People Say the Funniest Things

People say the funniest things…who else is going to say them? People also do the funniest things. If you’re an average Joe caught in an embarrassing blooper, it’s not the end of the world. Folks will soon forget. However, for the famous, public blunders and Freudian slips go down in the annals of history never to be forgotten.

Who can forget these immortal words of wisdom uttered by actress Brooke Shields, surprisingly, not a blonde. “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”

There are countless Faux pas and pearls of wisdom which have fallen from the lips of the famous as well as important personages, for example, the Clinton’s. The former Prez sez “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” And the Missus, not to be outdone, indignantly quips, “I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president!”

Many, just plain stupid remarks come from politicians or those who wannabe one. Here’s a gem from a Texas Congressional Candidate. “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”

With quick-witted politicians like this, is it any wonder our country is near bankruptcy? Here’s one who is making a concerted effort. Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) who said "They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits."

And then there’s everybody’s favorite, Dan Quayle, who misspelled “Potato” in front of a nation. This is the same guy who also said “I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix” and "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." And the list goes on with yet another. "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's history.... We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

However, not everything celebrities say are mindless blunders. Some are quite funny as well as hold a grain of truth. Jerry Garcia, of the Grateful Dead rock group remarked,"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." Maybe somebody should introduce him to Dan Quayle…oh, Jerry passed away in 1995.

Some of the greatest minds in history have also had a great sense of humor. Albert Einstein is known to gotten off a few good ones now and then. He summarized his philosophy like this: "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not too sure about the universe." He also said: "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax." And perhaps his most famous utterance was “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

Moving on we have the world of advertising where marketing brain trusts spend untold hours and money formulating new campaigns. It seems foreign marketing strategies are where most mistakes are made. For example, Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, came up with this shining example in an American campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”

However, this paled in comparison to the genius’s who tried selling baby food in Africa. The American based baby food giant Gerber used the same packaging as they did in the US. What they failed to recognize was, in Africa, companies put label pictures of what the package contains, since many can't read.

In Germany, Clairol introduced a new curling iron called the "Mist Stick." However, in German "mist" is slang for manure. Needless to say, it didn’t go over too well. Coors ran into a similar problem when it used its’ slogan "Turn it loose," in Spain where it was translated as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Other mistranslations would include the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation." In Taiwan, it reads "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead." Also in Chinese, "finger-lickin' good," Kentucky Fried Chicken’s slogan, means "eat your fingers off."

The Ford Motor Company goofed in Brazil with their Pinto model. In Brazilian slang, “Pinto” is translated "tiny male genitals.” They quickly renamed it “Corcel,” meaning horse.

But not all things people say or write are dumb, some are just plain funny. Perhaps they’re humorous because they contain an element of truth. Oscar Wilde, noted author, comes to mind who once said “It’s better to be beautiful than to be good, but it’s better to be good than to be ugly.” And “I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.”

In parting, it should be pointed out, instead of searching for intelligent life in the vast expanses of the universe, maybe we should first look on our own planet.