Opposites Attract - Can Spenders and Savers Live in Money Harmony?

It is not always apparent, but when it comes to money and finance we usually attract someone who has the opposite spending behavior to ourselves; spenders attract savers and savers attract someone with the tendency to spend money.

An important part of understanding finance is understanding and celebrating your money personality and, if your share your life and personal money, that of your mate..

You are likely to fall into one of two main groups –

• the spender group
• or
• the saver group.

Of course the world is not quite that black and white but many of us fall naturally into one of the two groups. Sometimes, out of necessity we are forced to adopt the characteristics of the opposite group but that role doesn't come quite as easily as those who are born or trained in them.

The spender

You’ll easily recognize the spender. They are generous to a fault. Money quite literally burns a hole in their pocket.

At the restaurant, they’re the ones ordering the more expensive bottle of wine. They consider the item first and the price second.

They like money. They like to spend money. They’re the ones booking the next holiday without having the money in the bank. There’s no time for them to wait for the next new airline route offering cheap rates. They want gratification and they want it now!

The want the latest gadget and worry about paying for it later. Heck, they don’t worry about paying the debt, it just grows as they accumulate more and more things.

The Saver

The saver has no trouble saving. You can bet that if they in a relationship, they control the bank accounts - well as much as their spender partner will allow.

They use incentive bank accounts, not to monitor their goals so they keep on track but because they are savy and want the additional interest.

They can’t wait to save their money; check the accumulating bank and investment balances.

Savers are the first ones in your college group with a home and the first to announce the mortgages been paid off while you (if you’re a spender) are left to pick your jaw off the pavement in envy. 'How did you do it', you whisper reverently? They smile as if to keep it a secret. But its no secret. The saver simply prioritized saving and managed to live within their means, whilst squirreling away money every payday.

Their books are usually balanced. They take care of the details. There are no late payment fees on the savers accounts. The credit card, if it’s used at all, is paid in full before additional charges accrue. They are simply good with accumulating money.

The divorce lawyers often state money issues as being the cause of disharmony in marriage dissolution. The problem, though, is that we like having the opposites in our lives.

Can you imagine what life would be like for two savers living together? Where would the spontaneity come from? Although the accounts will always balance, they need spenders to lighten the situation up somewhat.

Likewise, how do you imagine two spenders will cope if they find themselves living under one roof? Who will ensure the telephone bill and rent or mortgage payments are made on time. No, they will be too busy out spending and socializing to bother with getting the detail sorted.

The truth is that we need each other to balance out our lives. The trick is to find a way to live with and celebrate our differences.

Somehow, the spender needs to accept the very important role of the saver. The saver needs to learn not to nag the spender for spending. Its in his or hers nature.

The problem comes when there is no money for those inevitable but sometimes unexpected bills or for a retirement in the future.

One of the best tips is for the saver to relinquish control of the money. Yes – hand over the reins to the spender.  Now that might seem like a radical suggestion but it just might work.

If the spender has to find the money to put food on the table and keep the roof over your heads then they might just learn about how difficult it is to juggle everything and they may learn some new ways and curb some of their frivolous ways.

Savers, if you are thinking about trying this, you might want to put a time limit on this - even mentally.

I'm sure they can live in harmony when it comes to money but I also think its inevitable that we will continue to attract someone to compensate for what we lack.  

I'm also not convinced that if you're a saver you'll want to live with another saver.  But then I might be biased because deep down I'm a bit of a spender!

What's most important is to find ways to accept and celebrate the differences in each other.

There are some excellent books on the subject of money and relationships and below are some ideas. There's also an easy to use personal budgeting software option above as well.

Good luck with the changes. Let me know how you get on.

We often don't talk about money. Doing so can be very cathartic. There is more information in this article called Let's Talk About Money.

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