Pizza with the Works

WARNING: This hub is not a recipe. It is a joke. A prank. A short story containing crude themes. Not for the light-hearted. Not to be taken seriously. Do not attempt to recreate any of the scenes portrayed in this short story. The stunts in this hub were performed by professionals.

A big grin came over Mick’s face as the cars started pulling up in front of his next door neighbours house. An assortment of guys and good looking girls spilled out and made their way up the path. A few of the guys carried cartons of beer. Mick looked on with envy. They were a real cool bunch of people and he wished he was just like them.

“Nah, things are gonna change,” Mick said to himself, as made his way up to the front door. The new neighbour had only been there for a couple of months but so far he had turned down all Mick’s offers of friendship.

He knocked on the door and his neighbour Brad answered. “What’s up?” he asked.

“I wasn’t doing nothing and I thought I’d come over and check out the party.”

“Har! You hear that guys! He reckons he wants to join our party.” The room full of people behind him broke out into riotous laughter. “Piss off I don’t wanna know you.”

“What are you having to eat? I’m a great BBQ cook! I’ll even clean up afterwards,” pleaded Mick, desperate to be friendly.

“No we’re having pizza and we don’t want a nerd like you hanging around.”

“I’ll shout pizza if you like,” begged Mick.

“Which part of NO didn’t you understand pipsqueak?” and with that he grabbed Mick by the scruff and threw him out onto the front lawn.

Mick dragged himself home. He tried not to let situations like this get him down but it happened so often he began to wonder if he’d ever be friends with anyone. Then something snapped in his mind. Feeling sick of all the rejection he went to the fridge and started pulling out some ingredients: frozen pizza bases, tomato paste and cheese. An evil grin stretched across his face as he snarled, ‘No more Mr Nice Guy.”…

The pizza delivery pulled up and Mick ran up to him before he even get out of the car. He handed the driver a fifty and told him to keep the change. He took the four hot pizzas to his house and into the kitchen before anybody from the next door had seen what had happened. For a skinny guy Mick could eat a lot. But four pizzas was stretching it. It would make him feel sick to be that much of a pig. He began munching away…

Almost an hour had passed since the party had ordered the four family sized pizzas. Brad was about to get on the phone and yell abuse at the pizza shop when there was a knock at the front door. “They better give us those pizzas for free or else there’ll be trouble,” growled Brad as he went for the door.

He opened it and was about to give the delivery guy an earful but no one was there. Only four pizzas sat in their boxes in front of the door. “Bloody lucky he took off without expecting payment,” growled Brad.

When the pizzas were opened up Brad got really pissed. They had ordered a meat lovers, peperoni, Hawaiian, and a seafood but what they were delivered looked like four supremes.

“Don’t worry about it,” said one of the others, “I’m so hungry all I wanna do is eat.”

They munched down the pizzas like a pack of ravenous wolves.

“That sure tasted good,’ smiled Brad after he had his fill of pizza, “not bad for a freebie.”

Then the phone rang. “How’d you like the pizza?” said the voice on the other end.

“It was good,” replied Brad thinking it was the pizza shop ringing to apologise for the delay. “Have you been busy tonight? It took ages for it to arrive?”

“It’s me, Mick!” said the voice, “I hoped you liked it, it was my shout.”

Brad was perplexed, the little guy from next door was so eager to please he thought he probably shouldn’t be so hard on him. “There’s only a couple of bits left,” said Brad, “Perhaps you might want to come over and eat them?”

“No, I couldn’t possibly have another slice. I just ate four pizzas. It made me feel sick. In fact I was sick. Did you know when you chew and spew up meat lovers, peperoni, Hawaiian, and seafood you end up getting something that’s looks a lot like a supreme!”

The pizza delivery pulled up and Mick ran up to him before he even get out of the car. He handed the driver a fifty and told him to keep the change. He took the four hot pizzas to his house and into the kitchen before anybody from the next door had seen what had happened. For a skinny guy Mick could eat a lot. But four pizzas was stretching it. It would make him feel sick to be that much of a pig. He began munching away…

Almost an hour had passed since the party had ordered the four family sized pizzas. Brad was about to get on the phone and yell abuse at the pizza shop when there was a knock at the front door. “They better give us those pizzas for free or else there’ll be trouble,” growled Brad as he went for the door.

He opened it and was about to give the delivery guy an earful but no one was there. Only four pizzas sat in their boxes in front of the door. “Bloody lucky he took off without expecting payment,” growled Brad.

When the pizzas were opened up Brad got really pissed. They had ordered a meat lovers, peperoni, Hawaiian, and a seafood but what they were delivered looked like four supremes.

“Don’t worry about it,” said one of the others, “I’m so hungry all I wanna do is eat.”

They munched down the pizzas like a pack of ravenous wolves.

“That sure tasted good,’ smiled Brad after he had his fill of pizza, “not bad for a freebie.”

Then the phone rang. “How’d you like the pizza?” said the voice on the other end.

“It was good,” replied Brad thinking it was the pizza shop ringing to apologise for the delay. “Have you been busy tonight? It took ages for it to arrive?”

“It’s me, Mick!” said the voice, “I hoped you liked it, it was my shout.”

Brad was perplexed, the little guy from next door was so eager to please he thought he probably shouldn’t be so hard on him. “There’s only a couple of bits left,” said Brad, “Perhaps you might want to come over and eat them?”

“No, I couldn’t possibly have another slice. I just ate four pizzas. It made me feel sick. In fact I was sick. Did you know when you chew and spew up meat lovers, peperoni, Hawaiian, and seafood you end up getting something that’s looks a lot like a supreme!”