How to Make a Real Zombie
88No, Seriously! I'm Going to Tell You How to Make a Real Zombie
Right about now, you're saying something along the lines of, "Yeah, right!" or "No way!". Yes way, I am going to tell you how to make a real zombie. I was going to say real live zombie but of course, that's silly. Zombies are only partially alive, that's why they're called the living dead or the undead.
Now, please rest assured that I am not writing this hub from personal experience. I have never personally or indirectly in any way resurrected the seemingly dead and turned them into my zombie slave. I mean sure, it sounds cool but I think they would smell bad. Very bad.
The information that I found for this hub came from places like ABC Science, Zombie Hub and a BBC Documentary. I'll link to the sites somewhere here so that you can check them out yourself.
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Table of Contents
3 Steps to Making Your Own Real Zombie
An Alternative Zombie Recipe
Don't Try This at Home, Kids
I can't believe I'm saying this but I've watched an episode or two of Criminal Minds and Cold Case Files, so I know there are some sickos out there.
Do not - I repeat - do not try any of the information in this hub! That's all we need! One of you tries it, then somebody else and before you know it, it's Invasion of the zombies. I don't want to be responsible.
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Excellent Zombie Site
- Zombology
Zombology is the study of zombies. This includes zombie facts, definitions, guides and other zombie resources .
Definition of a Zombie
If you've ever seen a horror movie involving zombies, you are probably already aware of what they are - neither alive or dead but can function on a basic level and are typically someone's evildoing slave.
Zombies can eat, hear, speak and move around, although they tend to be very slow moving. The zombie victim has no memories as they are erased at the time of their 'turning' and are also unaware of what or who they are. Sort of like a frat initiation hangover but with longer side effects.
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Origins of Zombies
Okay, now comes the serious stuff.
Zombies do exist (see proof). They come from the island of Haiti and are the result of a potent Voodoo spell, along with some daring. Where there is serious intent for turning someone into a zombie, the participation of a Voodoo priest and witch doctor are required to perform the spell correctly and safely.
The practise of using Voodoo is an old one and still practised openly in certain parts of the world.
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How to Make a Real Zombie
Proof of Zombie Existence
I was only able to find one documented case of a real zombie. Guess one is enough.
The Case of Clairvius Narcisse
Poor Clairvius Narcisse was an enslaved zombie from May 2, 1962 until the death of his owner in 1964. It was speculated that Clairvius became a zombie at the hands of his brothers, who were ticked that Clairvius would not sell his portion of their estate. So, they sold him to a zombie master, instead.
After the death of his master (known as a bokor), Clairvius was still locked in his zombie psychotic state and roamed Haiti for the following 16 years, until he happened to bump into his sister in the marketplace one day. Over the years, the drugs that Clairvius had been given dissipated from his system, allowing his human tendencies to start re-emerging. His short term memory had been erased but he was able to convince the girl of his identity, thanks to his early recollections of their childhood.
When this story broke in 1980, it intrigued Dr. Wade Davis, an ethnobiologist from Harvard. He made the trek to Haiti to research this story and investigate its validity. It is thanks to Dr. Wade that I am able to share with you this hub on how to make a real zombie. He discovered the steps, ingredients and people required for proper zombie making.
There are a couple of sites online that discuss this case as fact. However, according to Wikipedia, there is a cloud of doubt. But then, Wikipedia also makes a note that their entry may not be accurate, so I'll let you decide for yourself.
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Real Zombie Proof and Alternate Secret Zombie Recipe
3 Steps to Making Your Own Real Zombie
- Step #1 - Make your victim 'dead'
- Step #2 - Dig your victim up
- Step #3 - Make your victim mad
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I'll explain the steps in some detail but first, let's make sure you have all the ingredients on hand to whip up a real zombie.
Ingredients
- one victim (you can try multiples after you get good at it)
- a Voodoo priest and/or witch doctor
- toad skin
- powdered puffer fish
- datura, a.k.a. Jimsons Weed, Angel's Trumpet, Brugmanisa candida
Once you have everything at the ready, proceed to the instructions below.
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Recipe Instructions to Make Your Own Real Zombie
Step#1 - Make your victim 'dead'
Naturally, you can't make them really dead or this recipe will not work. *The Voodoo priest and witch doctor are interchangeable, use whichever you have on hand or have a preference for.
While now it is witch doctors who are most involved in the real zombie making process, it used to be that a Voodoo priest was the one who specially mixed the powdered toad skin and puffer fish. The priest was knowledgeable in the necessary ritual and in how much of the drug had to be used to do the trick without causing total death. He would then administer the drug to victims by either sneaking it into their food or rubbing it onto a soft, undamaged patch of skin, such as near the inside of an elbow or knee.
This concoction is very potent stuff. The toad skin alone is more powerful than cocaine. It is loaded with toxins and biogenic amines and could be a great pain killer if it didn't 'kill' you, first. This is the ingredient that drastically slows down breath and heartbeat until they are pretty much indiscernible.
Puffer fish are dangerous, as well. They are 160,000 times more potent than cocaine and contain a deadly neurotoxin. You don't want to play around with ingesting puffer fish, as it decreases body temperature and your blood pressure will plummet.
With these two ingredients administered, the zombie victim will slip into a type of coma or catatonia that makes them appear dead. Now, bury.
Luckily for bokors (zombie masters), bodies are buried as fast as possible in Haiti because of heat-induced quick decaying of flesh. This is excellent news if you are planning on making a real zombie because for this next part, time is of the essence!
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Step #2 - Dig your victim up
You need to get your real zombie-in-the-making out of the ground a.s.a.p. Zombies must be dug up within 8 hours in order to avoid asphyxiation. I can't stress how important this step is for producing a zombie you can be proud of.
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Step #3 - Make your victim mad - grrrr
Why it's necessary to make them mad, I don't know but it is. The way to do this is to force feed them a yummy datura paste, which will erase recent memories and separate the zombie's mind from reality. Your new, real zombie is now in a semi-permanent state of psychosis. If you notice it ever wearing off, just give another feeding and you'll be good to go again.
You can do it! (But please don't)
The first time you attempt this, it may seem a bit challenging but don't give up! Practice makes perfect and given enough time, it'll become old hat, easy peasy.
Enjoy and have fun making your very own real zombie!
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How to Make a Real Zombie
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Further Zombie Reading
- zombie taxonomy
Zombie taxonomy is the practice and science of zombie classification.
How to Make a Real Zombie Sources
- real zombies
real zombies are people who were manipulated by some kind of drug created by a voodoo priest and used as slave labor. - Zombie In Depth (ABC Science)
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How do you make your zombies? C'mon, let's swap recipes!
I know, what a tease, eh? Sorry about that, just don't want to live a real Night of the Living Dead. :)
Oh great. Now we're going to have the living dead running rampant through the forums! Thanks a lot, Shirley! On the other hand, I just might have some use for a few zombie henchmen... (insert creepy organ music here, accompanied by really really evil laughter)
Thanks for the recie!
My apologies, BT. Thought this might get you some help for Christmas and Easter. You know, your busy seasons. They don't move very fast but hey, they work for free.
I still think they'd smell bad.
If you had ever been to my bunker, you would know that bad smells don't bother me. Keep in mind that I share the bunker with two teenagers. I think zombies might be a welcome relief!
I saw the title and had to read it! Awesome hub Shirley - I'll be keeping my eyes peeled next month just in case somebody decides to ignore your warnings LOL.
BT - teenagers or zombies - tough call.
Thanks, Enelle. We'll have to be on our guard, now. :) I have to say that I was very surprised to actually find this info.
"The Serpent and The Rainbow" scared me enough.
No desire for my own walking dead.
Though if you saw me before coffee....LOL
it's very hard not to get into provocative political comment here! Where does "puppet" end and "zombie" begin?
(Pick a country, any country will do.)
Cheers.
The Old Firm - How's the puppet patrol in the zombie garden of the electic eel brigade? :)
That was very entertaining can't wait for you to put out the info on how to shrink heads. LOL
Sabreblade, I actually meant to put something in here about the Serpent and the Rainbow and I forgot!
I had to chuckle about your comment equating yourself with a zombie. :) Don't we all look like that before the first cup of coffee?
Hi, TOF! You've taught me about growing things, thought I'd return the favour. :)
Catchy title, Patty!
LOL, thanks Laurel. I hadn't thought about a hub on shrunken heads but if I have time and can find instructions, I'll be sure to share!
It is technically impossible to create a zombie. Advanced as our science is, reanimation is still not possible. All this making of zombies is just a bunch of nonsense.
I can go on but Grey's Anatomy is on right now. And after that there's Criminal Minds, and then, some reruns of old sitcoms. I probably have a couple of minutes after I Love Lucy to run down to stock up on potato chips for tomorrow morning's soap operas. And I think there's a great movie at noon....
And that's just one channel. :)
This is so cool, Shirley! I guess you weren't joking when you said that we can REALLY make a zombie! That'll teach me to ever doubt you! I think I'm too chicken to give it a try, however :P I think I inadvertently ALMOST became a zombie in college when my pledge class and I were experimenting with Bacardi 151, but that is another matter...Thank you for sahring this one! I really enjoyed it.
Speaking from personal experience.............
Thanks Shirley for a great hub! I happen to know a little about the subject because a few years ago a book came out called "Faces in the smoke." It is the true account of a
American who witness Voodoo rituals and he claims to have witnessed the Zombies first hand. I also know a little about the Jimsons Weed, for I grew up in the western states were it is a common weed. Several tribes of Native American and Native Mexican has used the plant for many things. It is important to note that it is the flower that is used for the "Zombie making" It is a powerful hallucinogenic and hypnotic drug. It can cause people to become very violent. The reason the Zombie was maid angry, is so the "Zombie Master" could use him like a "hit man" harming who ever his master wanted to harm or kill. Now back to Wandererh statement, it is not reanimation , for the person is NOT DEAD! They are in a comatose state.
Hi Highvoltagewriter, that comment was made half in jest and I was referring to the movies version of a zombie with rotting flesh and bits and pieces of body parts that fall off. The real version of a zombie is much too scary for me. :)
Wandererh, I'm glad that it's too scary for you. I worried about some insane person actually trying this or at the very least making use of the drug ingredients. They are deadly dangerous! Hope your shows were good and the chips were fresh. Thanks for your comments.
Dohn, I had to laugh at your close brush with becoming a zombie. :) I'm glad that you have no intentions of trying this, much too icky and dangerous! Thank-you for coming by to read and comment.
Ethel, I laughed out loud at your comment, thanks.
HighVoltage, thank YOU for your terrific, informative comment! I assume that if you want your zombie as a passive servant only, you would skip the part of making them angry? Would you still administer the Jimsons weed?
Note to Laurel Oakes: I found the recipe for shrunken heads. It's very graphic and I'm not sure that I could get through it without losing my lunch. I'll look at it again but I may give this grizzly one a pass - way too ewwwww, I think, stomach turning. Darn it!
I'm in a hurry Shirley only have a couple of hours left and the digging is really heavy work. Just needed to refresh my mind of what to do next...I mean I needed a drink yeah that's what I meant to say...
What an interesting hub, hope no-one will try. Changing the subject here. Did you know there was a sale on ebay for really nice fresh toad skins.
Gotta go my Zombie's waiting...I mean, I mean I gotta answer a call
Thanks for sharing, remember to write an ebook on the subject
Love the hub regards Zsuzsy
Hehe, Zsuzsy, you're going to need a drink by the time you finish all that digging....I mean drinking. :)
Thanks for the tip about ebay! ;)
My ebook will be launched next month. Don't worry, I'll offer hubbers a special discounted price, I don't want anyone to miss out on getting the secrets of the zombie making gurus! You're welcome.
Thanks so much, Zsuzsy!
I came here expecting to find the recipe for a tasty adult beverage. Instead, I find that you've put another bad idea in B.T.'s head. I KNEW I heard someone shuffling aimlessly around my basement last night. It's a good thing I knew better than to investigate.
Fun hub, Shirley! Now about that drink...
Whoa, good hub for HubMob. Good idea, NOT to try this at home. You have a great writing style--very entertaining!
i think it can be done and is very interesting no matter how immoral or wrong it may be i dont care though and could think of a few people for whom this may be a good punishment
Oops, sorry RMR! I was afraid that I was going to disappoint somebody that way. Actually, that's why I put the word, "Real" in the title, hoping to avoid sending people away with empty glasses. If you happen to find a zombie in another hub, could you please bring me one? Zombie making is hard work...just ask Zsuzsy Bee!
I think you're a smart man to avoid investigating that shuffle...coulda been (probably was)trouble. By the way, have you seen BT today?
Thanks for coming by, RMR!
Paradise7, thank-you so much, that's very nice of you.
Pete, thanks for your comment. Please keep in mind that it's hard work doing all that digging! :)
now you are scaing me, Shirley!
good hub
Sorry, Mezo! Couldn't help it, the idea started niggling at the back of my brain, so I had to exorcise it. :)
Thanks for coming by!
Success! It only took me four tries (that's a lot of digging, by the way). Turns out I had the wrong type of puffer fish.
I had him stashed in rmr's basement, but he seems to have found his way out. Now I wonder where he got to...
Shirley, I had a big problem finding a witch doctor or a voodoo priest, but luckly I found an internet site that provides online voodoo priest certification for $19.95 in just 3 days. So I'm good to go now, I just hope my kids return to normal soon from all that practicing I had to do for my final exam. ;)
I LOVE this Shirley! I was laughing so hard when I read this a few days ago that I accidently knocked the power cord out of my laptop before I could comment! That's the truth. Great idea and great job! :D
Geez, BT! Have you seen RMR today? I'm a little concerned that your experiment may have sought him out. Hope you didn't make that zombie really, really mad! Poor RMR! Good job and way to hang in there, though. :)
Hi, Pam! Long time no see. Glad that you're getting your voodoo priest certification! You should advertise your services, you could probably get a lot of gigs, especially this month. Re your kids, I'm sure they'll recover. Remember though, no toad skin or puffer fish!
Pam, I'm SO happy that I was able to put a few minutes of fun in your life. Thanks so much for coming by!
Well, well, well Miss Shirley. What kind of shenanigans have you been up to. You don't really think you can make a zombie now do you? Did you hear that? What the... blood curdling scream... BT help me... OMG that RMR is frisky for a zombie. Maybe he needs some more datura paste, what do you think? Oh, have to run. The Draculas from down the street just popped by and we're going to have a bloody Mary or two, they live next door. Then we're going to go pound down some steaks... heartburn here I come! See you at sundown my pretties.
Carmen, you're my kinda macabre gal! Sounds like you live in a good neighbourhood, too! A frisky zombie? Oh, my. ;)
Hey, Carmen, what say we get together for a zombie (the drink) and swap zombie recipes? I can just tell that you have at least one, maybe even with a secret ingredient. Of course, you'd be willing to share it with a fellow hubber, right? Right?
Enjoy your dinner!
Oh no! I hope Carmen is wrong! If my zombie zombified rmr, that means I need to find a new basement to live in. The horror!
Geez, BT, that would be bad. Umm, just as a side note...any chance that a jackalope might have something to fear from a menacing zombie? Don't forget, they're very irritable.
Gosh., Shirley. Are you saying I'm irritating? If I was, I would've thought rmr would tell me...oh, wait...
:) Guess I should learn to relay a clear message via the written word, eh?
I've not known you to be irritating (well, just that one incident of droppings) but I've heard stories...
I love vampire more zombie. But I love zombie song.
Sorry I didn't do a vampire hub for you, Kyon. Glad that you liked the song, though. :)
great hub.
Thanks, Sukhera. Happy Hallowe'en in advance. :)
Zooombies, not just for the corporate world and political arena anymore!
On a side note, datura boiled in water and drunk really fast tastes like dandelions and makes you not wanna move while you have a rather interesting and some say spiritual episode.
But, it tastes like dandelions. Some people say.
Not that I would know...
lxxy! How are you? I'm so glad that you don't have first hand knowledge of the evils of Datura. ;) I'd hate to see you become the accidental zombie.
Cheers, I mean thanks! :)
A zombie ate my pet rabbit when I was growing up. We caught the zombie in the act, but it was too late - Mr. Whiskers was dead. The zombie ran off and we were too scared to chase it. Thanks for bringing up a traumatic childhood experience, Shirley. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go wet the bed now...
Delaney, please forgive my insensitivity towards you so many years ago. In all actuality, I was not feasting upon your beloved Mr. Whiskers, but merely trying to create a family member. It's very lonely being one of the enslaved, and I foolishly thought that, like my Bokor, I could create another life from death. I failed, and in doing so apologize.
Now, this is a sad story.
Delaney, I add my apologies to Xomby's for traumatizing you. Too bad you don't still have Mr. Whiskers' body; maybe we could bring him back from the dead for you. But as Xomby has already explained, that doesn't work very well.
I sense a deep healing opportunity here. Xomby, perhaps if you buy Delaney a new set of sheets, it'll speed up the process. Perhaps a kitten, too.
Delaney, I think the pain of loneliness is at the root of the incident. Maybe if you can look past your own pain to see Xomby's, you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive.
If the two of you want the number of a good zombie trauma counselor, just let me know.
I'm so glad you both decided to confront these issues. It's the first step to dealing with healing.
Hello my zombie making friend! Okay, it took me awhile to figure out how to track comments I've made... must have been the bloody marys I had with the Draculas... they stayed until sun up OMG! Zombies, huh? Sounds like a plan. What are you doing tomorrow night, my pretty? You have such a beautiful neck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should be quite thirsty by sunset and children's blood is so... contaminated with good stuff and they taste like milk and veggies and soy and all manner of nasty things. YUK Trick or Treat?
Hellooooo, Carmen! Happy Hallowe'en! Sounds like socializing with the Draculas is pretty exhausting. Hope you had fun, though.
I'd love to visit tonight but, umm, I think I'm busy feeding my zombie. Besides, my neckectomy is scheduled for tomorrow. Thanks for the invite, though!
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Scott.Life says:
2 months ago
Now whats the fun in telling us how if we can't do it, that's like saying "Don't look down" to someone, you know they're going to. Good thing Haiti is so far away or I could get into a lot of Mischief.