Online Dating Mistakes Men Make

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By Isabella Snow



I live in a country where I’m really just not compatible with the local stock. It’s partially a mentality, and it’s partially a physical thing; I like big, broad-shouldered men who can throw me around in the bedroom, and I’ve yet to see anyone even close to that over here. Therefore, I have little choice but to resort to online dating. Not that I mind – it’s fantastically convenient in a number of ways.

It’s like shopping, and all women love shopping to some degree.

However. Men don’t always realize how closely women inspect what they are shopping for. Nor do they seem to realize that the rules of in-person dating still apply to online dating. To a point, anyway. The following are mistakes quite a few men make on a regular basis. And they continue to make them, because women just break off contact without telling them what they did wrong. So this is for y’all – you men who lack a certain online dating etiquette.

Stop messing up!

  • Don’t wink.

Don’t send me a wink and expect me to reply unless you’re George Clooney. I don’t chase men in person, and I’m not about to do so online, either. If you could take the time to wink at me, you could have sent a sentence-long email telling me you’d like to get to know me better. Winking just lets me know you lack the confidence to date me; if you really were interested, you’d have told me so.

  • Don’t spend an hour online and not reply to your emails.

Dating sites show when you’re online – if you’re actively trolling through the site looking for Ms. Right, you’d better take a moment to reply to last email you solicited before you log out. Otherwise, Ms. Maybe is going to tell you where you can stick the next email you send her. If you’re able to search a dating site, you can reply to your emails. Anything else is game playing. These 3-day rules? These are for men who have women falling at their feet. If you were one of these men, you wouldn’t be on a dating site.

  • Don’t disappear over the weekend.

A lot of people, men and women alike, scour online dating sites while they’re at work during the week. They strike up a chat and use it to entertain/flatter their egos – and they do this on a daily basis. And then when the weekend comes around they use their newly pumped up image to go out to a bar and try to pick someone up in person. People like this suck. Don’t be one. And if you are, don’t pop back online come Monday. If you do, expect a rapid deflation of your ego.

  • Be ready to communicate off-site.

In other words, you need to know when to stop emailing through the dating site and switch to a real email system. It doesn’t have to be your work email – you can use a hotmail address if you want to. Online chatting and Skype are even better means of communication. But insisting on keeping things on the dating site says you’re afraid of progress. And if you’re so unsure of a woman that you can’t even decide whether or not it’s ok to use a proper email address, something is wrong. I have had this happen twice and it’s really quite annoying. Not to mention a complete waste of my time.

  • Don’t ask for additional photos unless you plan to reciprocate.

I realize men are more visual than women, but don’t request more pics of a woman and not have anything to give her in return. And don’t you dare try to pawn off a 10 year old photo and think it makes up for not having anything. You want something? Give something; anything less is unfair when dealing with a perfect stranger.

--

These are the most common mistakes I've encountered, and I run the other way the second I see them coming. Do your love life a favor and don't make them yourself!

xx Isabella

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MrMarmalade profile image

MrMarmalade  says:
10 months ago

This is all new to me

docjim505 profile image

docjim505  says:
10 months ago

More excellent advice. Could you suggest some tips for how to make one's "profile" stand out a bit? Are some pics "better" than others? I don't believe in dishonesty, o' course (I'm not going to claim that I run triathalons, for example!), but what should a fellow say other than the routine, "I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain"?

Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel  says:
10 months ago

DocJim!! I thought your new love life was going quite well??!! Are you back on the dating sites?? Isabella wrote some GREAT Hubs on your questions!! You are a handsome gent and seem like a really nice guy!!?? Blessings, Earth Angel!!

docjim505 profile image

docjim505  says:
10 months ago

EA,

Thank you very much for the kind words. Sorry to say that it didn't work out with my last GF. However, I've met another woman, and we're having our first date tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Isabella has written all sort of great advice for guys; her posts on clothing have been especially helpful to me as I am totally fashion challenged. Many of her posts of "what to do / not to do on a date" have also been useful, though I can say that "my Mama raised me right" and, like all good Southern boys, courtesy toward women is something that I learned at an early age. The trick is, how to best communicate "Hey! I'm a really nice guy who doesn't bring his toothbrush on the first date!" to all the ladies on the sites who all seem to lament, "Where are all the nice guys?" or "Are there any nice guys out there?"

Stacie Naczelnik profile image

Stacie Naczelnik  says:
10 months ago

Great hub. I'd love to see one on how to safely date online (maybe geared towards older ladies who are new to the online scene and newly single). I have some people I would love to be able to refer to a hub like that.

Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel  says:
10 months ago

Hey DocJim!! Oh yes, a Southern gentleman in Silicon Valley!! No wonder dating may feel a bit odd!! I will say prayers that your date tomorrow goes smoothly!! Yep, that Isabella gives good advice!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson  says:
10 months ago

Good Job :O)

Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow  says:
10 months ago

Mr. Marmalade - Its a whole other world!! ;)

Doc - Yes, I've done an article on that for women and Ill make one for men soon.

Stacie - Thanks! And how much older..? But yeah thats a good idea, I should make one about online dating saftey. I'll get to that soon!

G-Ma - Thank you! :)

docjim505 profile image

docjim505  says:
10 months ago

Isabella and EA,

Thanks very much.

Fretbuzz  says:
10 months ago

The first of which is on-line dating. j/k Isa. ;~)>

Denmarkguy profile image

Denmarkguy  says:
10 months ago

Interesting stuff-- I guess I feel a bit "removed" from the whole idea of using a dating site; haven't done so in over 10 years. Seems much of what you say here (at least to me) comes under the general headings of "common sense" and "common courtesy" although your words suggest they perhaps are not so "common."

My primary recollection of Internet dating sites was that they were offputtingly riddled with boasting and exaggeration... to the point where the "real" person bore little resemblance to the "promises" made in profiles... and those who were actually honest (gasp!) langoured in unnoticed obscurity.

Bryan  says:
10 months ago

Id love to get to know you better. please??? you're very beautiful,if I may say so.

Kenny Wordsmith profile image

Kenny Wordsmith  says:
10 months ago

My G-ma, too! :o)

Sensible hub, Isabella. 
Even a 'nice' man like me,makes the mistakes you listed, inadvertently. 
It's good to know where one's going wrong, thanks! 

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson  says:
10 months ago

oh Kenny how do you go wrong???  G-Ma :O)but Isabella you went wrong>>> I asked you NOT to approve my comment G-Ma :O(

Brandy Owens profile image

Brandy Owens  says:
10 months ago

I completely agree. Too many men make these mistakes, and I've been on the receiving - and leaving - end of those mistakes. I'm glad you wrote such an honest article, outlining it. Maybe more men will read it and stop making these mistakes. :) Good job.

Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow  says:
10 months ago

Doc - You're welcome. ;)

Fret - You're a bad man!

Denmark - Common courtesy isnt all that common. ;)

Kenny - Thanks!

G-Ma - I dont have comment moderation on.. I didn't "approve" your first comment, it happened automatically. :) It's denied now. In the future, if you decide you don't like something you wrote, you have approx. 5 minutes to edit it, and you can delete the text you don't like. :)

Brandy - I hope more men read it!! Pass it around, please! ;)

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson  says:
10 months ago

thanks Honey..now i know.didn't mean to upset you?? G-Ma:O)

Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow  says:
10 months ago

Not at all, G-Ma! Just wanted to make sure you knew I didnt do it on purpose! ;)

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson  says:
10 months ago

what a dear you are..very wise and sweet...Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...G-Ma :O)

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