What to Do When the Internet Is Down
Ten Tips
1. Don't panic! You just have to revert to earlier behavior you exhibited at some point in the 90's. Just breathe; the crisis will be averted soon.
2. Take a nap. Now is the perfect time to catch up on some sleep after staying up way too late on your computer or wireless device. You just HAD to post one more tweet. 'One more stumble on Stumbleupon,' you said. MUST CHECK MY FACEBOOK! Instead, you should relax so you can have another Internet binge session later.
3. Read! Yes, a real book, newspaper, or magazine; not an ebook. Don't worry, you won't strain a muscle turning the pages even though you're out of practice.
4. It's time to move. That leg that's been asleep for a week? Wiggle it around so you will actually have some circulation. Do a silly dance to some music (yes, from an actual radio or, ok, an iPod). Take a walk down the road and turn around. Just put one foot in front of the other. Breathe in; ah, fresh air! You haven't experienced that in awhile. Embrace contact with nature and the physical world.
5. Call some friends to come over and hang out. Have a board game night with actual dice. What? I have to roll the dice manually? Yes, yes you do. Talk to some real live people and touch them. Poke them if you must, but touch them. It feels good, doesn't it?
6. Get out that camera and take some silly pictures of yourself or your friends. Facebook profile pics? Ok, if you must, but right now just have fun with your camera. Makeover head shots; why not? Super action, jumping up and down screaming pics? Sure. You can photoshop them later; no Internet required.
7. No Youtube or Hulu? Time to watch your entertainment the old-fashioned way: TV. I challenge you to get even more 'retro': throw out your remote control and change the channels manually. Oh the horror! No, really; it will be a great workout for you.
8. Write in a journal. This is usually in a notebook with real paper in it. Don't worry; you can transfer this to your blog later.
9. Learn how to surf! Instead of using how to videos on Youtube, you can hire a real live instructor. Just think how post-worthy this sounds: 'I caught some gnarly waves when I went surfing today!' as opposed to 'Um, yeah, I went Internet surfing today.'
10. LOL: Seriously, I want you to laugh out loud. Ask someone to tell you a funny joke. Make funny faces at yourself in the mirror. Laugh, smile, and enjoy life. The Internet and virtual reality will be back soon. Enjoy your real life right now.
