply. Hope that you are surrounded by caring people who understand. May God bless you and help get you through this trial.
Oh my God..Such an amazing hub..it touched my heart..Thank you so so much for sharing :)
Rose Mary -- I must remind myself that we do not "own" our children for they are their own. Thank you.
Lorlie6 - Thank you for sharing your time with me. It helps to know that I have this support.
Dohn -- You are correct, Dohn. We love each other and that will never change. Thank you for your prayers and your caring words.
RedElf - Sometimes I must write to express how I feel so that I don't explode. I am grateful to you and everyone for sharing and giving me a shoulder to lean on. Thank you.
Peggy W - I feel for your mother, it must be extremely difficult for her, and you. I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for your prayers and thoughtfulness.
Livingsta - Thank you for taking the time to be part of this period in my life.
Oh Beth, my heart is bleeding for you...
Oh my Beth...this is so sad...I am so sorry that you are going through such rough times right now. I am here for you sweety no matter what!
I'm crying with you.
Beautifully moving. To any mother and father who are blessed to be guardians of children, your words can encompass death or the child moving into their own. Children are never owned and hearts break when the cord is stretched to breaking point.
Misha -- You've always held a spot inside of me -- never waivering, always strong. Thank you because I am drawing upon this.
Crazd -- You have been with me almost every night. Tonight, you have given me the greatest gift I needed. A bit of laughter, a bit of lightness, a bit of rest. Thank you. xxx
Ivorwen -- I can't stop crying. I don't know when I ever will. My fun tonight is just a mask; temporary denial. Thank you for being there for me.
Jewels -- I can't go there yet. Thank you for your supportive and understanding words. You have spoken for me of what I can't answer. Thank you.
No words are ever enough - I do hope you are blessed with strength as you go through this. Any mother who can write this is a wonderful mother!
Hi Beth. What can I say? Thank you for sharing this with us. I do hope that you will find solace in the words and the compassion shown by your fellow hubbers. Stay strong and wherever your dearest one goes, I'm sure your child knows how much you love him or her.
I really feel for you Beth and am annoyed that I am only reading this now as I feel we are close friends. I just want to say sorry for your loss and well take a hug and you know where I am if you want to talk x
hi, I read this hub and I cried, am a mother myself and I feel for you,I am pretty sure, your child is proud of you and he was blessed, for a time he was taken care of by a mother like you.
Hi Beth, I know you've heard this alot already but maybe knowing one more person cares can give even the slightest bit of comfort. I am glad you know in your heart your human, and have done the very best you can. I truly hope you do not waste another second doubting the fact that your a good mother. Allow yourelf to grieve without guilt, and the tears will eventually stop. Thank you for sharing this, I hope it helps you some to get it out? I wish you peace and comfort, Beth.
The happy memories of your son is an everlasting gift, I'm glad there are many to help you through this painful time.
(((hugs))) This is a beautiful tribute. I pray for peace for you dear Beth and for your family.
Shalini -- Thank you for your comforting words.
Emievil -- My friends and fellow hubbers are, at this point in time, a lifeline for me. You are all helping to keep me pointed in the right direction. Thank you.
HT -- Don't be annoyed. I have made myself scarce for the past few weeks and will be again gone for a while in the next few weeks. I will find you. Thank you for being a dear friend. xoxo
PrettyDarkHorse -- I feel I am the one that has been blessed to have been given the opportunity to be in his life. It's just hard to accept that the inevitable will come. Thank you for your kindness.
Justine76 -- I write because it helps me when I am extremely emotional. I wrote this because I felt alone. I didn't expect anything in return. I have been given a gift from each and everyone one of you with your words of love, caring, understanding, encouragement and strenght. It does help to know that I am not alone. Thank you, Justine.
FlightKeeper -- The difficulty lies for me in accepting that he will only be a memory soon. I still can't go there. Thank you for your understanding.
Beth, your love is so powerful it is felt in every word of this outpouring for your son. our hearts are yours. bless you for sharing such an intimate place with your readers. :)
My heart and prayers go out to you. I miscarried twice and that was very difficult. I hardly begin to compare. I do want you to know that by reading your hub, you have inspired me to slow down, take lots more pictures and videos of my two kids (1&3) and cherish each moment I spend with them. Your son was blessed to have you for a Mom :)Praying for strength for you and your family during this time.
Dear Beth, I'm so very sorry for you loss. But I'm so glad for the grace and beauty that you have in writing about it. Sending kindest thoughts to you and your family.
Ow...I hurt from reading this pain your enduring. It is hard for folks to say the right thing when confronted against the knowledge of such a loss...but these great comments by your friends and readers here sure have been comforting to you...I know. I can't imagine what you are going through...but as friends do...just know we are all here for you in support.... and that your lil' angel has a great Mom in you! I'll pray that you can have help bearing the grief through the weeks to come...and that you will only know joy for the time being...and then ultimately a reunion on a future day! (Until you can see her once more in a better place.) Your friend, MPM
Jane@CM -- Thank you for your thoughts.
rebekahELLE -- Thank you for being there for me.
althea_m -- Yes, we must slow down and enjoy our gifts around us. Often, we don't realize this until it is too late. Thank you for your prayers.
Daniel Carter -- My emotions are taking my words away from me. Thank you for kindness and thoughts.
MPM -- Your words and everyone's here, have helped me and continue to. It is difficult to come and read, but I know that I find comfort when I do. Thank you, and you have been a true friend.
Beth, O know this hole all too well, and while you wrote a beautiful piece, I know the pain it took to write it. You are not alone,far from it, hold onto these comments and hold onto your strength, you are loved by many, and by me, god bless, Kimberly
Kimberly -- I know that you know this hole all too well. I cannot stop thinking about you. I'm holding on, barely at times, and then at other times, with much greater fortitude. Thank you for being strong for yourself and showing me that I can do it too.
I won't say a word. Silence is my gift.
It has been said that losing a child is the hardest loss of all - Blessings to both you and your family as you travel this journey. I am so terribly, terribly sorry. You are an amazing woman to have been able to pour out so much in this hub. Strength may seem far away but you will prevail, there is so much love surrounding you.
Tantrum -- Your very presence is a gift. Thank you.
The Rope -- I have few words today. I feel the love and support that is around me. Thank you for your words of ecouragement and support.
Oh Beth I'm so so sorry. All the strength in the world to you and your family.
kindest regards Zsuzsy
Zsuzsy - Thank you for your words of comfort.
Beth,
I still have small, deep holes from the losses in my life that won't ever go away. To me, they aren't painful voids anymore; they're happy memories of what I was blessed with. I will pray for you in hopes that you find solace and a purpose to guide you, without losing hope or faith.
Thank you, Beth, for sharing this emotive chapter in your life.
Sending you love
It's almost impossible to think time can heal, but strangely it does, thinking of you, you are in my thoughts and prayers
Beth, My heart heart and prayers are with you. I am so sorry to hear of your losing your child. Your expressions are deeply moving and yet beautiful in the light of a mothers unconditional love and endearing of the sentimental momories of your lovely child. I feel you will always be close in spirit and wach others hearts. It is so painful to hear of this loss. My prayers are with you and your family. {{Big Hugs}}
Zadrobi -- Yes, I have many old voids too. I believe that this will heal over time, but it's the "time" part that is difficult. Thank you for your love.
Cally2 -- Thank you, I appreciate it.
Poetlorraine -- I guess I just have to believe and carry forward. Thank you.
I*N*V*I*C*T*U*S -- He will always remain in my heart. Thank you for your strength and words of comfort.
My Dear Beth,
My heart aches knowing there is much pain and grief...and yet knowing there is so much love too. The mixed emotions is making everything full and yet empty. Aaah the paradox and mystery of life and love. And as I sit here quietly, teary eyed, grateful and sad, I send you loving hugs all across the miles. No words will capture what is inside but I pray you will feel the comfort and love sent your way. I am deeply grateful that you have felt so much support from your friends here on Hubpages, in knowing that God is holding you close through them and your family and friends.
Much love and light Beth, much love and light.
Michelle
Michelle -- Your words always bring peace to my soul. I don't know how you do it, but thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you this day.
James -- Thank you for your prayers and your words of comfort. They are greatly appreciated.
Beth, you accepted the pain and the love and received the comfort from God, from people! And acceptance and love brings peace to the soul even amidst the grief. I know you understand what I mean. I am teary eyed again as I visit here and feel you...thank you for sharing your heart. I learn much from you.
Michelle, I feel connected with you too. I understand what you mean. It has helped me tremendously to write and to share as I have received much love, strength, encouragement and comfort from everyone. Thank you, Michelle.
Oh Beth you tugged at my wee heart strings...I am going to reach inside the PC and give you a hugeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hug...love ya chickadee. xox
BP - Thank you for the hub -- exactly what I needed today. Love ya too, and sooo glad you're back! xox
My deepest sympathy on your loss. My sister lost her daughter 25 years ago and there is never a day that goes by that she doesn't miss and grieve for her. because I love my sister and my niece I grieve too but not in the same way. My you always be surrounded by love so that you can grieve.
Georgiakevin -- Thank you for your comforting words. I am very lucky as I am surrounded by family and friends.
I know this is small comfort, but you will see your little one soon, time passes quickly, but sometimes not a quickly as we'd like, I miss my own child who died 5 years ago but I know I'll see him soon.
Rebecca E. -- I am sorry for your loss. It is true, time passes quickly and I must take solace in this. Thank you for the gentle reminder and comforting words.
My heart is breaking along with yours. I have felt all those things that you described with my own 3 small children excepy the last. I pray to god that I will never go through what you are. I am praying for you and your child and will look at my children through a different scope after reading you heart wrenching account. I am so sorry- but have faith that god will carry you through this painful time.
Heartbreaking! I pray that God may ease your pain. I know it may not help, but remember that she is in better place right now- she's happy- and I'm sure she wishes she could ease your grief. Try to take comfort in the fact that our time here is short and you will be reunited soon. God Bless
JeniRae -- I'm a little short on words today, as he has now been gone for 3 days. The wound is fresh, and my emotions raw. Thank you for realizing that we should cherish each moment with our children. Thank you for your words of comfort.
Aim4strz -- Thank you for your prayers and for your thoughtfulness.
This story break heart! Very sad but great hub...
Skeri -- Thank you for your comments and support.
KCC Big Country says:
4 weeks ago
OMG..((((Hugs)))) I sit here bawling, reading such a beautiful hub about such a terribly difficult subject. I wish you all the best.
Tonight marks the 6th anniversary of me losing my son. One of the most memorable things someone said to me at my son's funeral was that I was a good mother.
I want you to know that you're a good mother. Cherish every last second. Take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you as you make it through this struggle.