7-ELEVEN EINSTEIN

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By: Wayne Brown


I made my customary morning stop at the local 7-Eleven up the street a ways from my office. I grab my morning cup of coffee there every day that I am in town and not traveling. Some days, I grab a doughnut from the display case on my way to the cash register with my coffee. Today was a doughnut day so I grabbed a chocolate one to calm my nerves for the day.


As I reached into the case, I noticed that all the plastic tags which were used to label the individual baskets of pastry were lying on top of the case all askew. Normally, when I go up to the register I attempt to get a laugh out of the store manager who is usually tending the register. Today was not different. I told her that I almost did not purchase a doughnut today. When she asked why not, I told her about the labels on top of the case and kiddingly said, “Without the labels, I was not really sure which one was the chocolate doughnut…so I had to guess”. She laughed.


Out in the car, I began to think about labels and how we do respond to them. Sometimes labels are truly necessary but too often they are overused and seem rather stupid. Take for instance the doughnuts this morning. Do I really need labels to tell me the difference between a “glazed” doughnut and a “chocolate-covered” one? Not really. At the same time, does it really make a difference when the customer sees that mass of deep fried conglomeration sporting a label of “fritter”? Oh, so that’s what a fritter is…well I want one now! If that had not had a label on it, I would have probably had to ask, “What is this thing?” The reply would have been, “it’s a fritter” and I in turn would have declined to purchase it because I don’t like to find out about fritters in that fashion. I think you might be starting to get my drift here.


For those who have never had fritters, the sign means little or nothing because they probably have not been looking for a fritter in the first place. It goes unnoticed by the “fritter-eater” who is quite accustomed to the appearance of the fritter and totally ignores the sign labeled as such. So, the label is simply for that curious individual who is wondering around looking at everything, sees a fritter, and has no idea what the hell it is. So the y ask which means someone in the store has to stop what they are doing and given an answer…thus the label.


We have those labels in grocery stores as well. The sign on the shelf says, “Diced tomatoes with cilantro” 95 cents per can. There is a price and a description. The label on the can says the same thing except for the price. But, without that label on the shelf, some idiots takes a can to the information desk and asks, “What is in this can labeled diced tomatoes with cilantro?” Again we return to the doughnut logic as to why these labels exist.


Of course, some might argue that labels are there to keep things from getting mixed up. I can see me now skipping happily out of the 7-Eleven with my coffee and chocolate-covered doughnut in hand only to take a quick bit and discover, “Hey, this is no chocolate doughnut. It’s a fritter!” Imagine me having to return to store and complain to the manager that I was duped into buying a fritter with my chocolate-covered doughnut money. Imagine the managers alarm when she discovers the fritters have accidently been mixed in with the chocolate covered doughnuts and no one has noticed because there are no labels. Now this is starting to cost the store money and create customer dissatisfaction all over the lack of labels in their proper place. You see the potential seriousness of this now I suppose.


Another place we run into labels is at gatherings like town hall meetings or your high school class reunion. Neither one seem to make any sense except that it adds an air of familiarity to the affair. “Well, hello, I see by your label that your name is Fred. Gosh Fred I am so happy to be here at the town hall meeting with you. You know, Fred, isn’t it great that we live in such a great little town where everyone seems to know everyone else? Why I recognized you as soon as I came in the door, Fred but I didn’t want to say anything because I saw that you had your nametag label pasted over your shirt pocket. That’s great Fred, why don’t we sit together for the meeting?”


Then there’s the 40 year high school reunion where everyone wearing name tags. They all recognize each other but the organizers are afraid someone will forget the other's name even though they recognize them. Then they’ll go, “Who the hell is that?” and end up distracted other activities while someone in the know answers them. I can hear myself whispering to my wife, “Yeah, over there’s that dumb-ass Fred Tucker with his name tag over his pocket. He is the one who wore his sister’s panties to school our senior year, “but then again, one would not want to mistake Hank Johnson, the high school football team fullback for the likes of Fred Tucker and go asking about those panties. So maybe there is something to these name tag labels at the reunion. I’ll have to give it some thought.


How about the dessert tray at the local buffet, do we really need labels there? There is Peach Pie, Pecan Pie, Apple Pie and on and on. Get those labels mixed up just once and you have chaos at the Luby’s. “Hey Joe, that looks like some great Apple Pie you have there.” “Oh, sorry, but this is Pecan Pie. There was a label right there where I picked it up that clearly read ‘Pecan Pie’. It might resemble Apple in some ways but it is clearly as the label says simply ‘Pecan Pie’.” Never mind that it looks like Apple Pie. It’s what the label says that counts. Thus we can conclude that if we use labels there is no need to apply common sense in most situations.


Over in the toilet paper section at Wal-Mart, the label on the giant package of toilet paper rolls states, “Giant Economy Size”. Woo…glad to know that! I could have looked around this store all day long trying to decide which package of toilet paper was the big economy one. It just goes to show you that you cannot go by appearance alone for you could be easily fooled by the first package you encounter marked “economy size”. You would quickly snap it up and run home only to be told by the little woman that you had purchased the wrong one. Had you been paying attention and reading labels you would not have had to depend on common sense to make this decision, a difficult one I might add.


Of course some labels don’t tell the whole story. For instances, let’s say you go into the store and want to buy a camera. Three cameras are lined up in a row with labels below them stating “Good, Better, and Best respectively. Now these labels in and of themselves are terribly misleading because you have absolutely nothing to compare but these one word descriptions posted by the store. So, to correct this error, the store adds the prices, $29.99, $39.99, and $49.99 to correspond respectively with the descriptive words. Now the scenario is in balance and you can easily decide which one is the best camera for you. You happily head home with your new camera in hand confident that you have used your comparative skills to select the best product for your needs. Thank God for labels rather than the need to depend merely on common sense.


No doubt my morning visits to 7-Eleven are creating some high level intellectual thinking on my part. Some might think it only a stop for doughnuts and coffee but I know that many questions of the universe will be considered in the course of my many visits to this haven. Einstein might weep if he were to visit a 7-Eleven and realize the number of intellectual challenges faced on a daily basis by the casual shopper. He might even look at me differently and consider me as a peer as opposed to just some cretin gnawing on a chocolate-covered doughnut.



© Copyright WBrown2011. All Rights Reserved.


10/11/2011


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Comments 24 comments

anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 5 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Wayne, I think there's a law about the labels. Some people are allergic to the stuff inside. However, I can think of one place that it absolutely applies...Hospital blood bank. I have a sticker phobia. Can't stand'em blaring at me on my cosmetics. I remove every one. A tip for you. If you ever want to remove a sticker and not leave any residue. Peanut butter will remove it safely. But you have to leave it on overnight.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Einstein WOULD weep if he were to look at the intellectual dishonesty of politicize mislabeling of candidates for public office. Will the electorate be fooled into electing a fritter(wastrel) or a doughnut (sinker) :)


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@anndavis25...Yeah, I'd say you called that one right! LOL! Peanut Butter is also good to eat just before you fly. If you are prone to air sickness, you'll be glad to know that it comes up the same way it goes down! LOL! WB

@SilentReed...Ain't it so! If there could ever be a case made for mislabeling...that would have to be it! LOL! Thanks much. WB


jenubouka 5 years ago

I never looked at labels this way, don't let seven 11 catch on to your revelations, they may want to label that too..


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@jenubouka....I need a sign that says, "Customer!" Thanks much. WB


CMerritt profile image

CMerritt 5 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

Since this label thing has been deemed to take away some of our common sense, perhaps it is appropriate that our fine Government should capitalize on this and ininiate a "label tax". All items that does NOT have labels associated with them will be taxed to compensate those who become defamed and who have had their integrity attacked for let's say those who actually DID purchase a fritter in lieu of a chocolate doughnut. This could possibly even require a Label Czar to overlook this to assure optimum performance of all Labels in the USA.

sorry Wayne, I got carried away........I did not have my chocolate doughnut this morning....lol...but, BOY that sure does sound pretty good about now.

I have to vote up and funny...this was very good Wayne.

Chris


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@CMerritt...Chocolate doughnut or not this morning, Chris...a label czar could be in our future if we mess up this next election. Someone will need to label us all as "prisoners" of the new dictatorship. I cringe at the thought and wish for more doughnuts! Thanks much! WB


LABrashear profile image

LABrashear 5 years ago from My Perfect Place, USA

I have to say, I have worked retail in the past, and you would be surprised (or maybe not) at the questions that come at you. The tomato question has probably happened more than you would think! And that is on top of the labels being on the shelf!!! Funny hub - thanks for the morning giggle. And good to know about peanut butter! And now I want a chocolate doughnut!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@LABrashear...As comedian Ron White put it, "Ya can't fix stupid". LOL! They say truth is funnier than anything we can make up and I suppose this is one element of it. We actually expect to see labels on everything...we are conditioned! Now how about that doughnut or maybe a fritter! WB


marellen 5 years ago

Without labels we might have to use our brain more and logic. Something, most of us have forgotten how to use. Of course there will always be 'have-to' use labels and I don't think you are discounting those. You certainly gave us something to think about with this hub.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Sometimes it's a little detail that causes the world to shift. One man's doughnut is another man's universe. I've had some of the same thoughts myself. Like why do people have to be told not to eat hemorrhoid cream. There's a warning label telling people not to. Mmmm...


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Brilliant people such as yourself perform seemingly ordinary tasks while creating a symphony!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@marellen...You got that right. Some labels are definitely of use but inevitably there is always that sign on the box of pencils that says 2 for $1 and someone will ask, "how many can I get for $5?" Well, duh! WB

@A.A. Zavala...That's because someone already ate some of it on a cracker, Augustine! WB

@breakfastpop...YeeHa! I like that comment, yessir! WB


tdarby profile image

tdarby 5 years ago

I love Labels--how else am I going to know that my hair dryer should not be used in the shower or while sleeping.


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

I might have to disagree about nametags at a high school reunion.It saves a bit of embarrassment. I didn't know most of those in my class at the time let alone 50 years later.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

This hub really makes one think, Wayne, so you have performed a community service. Speaking of labels, why is the best-selling pencil in the U.S. labeled No. 2? Just wonderin'.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@tdarby...True, without labels some people would easily kill themselves playing with the radio in the bath. LOL! WB

@dahoglund...You may be on to something there DA...a compensator for the feeble mind! LOL! WB

@drbj...I can always count on you to find the stickler in the situation, Doc. How long you been contemplating this pencil thing...there might be a hub there? WB


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Ha! The video is fun too! I do a taste test with my kiddos -- serving them 2 kinds of apple juice in cups labeled A and B. One is top-of-the-line expensive, and the other is generic. Same with fruit loop cereals - both in cups labeled A and B -- Name brand and generic. Well, you guessed it -- the kids often select the cheaper brands as tasting better, etc. We also add in a little math -- and calculate cost per ounce . . . Later, we walk to a neighborhood grocery store and compare several other products including soup, apples, and toothpaste. Have you ever noticed how many brands and types of toothpastes there are. We talk about both packaging and labeling. Crazy!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@Truckstop Sally...apparently there is big money in toothpaste...afterall, it is something of a necessity for the vast majority of the population. Labels have a good side but unfortunately they can be the basis for allowing us to be led around by the nose and never really think for ourselves. You have some very good exercises...the government will be shutting you down real soon! LOL! WB


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

LOL --- “Yeah, over there’s that dumb-ass Fred Tucker with his name tag over his pocket. He is the one who wore his sister’s panties to school our senior year," = good one - I forgot his name! LOL

I worked for a company who took Micro management to the point of being totally stupid.... in a speech I prepared for a sales meeting I said "wont be long until they place a chart on the bathroom wall and have us record the number of tissue squares we use.... the only reason they have not already done that is they have not figured out how to track it in the computer program we all used" .... for some reason they labeled me a rebel and was one of the first to be let go when they reduced people from teh sales floor and wasted money on their website B.S. (that went no where as I suspected) ... LOL

Great hub!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@Neil Sperling...The computer age has created as much deadhead time as it has efficiency. We analyze things faster but sometimes I don't think we have a reason to analyze them except the fact that we can. Kind of like labels, huh? Thanks much! WB


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 5 years ago from London

Congratulations,that's really amusing and interesting,Wayne.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@kathryn1000...Thank you, glad that you enjoyed this one. WB


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 5 years ago from London

I enjoyed it very much and shall be thinking about labes now!

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