Maybe it’s because I was raised well. Or maybe it’s because I believe that you should treat others how you would like to be treated. Maybe it’s my sense of spirituality, or maybe it’s just plain old common sense.

But it just doesn’t occur to me to attack people.

If I read a news article, blog, or HUB expressing a contrary point of view to mine it just doesn’t cross my mind to email, message, or comment to this person with anger. I don’t chose anger.

Obviously, we can’t all agree on everything. I am not talking about why we are all different or why we disagree. I’m talking about why some people react to those differences with anger and rage.

Rodney King, you’re singing my song.

According to “O”, The Oprah Magazine, people are mean because they hurt.

According to allphilosophy.com there are other reasons too, such as fatigue. The site also mentions the misguided notion that the mean person believes no wrong is being done because they are “toughening up” other people by attacking them.

I believe there's definitely useful information in these ideas. But I believe there is a central reason at the core of attacking. And I believe that reason is identification.

We live in a society where bashing occurs. Bashers are people that physically and verbally abuse & attack people that believe differently then they do.

Or do they…

As of the writing of this article, on this site alone I’ve posted about 100 HUBS. I have received 300,000 pageviews, 2500 comments and about 500 emails. Most of these have been positive. By positive, I mean that they were polite, meaningful, and contributed to the conversation. They didn’t all agree with my point of view – it would be absurd to think they would. And that’s fine.

Only a small handful have been negative. By negative I mean rude, mean, harassing or accusing. Instead of saying – “I read your opinion and would like to offer mine,” they choose instead to angrily attack. They think they need to put you down in order for them to feel justified. They think there is only right and wrong, and for them to be right they have to make you wrong. And they choose to let you, a total stranger, know this by attacking.

Why would anyone attack? I feel it’s because they believe they’ve been attacked. Even though the article wasn’t written to them, they perceived it in that way. Instead of reading it as a stranger’s article, they read it as a personal attack. So they attack back.

And that’s a scary thought.

Why would this stranger personalize my article to the point where they actually feel anger?

We read about celebrity stalkers in the news all the time. Jodi Foster, John Lennon, Geri Halliwell, Rebecca Shaeffer, not to mention all of the other violent stalking stories we read about in the media all the time.

We are usually horrified by these people and wonder what in the world would possess someone to feel connected to total stranger in such a strong way, with such deep emotion.

According to the stalking behaviors website one of the five categories of stalker profiles as described by Mullen (& colleagues) is “The Rejected” who experience anger and loss.

Let’s bring this back to the bashing commenter. The delusion of a personal connection to the article, the decision to lash out with anger at the author and the work instead of choosing to contribute in a healthy way, is a precursor to that stalker profile.

Of course I’m not saying everyone who leaves you a mean comment is going to stalk you. That would be like saying that everyone who has ever had a little cough is going to have full-blown lung cancer. But I am saying, coughing is a symptom of real sickness and should be watched.

Think of it in this way: I know nothing about airplanes. I have no desire to learn avionics and I have no connection or feelings about anything regarding airplane engines. If I were to come across an article about airplane mechanics I would think to myself, this has nothing to do with me, and I would move on. That would be the logical conclusion.

The connection between the article and the angry commenter is not logical. It is often repressed. Sometimes this is an easy case to spot: someone who attacks an article about why you shouldn’t forgive a cheater is either a cheater or the cheatee. They are defensive and embarrassed. Almost anyone who angrily attacks an article about gay rights has repressed tendency. Consciously it may seem they have nothing to do with this article, but clearly they don’t think this article has nothing to do with them. If it had nothing to do with them, they wouldn't attack it.

People tend not to have such emotional connections with subjects that do not affect them.

Whether the connection is a personal experience or an intellectual investment, they have a deep rooted connection to the subject matter whether they admit it or not. Someone who’s never been affected by cheating is most likely not going to choose to lash out over an article about affairs. Someone who is not gay isn’t going to be so emotionally invested that they can’t just walk away from an article about gay rights.

Sometimes the connections aren’t so clear. But the inner turmoil that leads to the delusion of a personal connection is what prompts the attacker in his head to attack back.

Often people that have the delusion of connection and choose to attack would not react that way in person. Something in their brain fears outing. Something tells them their attack is not admirable so they hide.

If you were standing online in Shoprite with your neighbor discussing the topic and someone overheard you that personalized your conversation to the point where they want to choose to angrily attack you, they most likely will not. They will hold their tongue as if a part of their brain is capable of knowing that behavior is not acceptable.

However, give them an anonymous comment box and they feel free to let that irrational attack loose. Some people would call this cowardice. Some would say it just marks the level of maturity the person has reached: a child does what he thinks he can get away with, whereas a mature adult does what he thinks is right no matter the consequences.

Hubpages provides comment moderation, meaning that a Hubpage writer can set their comments to wait for approval. Additionally, all comments appear to the writer with the IP address of the submission.

It’s not difficult at all to trace the IP address, locate the city of origin, cross reference it through a statcounter site to other hits, and even trace their other activities online. (Some of these services are even free offering an advanced service often well-worth every penny they charge.) It is also relatively easy to submit a harassment complaint to the IP provider, and if worse comes to worse, have the district attorney of that area look into threats, slander, or stalking.

I continue to be someone that doesn’t think to personalize the work of a stranger who’s never done anything to me, and I don’t feel the need to lash out with anger at a stranger. I’m the person that tends to walk away.

Even though I can understand why, for example, a cheater would choose not to participate in a healthy discussion about cheating, but rather, to lash out with anger and judgment at an article highlighting all their personal flaws, it is still something that bothers me.

I may feel sorry for the person, but I won’t deny that it bothers me. I think anyone that invests careful time and thought into an article is bothered by inconsiderate commenters.

Absolutely not.

Again, I want to make it clear that I am not talking about someone who disagrees and offers a healthy view point, demonstrates that they actually read and were capable of understanding your article, and has taken the time to compose a useful comment discussing an opposing idea.

I’m talking about a comment that bashes, lashes out, shows that this person didn’t understand or read what you wrote, or demonstrates anger and other unhealthy impairments to your work.

Look at it this way – if it made you uncomfortable to read, then it probably wil make other readers uncomfortable too. You do not owe this angry person anything: not airtime, not an explanation, not a forum for his repressed feelings or guilt, not directions to a local therapist – nothing. Your article is YOUR article. You are allowed to keep it positive. You are allowed to make it a place where people can discuss views in a healthy way, and you are allowed to deny any commenter who wants to ruin that forum.

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All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

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