Designer Flats From Jimmy Choo

Heels are grand, but they're not great for every occasion, and sometimes they can even be a health hazard. Flat shoes on the other hand, will very rarely get themselves stuck in subway gratings or cattle stops (depending on where you live). Some people believe that a flat shoe isn't as sexy as a high heel, but I'll tell you right now, there's nothing less sexy than a broken ankle. For those days when you want to look feminine, yet still be able to move faster and with more assurdeness than an escargot, there is the flat shoe. The flat shoe from Jimmy Choo.

The Watson patent leather shoe is shiny and elegant, easy to slip on and off. It's also dark red, which I approve of, red being a very dramatic color linked to passion and or warfare. Wearing a pair of these shoes is like wearing a very refined battle on your feet.

This flat satin sandal is ornamented with Swarovsky crystals, making it glamorous, and also practical for those time when one might need to make a quick escape. You'll need to get a pedicure if you're going to be stepping out in these fine sandals, these sweethearts deserve only the best. (Shoes are people too, pretty people.)

Continuing the detective theme (Jimmy Choo knows that those wearing flat shoes are sure to be solving crimes in their spare time), the Morse flat shoe boasts a large buckle across the front of the toe, making these a perfect pair of shoes for any piratical ensemble. Alternatively, they are also well suited to corporate environments where a certain feminine dominance is required. If anybody gives you any trouble at the office you can point down at your shoe and show them that you lodged your foot so far up the backside of the last guy to give you trouble that you came back with his belt buckle on your shoe.

If I'm anything, I'm honest. Which means that I can honestly say that these shoes look like someone took a designer pair of shoes and attacked them with one of those DIY sparkle machines. You know the ones, the ones that let you embroider the American flag on the back of a denim jacket. If you happen to own such a jacket, or you happen to be a big fan of stars, then these shoes would look swell on your feet. Really.