Why Won't Men Dance?

A friend and I had a good laugh the other day when we compared notes about this strange and quite laughable phenomenon - men that won’t dance.

I first became aware of this in my late teens and early 20’s when I would go to weddings and find 85-90 percent of the women dancing...with each other - while their men folk sat. The women were up dancing hard, dancing with each other, or dancing alone...they came to dance.

Yes, I know there are men who will dance but they fit into just a few categories, which are not always pleasant.

Men that will dance are:

- generally between the ages of 19-25ish and single

- drunk

- cannot dance at all - and I mean no kind of dance and never could dance

- men of any age who are on a new date (who will do anything)

- men with incredibly large stomachs

- school vice principals

- men born under the sign of Pisces (sometimes Leo)

- foreign men

Why will these men dance? I think I have found answers.

- Almost any single man between 19-25 will dance. I have figured out why in a pseudo-scientific way. The ages between 19-25 are mating years for most men. And so dancing during this 6 year mating season is exactly that - mating dances. After settling down with these men they have no reason to keep dancing - and they won’t.

- Drunks will do anything which is not necessarily good. They think they are dancing but they are not. If your guy hasn't danced in years and is suddenly up dancing he may be drunk so be sure to be the one to drive home.

- Those that can't dance are like those that can't sing but will - they are clueless.

- You can always tell when a guy is trying to attract someone's attention. No matter the age - he will get up and dance...do his mating dance.

- Men with big stomachs can't really dance, they only want to do the slow dances so they can press their large guts against you. I made this mistake once being so surprised that a man over 25 was on the dance floor. I paid for this mistake as I can still feel the man's stomach more than two decades later.

- School vice principals will dance and I say this only because I have been in school settings and these men, no matter the age, but usually closer to 50 years of age have asked me to dance...and they have been quite good. It is an old fashioned style of dance but still they were good at what they did. The principal, however, does not dance - it's not his job.

- Pisces is the sign that covers the foot and I have never met a Pisces man that did not like to dance. It doesn't necessarily mean they are good at it but you can take them to a dance and have a partner.

- Foreign men are usually game about dancing when in NYC. There is a problem however - they tend to dance to the music of their own country...no matter what music is playing.

Why should women care if their men won’t dance? Well, because there are situations where a built-in dance partner would be a nice thing to have - such as at:

- Weddings/office parties/Xmas parties/divorce parties/birthday parties/on a cruise ship/at an after hours joint/in random bars and night clubs, etc. Dancing is also one of the best forms of exercise - it burns the calories and keeps you limber. Is this one reason why women live longer?

Note: This is why a good DJ is absolutely worth his/her price at a wedding. S/he knows that the men are not going to dance (unless between 19-25) so dances like the electric slide* are a must, as well as fast dances, and just doing a jump up. The slow dance is usually dedicated to the bride and groom (and will most likely be his last dance).

So what should women do if they want to go out and dance the night away?

We can do the following:

- We can just go out and dance. Many of my young friends get all glamorous, put on the dancing shoes and just go and dance. There will be plenty of men there between 19-25 who will be dancing, and unlike women who can dance with each other, men just can’t bring themselves to dance with each other. Fine - so if you want a male partner they will be there. I used to go out on a Friday after work with women friends and we'd just get on the dance floor. Even in my late 30's and 40s men in their early 20's would ask me to dance.

- We can invite some guy between 19-25 and take him out for an innocent evening of dance and good clean fun. I'm sure your non-dancing, mated guy will be understanding when you drive off with Young Virile Sweaty Carlo, or Raheem - the Best Looking Guy on Earth.

- We can join gyms where we can get our dance on. Dance has become part of many exercise routines. At various gyms I have done exercises that incorporated belly dancing, salsa, and African dance.

- We can get our guy(s) drunk and take him out to dance - he will embarrass you but he will dance.

*Minimally, all guys should know how to do the electric slide so they can be a proper escort at weddings. On youtube there is a woman doing the electric slide at work (see link below - 11/27/11 - alas that link has been taken down - you know copyrights, etc, so I just deleted it). If a man does just this one dance at least once at a wedding he will earn (near) hero status, especially if he sweats a lot.

Have fun my dancing sisters!