The Electronic Insect Zapper and I

I have a pretty good reputation here as a writer...so what I'm about to share with you may shock and dismay you. To be transparent though, (don't you just love that word!) - all of you deserve to know the real truth about me.

I'm a fly killer....Or at least a wannabe fly killer...

It's true.

This week I became a cold blooded murderer - and my accomplice in crime is the Electronic Insect Bug Zapper.

Many previously winged creatures have met their demise this week because they were zapped right out of the sky - residing in insect heaven where they will never lose their wings again..

Please forgive me but the bug zapper did it!!

So yeah I'm a certified fly killer and honestly, I have no remorse. For some reason we have had a particularly bad season of flies, yellow jackets, snails and spiders. In desperation, we went out a couple weeks ago and bought almost $50.00 worth the pest control, 2 electronic insect zappers included (I think my husband bought the bug zappers more to amuse me more than anything) For me though I saw a guaranteed way to take the pesky creatures right out of the sky - ZAP!

My husband was a little surprised when we got home and the first thing I did was tear open the package to the electronic bug zapper. He gingerly took the bug zapper out and armed it with 2 D batteries. As I stared wondrously at the design of the bug zapper, I thought who could go wrong with a bug zapper in the shape of a tennis racket? It occurred to me that I could kill 2 or 3 birds (or flies I should say), with one stone:

1) get rid of the stupid flies in my backyard

2) exercise at the same time

3) take out my fly aggressions in a healthy way (hey I'd just about had it with these stupid flies, OK?)

So I carefully read the instructions of my new "lethal fly weapon" - and prepared for battle with little flies dancing in my head. (My husband had a slightly worried look on his face... I think he was a little concerned at my zeal to use this electronic weapon) After threatening to zap me with the bug zapper, he finally handed it over and out I went

So to tell the whole story I have to admit that my husband had actually sneakingly bought a bug zapper for himself also (he had decided that this would be great sport for us in the yard - some real bonding time I suppose) So out comes electronic bug zapper number 2 and my husband and I proceed to the backyard...

You know those times in life when you wish you'd had a camera to take pictures but missed it...but you still have the picture of what happened vividly in your head?

Well here is the visual that I won't forget...My hubby and I laughing while swatting away at the air under the porch. We must have looked like two complete idiots complete with our little electronic tennis racket shaped bug zappers in hand. The crazy thing was though that the electronic bug zappers behaved NOTHING like we had expected. Honestly we had expected some loud zaps and sizzles (God forgive me for that) but instead all we got was a bunch of stunned flies laying on the ground in various throes of paralysis.We managed to get a few loud pops and zaps - but overall we were very let down by the ineffectiveness of our electronic insect bug zappers. No real zap here to speak of... I think the flies must have been laughing their butts off at us!

In total fairness to the big zapper, I even tried it again this morning.

I had a yellow jacket literally pinned to the ground and he DID NOT DIE.

If anything I just really pissed him off (I thought for sure this bug zapper would work on the bigger insects)

No once again.

Apparently the insect/fly/yellow-jacket/hornet has to be hit in just exactly the right spot to catch the "grid". And yeah BTW the packaging said not to let anyone under 8 use the bug zapper- who the H'''L is going to let a 9 year old use a bug zapper anyway?? geez....

So in conclusion these tennis racket electronic bug zappers are going back to the store (No wonder they were on clearance for $2.99) This particular electronic bug zapper was a bug bust...and a waste of time and money. I'm sure there are more effective bug zappers out there but don't waste your money on this one. You'll be disappointed!

UPDATE: I have decided to keep the bug zappers. My 29 year old son had too much fun with it this morning. For some reason he seems to be quite good and agile at zapping the little pests. Plus we had some good laughs out of it so for novelty reasons alone they will stay.

(Dorsi Diaz is a freelance writer and publisher - for more about electronic equipment be sure to check out her next hub on how her husband "tested" out his stun gun...no kidding)