Are Women Dumb?

Oh, heavens yes! If you thought to wonder this, you must admit that part of you already knew it to be true. Women are dumb. Incredibly dumb. Miraculously dumb. Stunningly dumb.

Am I biased? No, of course not. A woman, yes. Dumb, yes. But certainly not biased.

The stupidity of women is an irrefutable truth I have always held close. After all, female stupidity is adorable! Women wear it well! Those that pretend to be anything aside from dumb are dreadfully dull.

Though some argue that women are intelligent creatures, you and I both know this is a farce. Nevertheless, to address the sadly misled sticklers that remain, let us peruse some of the irrefutable evidence of ubiquitous female stupidity.

Obviously there is neither sufficient time nor space to discuss the issue in its entirety, so we shall, for the sake of simplicity, address the Alien Argument, the Power Issue, and Chatty Cathy Complications, and know, both in our hearts and minds, that additional evidence abounds.

Let us take a little field trip to the cinematic world and watch one of the most famous scenes of modern cinema. You know the one I'm talking about. Watch it.

Now, how does this scene make you feel? Which character would YOU like to be? Would you like to be Warrant Officer Ripley, so that you might survive and kick some tush? Maybe.

What if I asked you if you would like to be Hurt (the guy on the table). Does harboring another organism in your abdominal region sound fun? And how does the prospect of having said organism exit your abdominal region as you scream and writhe in excruciating pain sound?

As you are, no doubt, a reasonable person, chances are you are not so keen on putting yourself in Hurt's shoes.

Ah, but if you are a woman, chances are you have dreamed of doing just this all your life! And the organism YOU hope/hoped to harbor does not even leave you alone after painfully vacating your body. Nope. Instead it hangs around, leeching off your personal funds, taking your time, taunting you, mocking you, and defying you for years.

Well, that's dumb.

If women are so smart, why is the world run by men? Go on. Think about it. If you can.

Women have never really been in a position of power. They're too darned dumb for it! One could argue that women have been kept in subservient roles by men for many years, and that might very well be true. But guess what smart people do when they're oppressed by tyranny. They fight back. They rebel. Women may have grumbled a bit, and some of them might see more equality now, but it took them a reeeeeeally long time. And what do women do once they actually get equality? They start high power careers, then drop them because they decide to have kids. Double dumb (see: Alien argument).

One could also argue that there have been amazing, powerful female leaders. That such women have been in powerful positions for ages. One might point to figures like Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth I of England, and Margaret Thatcher. Oh, sure, they were powerful, but they totally weren't women. It was all an act. A machiavellian way of catching their enemies off guard. Trust me on this. All powerful female leaders were dudes in disguise.

And never mind that women have been running things behind the scenes since the dawn of time. This is not the information you are looking for. Move along.

On the whole, women are known for being stronger consensus builders and communicators. They have a reputation for generally higher emotional intelligence and sensitivity.

What is emotional intelligence, you ask? It is the corporate world's way of making women feel better about lacking real IQ. "Sure!!" they say, "You're emotionally smart" (snicker snicker snicker).

Does this emotional intelligence amount to? A whole lot of feelings and talking. Looooots and lots of talking. While men are busy building and subsequently royally screwing entire empires, their dumb female counterparts can do no more than to busy themselves with conversation.

Never mind that understanding social dynamics and subtle changes in facial expressions, tone, and body language requires extreme skill. If women were smart enough to do something useful, they would stop talking the talk and start walking the walk. But they're just too dumb for that.

If the previous arguments were not enough to provide sufficient preliminary evidence of female stupidity, consider these obvious weaknesses:

• Women have to sit down to pee - howdumb is that???
• Women like chick flicks - Anyone who has been subjected to one is only too aware that they were designed for drooling morons.
• Women insist on wearing ridiculous high-heeled shoes (never mind that men were the first to wear them).
• Women wear makeup - They're so dumb, they don't even realize their faces are already visible!
• Women are obsessed with weight loss - Only an extremely dumb person will say no to delicious food despite access and desire.
• Women care about fashion - If they were smart, they'd care about explosives. Or space travel. But mostly explosives.
• Women often pretend to be dumber than they are - Yep. They're so dumb, they don't even realize that they're already acting stupid enough.

Siiigh.... I could go on and on. Remember, I am an insider expert.

These are only some of the thousands of reasons why women are dumb. Volumes of books cannot sufficiently chronicle their stupidity. Libraries cannot contain the abundant evidence. Even the internet as we know it would snap like a twig under the weight of the sheer mass of evidence proving the ignorance of women. Maybe, just maybe, a matrioshka brain could handle it. But that remains to be tested.

The simple answer to your query is: YES. Women are dumb. But not nearly as dumb as men.