What Parents Need to Know About Cutting
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Self-Injury Basics
Cutting, also known as self-injury or self-mutilation is the practice of manipulating a mood or emotional state by inflicting physical harm on a person's own body. Many people who do this will cut themselves, but they may also burn, scratch, bite, or hit themselves - particularly banging the head. It's a form of communicating feelings the person cannot express and it is distinctly different from self inflicted pain derived from sexual acts or spiritual ritual. It is not associated with body piercing or tattooing.
It's important to note that self-injury is rarely life threatening. However, because of the revulsion many people feel about it, some health care providers have an appropriate response. That said, it doesn't matter how severe or minor the physical injuries are. It's what's going on inside that matters.
What is the Payoff of Cutting?
Self-injury releases tension - both physiological and psychological - very quickly. A person who cuts can turn a state of overwhelm into a state of relative calm almost immediately. Cutting reduces panic to simply feeling bad.
It is a destructive coping skill like many others in our society - drinking, anorexia, or working too much. It does not mean the person is crazy, or that they are attempting suicide. In fact, the self-injury may relieve tension to the point that the person no longer considers suicide.
Why Do Kids Cut Themselves?
One common denominator in kids who cut themselves is an inability to express their feelings. They either never learned how to do it or were invalidated when they tried. They have gotten the idea, possibly from an abusive home life though not always, that certain feelings are wrong and not to be articulated. They may have not had a role model for coping with troubling situations in a healthy way.
Cutting also gives the child a great sense of control. Some kids do it as a form of self-punishment, but this isn't always the case. Many cutters use it to express feelings that there are no words for.
Some kids are predisposed toward this kind of behavior and it may take very little to set it off. Serotonin may be involved in making some kids more aggressive and impulsive than others, therefore more likely to self-mutilate. Once a kid tries the behavior and realizes the immense stress relief it provides, it may seem like a good idea for the next time the child is under stress.
Cutting is not done, as frequently believed, to "fit in" or to garner attention. Many teens will go to great lengths to hide the effects of the behavior in an attempt to avoid adding shame to their already fragile mental state.
Help For Kids Who Cut
Although parents may not be able to prevent cutting, maintaining open communication should always be a goal. Parents should make sure they're not the ones doing all the talking and be careful not to try to solve all the child's problems. Sometimes parents just need to listen so that children know it's okay to speak the things that weigh on their hearts.
Like with other addictions, a kid cannot be forced not to cut himself. He needs to be ready to accept help and do the work it takes to change the behavior. Do not issue ultimatums or punish the self-destructive behavior. Threatening to hospitalize or institutionalize a self-injurer can make feelings of lack of control and overwhelm even worse.
Once the child is ready to stop, there are many therapeutic techniques employed by mental health professionals to help him. It's best to consult a professional with specific experience working with kids who self-mutilate. There may be underlying serious mental conditions that need to be diagnosed.
This is a serious matter and not just a fad. If you suspect your child is cutting, seek help right away. And as with all things teenager - keep up the conversation as much as you can to try and prevent this tragic behavior.
One Girl's Experience:
http://www.lompocrecord.com/articles/2005/01/13/news/news11.txt
Treatment Centers:
Comprehensive Resources:
http://www.focusas.com/SelfInjury.html
Read more from Lela at http://www.leladavidson.com/
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Thank you Kristen. It's frightening what we're up against.~Lela
One thing I think keeps people from truly understanding why someone would cut is that we do not often speak of it as an addiction, which it can become. Cutting actually releases endorphins in the brain, and for a depressed teen (or adult), this boost is enough to prompt repeated self-injury.
Hello..This article is very helpful to all parents....Parenting is very inportant...
I just discovered my 14 almost 15 year old son has experimented with cutting. Once about a month ago and once last night. I am terrified. My son and I talked, he cried, I felt like my heart had been stabbed repeatedly. He is my world!!!!! He took down two hotline numbers and put them into his cell phone. He is very apprehensive about talking to anyone face to face but is more than willing to use the hotline.
Lost, frightened, and heartbroken,
Michelle
As a cutter, this article basically sucks.
This gives no info on what I would like my mom to do if she found out.
If anyone really wants to know about what to do if your kid is cutting, please email me, and don't read this stupid article.
careyjonz95@gmail.com
careyXcarnage, I'd like to know. I would encourage you to post your thoughts here so that all the parents that read this will know how to help.
As a former cutter, I would have to agree with careyXcarnage.
Not everyone cuts because they cannot express their feelings. In fact, I have known quite a few others and all of us had different reasons.
I'm glad you pointed out that cutting is not done in order to in order to fit in or get attention. On that matter though, I would like to point out that cutters do put a lot of effort into hiding it. I hid it from all but my very best friends (we tell each other everything) and swore them to secrecy. The last thing I would've wanted would've been for everyone to know. This has been my experience with friends who used to cut as well. I would strongly question anyone who still cuts and has no problems exposing it to the world. If your child behaves this way than I would not be surprised if she is doing it for attention. While getting help is always advisable, if this is the case I would recommend it even more adamantly. Going to such extremes merely for attention is, in my opinion, an even more serious issue. Not to mention it gives legitmate cutters a bad name.
Unless your child actually comes directly to you to discuss their cutting or otherwise makes it clear they wish to I would'nt urge them to talk to you about it. She should talk to someone about it, preferably a person who is qualified to deal with it. That person just doesn't need to be you. If the child started cutting because she felt like she couldn't express her feelings it seems ludicrous to think that same child is suddenly going to be comfortable discussing what could be a more difficult and uncomfortable issue with you. Also if your child seems uncomfortable with the idea of discussing this with anyone I wouldn't overly pressure her. Forcing her to deal with it before she's ready will only make it more difficult when she is and chances are she'll resent you for it later. I would still monitor the situation just to be sure things aren't getting out of control. Also make sure your child knows that if and when she is ready you're there for her and will get her outside help if that is what she wants or needs.
If your child cuts, I would strongly encourage you personally to go speak to a specialist and see what her advice is given your specific circumstances. Every situation is different and all I or any other cutter/former cutter can give you is general information based on our own experiences.
Yatesheika, I can't thank you enough for your comment. This is a very difficult behavior for many of us to understand and we can use all the help we can get. I really appreciate you taking the time to shed more light on this. And I'm glad you have 'recovered' - if that's the right terminology. Thank you.
WOW... this is so informative. My neice has been cutting for over a year now and i had no idea all that was behind it. This will help so much in understanding where she is at in life. Thank-you
Very informative article. I just wrote a hub on the topic myself! Keep up the great work.
Hi Lela,
I am a mother of a 15 year old daughter. She used to cut when she was going through her 8th grade year. Luckily, she only experimented with it and doesn't have any really bad scars. I ended taking her to talk to a professional as she didn't want to tell me about anything. She is now over that part in her life and is doing much better. The best thing I could do for her was listen to her.
Kristen says:
3 years ago
As a mother of a teenager, I really appreciate this article. I did know about cutting but not the why's and what to do about it. Teenagers are a strange phenomenon and it is important for us parents to keep up on what kids are doing to themselves.