Blindsided by Ageism: Being Fifty
59I have reached the age where it doesn't matter.
What age is that? Frankly, it's none of your business.People who worry about age will tell you, "Age is how you feel." Yeah, right.People who are older than they want to be say, "Age is a state of mind." Yeah, right.Age is age. It's an objective chronological, factual statistic. So what? My family birth order gave me an advantage. I was the baby of a bunch of girl cousins. Some years ago, attending a family wedding, one of my "elderly" 40-ish cousins asked me how it felt to always be the "baby." I said with a hint of "last laughter," "Sometimes it wasn't so great. But now . . . It's All Right!" My mom and dad always looked younger than their contemporaries, so I never thought about aging much until I hit 50. Fifty is a very "fat" number, and though I was still doing the same things I did at 49, it seemed for the first time -- different.
Shortly after that anniversary, somehow disfigured by the phrases "half century," "golden anniversary" and the ever popular "over the hill," I was working as a substitute teacher in a special-education class. I had been there a few times before, and was acquainted with the kids in the group.
We sat in a circle on the floor, trading jokes and riddles(technically: an orderly, educational, verbal, sharing,cooperative exchange exercise.)One of them asked me how old I was. In a moment of vulnerability I blurted "Fifty." They immediately laughed and rocked back and forth as if I were continuing the jokes and riddles. Though greatly flattered and encouraged, somehow I felt obliged to insist on the facts. "I'm Fifty," I repeated somewhat desperately, though I could hardly believe it myself. They remained unconvinced, so I asked them how old they thought I was (expecting, maybe, 90). The general consensus was "about thirty-five," which I accepted with glee, laughter and my own rocking back and forth. When I have related this story to acquaintances, they have regarded it with some suspicion -- until I revealed that this was the "visually impaired" class, most of them very bright -- but totally blind -- children.It certainly would have been a major compliment to have been judged 15 years younger by a sighted class (no way!), but pondering the experience, I realized that it was more of a compliment to have been judged not by my appearance -- but by my attitude and interaction. I could sit on the floor and laugh at silly jokes with them, and it made me younger. Perhaps we all taught each other something about perception. I once had someone tell me that I probably got along well with children because I never grew up. I don't think it was meant as a compliment at the time, but I have learned to take it as such, because it is partly true. I hope it always will be.PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
Me too-- I didn't say when these things happened did I ? (I know I am at least five years older than you.)
Every "zero" birthday is the BIG ONE, then the next morning you wake up and all your parts still work, and you aren't in a Home, so you get dressed and go off to work as usual, amazed that nobody says "Gawwwwd, you look ancient!", and life goes on.
People I know far younger than myself who just creak around like they're 90 infuriate me. Refuse to DO anything. "Why bother?" they say. "Won't be around much longer anyway". Then there's my 80-something cousin who's always going places and still doing most of the things he did in his 40's. So age IS a state of mind.
I actually agree with that.
As one who passed this milestone a couple of years ago, and can TOTALLY relate, I tend to believe those fitness commercials that I've heard: "70 is the new 50, and 50 is the new 30!"
To add insult to injury, my oldest daughter had the audacity to recently make me a grandma!
Seriously, if I knew then what I know now.....;)
Ah Pam, Grandparenthood is the best! Congratulations! Lots of good things are still to come for you.
Cute hub Rochelle:) I (three years ago) hit the big 3-0 and thought my life was over. Not literally..lol..but then I had another baby at 32, that really made me feel old. But truthfully, starting at age 28 I began to set myself on "crisis mode" and never got out of it until 32...I did that to myself mostly, but aging can be difficult. Especially at the decade milestones, for some reason we negate the years in between and focus on what we'll do in the next decade. But that does seem to work for most of us, doesn't it? lol..Some may struggle for a bit around the decade turn, but I think each time we hit one, we grow.
Great hub:)
MissJamieD. I don't know how you found this, it has been buried for a long time. Thanks for digging it up again.
lol...I wanted to read some of your stuff, it's on your profile page:) Nice to see you again!
This is a gem, Rochelle! I totally agree with you. Fifty is a very round number. And it is very different from 49 (or 40 "something" which covers a whole lot of territory). there is no 50 "something" counterpart, is there?
Loved the surprise that your class was judging you by your actions and attitude rather than your appearance. That is LOVELY!
Thanks, MM. It greatly encouraged me. (I'll have to say that those kids were very perceptive.)
i´m 50 and feel so fine sometimes i think you're all joking... what's about being 50? much better than been 20 or 30: no kids, much more dignity than vanity, more piece and quite than before, more experience. is there anybody feeling the way i do?
Yes, I feel the same way . . . and this incident happened a loooong time ago. Thanks for your comment. "Piece and quite"-- that's cute.
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DonnaCSmith says:
17 months ago
Fifty seems young to me;o)