I like glitter and sparkly dresses.
But I'm not gonna talk about that in my monologue.

I like baking and things that smell like winter.
But I'm not gonna talk about that in my monologue.

La la la. La la la.

I like writing songs about douchebags who cheat on me.
But I'm not gonna say that in my monologue.

I like writing their names in songs so they're ashamed to go in public.
But I'm not gonna say that in my monologue.

La la. La la la la la. This is my musical monologue.

You might think I'd bring up Joe, that guy who broke up with me on the phone.
But I'm not gonna mention him, in my monologue.
Hey Joe, I'm doing real well! Tonight I'm hosting 'SNL.'
But I'm gonna brag about that in my monologue.

La la la. Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. La la la.

And if you're wondering if I might be dating the werewolf from 'Twilight.'
[She stopped to mouth "Hi Taylor," then blew him a kiss.]
I'm not gonna comment on that in my monologue.

La la. La la la la la. This is my musical monologue.

You might be expecting me to say something bad about Kanye
and how he ran up on the stage and ruined my VMA monologue.
But there's nothing more to say cuz everything's OK.
I've got security lining the stage.

It's my 'SNL' monologue.
La la. La la la la la. This is my 'SNL' monologue.
La la. La la la la la. That was my 'SNL' monologue.