A Poem About a Broken Heart - Broke Me Down

The beach
The beach | Source

Broken Heart

I had a friend encourage me to write song lyrics a few months back - this is what I came up with. Please be gentle as this is new to me!!


It wasn’t like we had what we needed

It wasn’t like you gave me the moon on a string

You said you’d love me forever but you don’t

I said I’d be your promise girl but I’m not


You didn’t let me finish what I came for

You sent me away before I knew where I was

I suffered for the feeling we had together

You didn’t even notice my tears were for us


You sent me that letter in the mail

It came to say what you couldn’t tell

You broke me down built me up and down again

Crushing words and breaking hearts you'd pretend


Im mourning the morning we drifted apart

Following the path to the ocean where we met

Aside from the distance and waves crashing over

The seagulls were screaming and diving for cover


You held my hand until the wet sand broke away

I reached for you and grabbed only empty space

Gone with the sea salt and drifting loosely

You promised me love now all I have left is me


You sent me that letter in the mail

It came to say what you couldn’t tell

You broke me down built me up and down again

Crushing words and breaking hearts you'd pretend


You didn’t let me finish what I came for

You sent me away before I knew where I was

I suffered for the feeling we had together

You didn’t even notice my tears were for us

You promised me love now all I have left is me

You promised me love now all I have left is me




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Comments 33 comments

foxygem 4 years ago

Awesome :) x


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

Nicely done for the first attempt. I can hear the music in between those broken lines and sadness of loss. I know it's tough as breaking up is never easy and so very hard to do for many of us. Time heals all, keep writing, keep singing and dance to your music always. Peace and blessings to you my scribe.


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

I can feel your emotions in the written word...nice start...voted up!!! Makes it good to get it off your chest, huh. :)


albertsj profile image

albertsj 4 years ago from Pittsfield, Ma

First attempt? Wow, it's really good. I felt like I was in your head. Like I could feel, your feelings. Really good. Voting up and beautiful Ardie.


Laura Matkin 4 years ago

Great work! Your song made me sad, I and many many others have been were you were in this. Thank you for sharing!


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

Well written Ardie,,,, We have all experienced a breakup or separation of one sort or another. This is a great first attempt... it takes the reader not only to the physical place and the emotional as well. Keep writing you do have a gift.

Hugs


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 4 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Lovely song. For your first attempt you did well. The promise of love so freely given then so quickly taken away is never an easy path to walk -- I am very familiar with that path and have learned to just keep walking towards tomorrow and look for the beauty in life.


Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 4 years ago from Upstate New York

Very well done because I FEEL your sadness! I've always said the greatest pain in the world is loss. I can so relate. Those of us who have experienced this know the raw pain it involves. Thank you and I wish you healing and blessings, Sincerely, Sparklea :)


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Great lyrics.. the emotion in them is evident. This would make a great country song. Wonderful!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

wow...u sure were hurt, Ardie.

Your lyrics depict it.

wishing u peace, my friend! sure, it made you strong...YAY!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome! Ardie it sort of had me flowing along as I read it and the emotions are strong. I do believe this needs country music and a nice guitar.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

I agree Gypsy Rose Lee!

I feel broekn hearted already

LORD


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland Author

Hi foxygem! 1) your profile pic makes me laugh like crazy and 2) thank you so much!

Hello Vincent Moore – THE authority on poetry :) Thank you for such kind words. A broken heart never really heals it just hurts less.

Hi iamaudraleigh :) Thanks for reading – it did feel good to get it out – no reason to keep it in anymore and pretend like its all ok.

Thanks albertsj!! Its amazing how easily it just flowed out

Hello Laura – aaw Im sorry to make you sad!! I suppose it is a sad one this time. Thanks for reading this :)

Hello Rolly, wow! Thanks for such sweet words. I was a little hesitant to post this because it’s so personal but I’m glad I did. You’re right – we’ve all been here at one point or another.

Phyllis, thank you so much :) I love your way of dealing with those who walk away so easily. I will keep walking ahead

Hi Sparklea :)thank you so much for reading. It takes time and expression to get over hurt and loss. But I know it can happen – little steps at a time.

Hi Tammy! I tried singing a tune to this and I’m hoping to get the nerve to put it on YouTube one day hahah we will see…I’m terribly shy

Hello sweet Ruchira :)I am healing and doing ok – I actually wrote this a few months back when my friend challenged me to do it, and I couldn’t publish it until now. Thank you so much for reading!!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland Author

Hello Gypsy Rose Lee! Wow thank you so much. The comment means a lot coming from you :) Country music, guitar, or a fiddle. I have my violin under my bed…maybe I should pull it out tonight.

Hello dear Lord, don’t be broken hearted – its more fun to be happy! Go read my Hub on the facts of life instead and laugh :D


ChristyWrites profile image

ChristyWrites 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

How emotional, my poor heart. Well done, especially given you say you are new to the poetic form!


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 4 years ago from West Virginia

That was very good for a start on this kind of journey.


writer20 profile image

writer20 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

This song is very good and very sad. I'm ready to cry.

Voted across the top except funny.


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Thank you for sharing your pain through this poem. Voting this Up and Beautiful.


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 4 years ago from Victoria, Australia

Those emotions were so beautifully expressed. Now you're started, please don't stop. Voted up and beautiful.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

An amazing read here.

An up up and away for sure.

Take care and have a great day.

Eddy.


dilipchandra12 profile image

dilipchandra12 4 years ago from India

Its beautiful. Nice hub. Well written, i liked it. Voted UP


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

nicely done, ardie. let me know if you put this to music :-)


Bardie 4 years ago

You should submit this to Adele!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland Author

Hi Christy :) Thanks! I’m not so new to poems but I am to the idea of using them as lyrics. If I ever get up the nerve I will sing out the tune I have sorta going for this.

Hello Lady G – thank you so much!

Hi Writer 20 – a new pic and I love it :)I hope you didn’t really cry…we love smiles here

Hi alocsin, thanks for reading and for the votes

Thank you BlossomBS! I don’t think I can stop…I enjoyed writing this :)

Hello Eddy and thanks! I hope you had a great day as well

Hiya dilipchandra :)Thank you so much for your sweet words

I will PDX, I already have a tune that I “sang” it to while I was writing it. I just need to get up the nerve to put it on vid!

Wow Bardie – I would DIE if Adele ever sang my words….can you imagine?!


American View profile image

American View 4 years ago from Plano, Texas

Excellent!! Up Awesome and across the board


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland Author

Aaw thanks AV! :)


poshcoffeeco profile image

poshcoffeeco 4 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Ardie, who will you get to sing it and write the music? I agree with Vincent, I can here the music as I read it and imagine what it will sound like as a song. As a stand alone piece it is good enough just to read it and be absorbed by the words.

You get all my votes.


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland Author

Hi Steve :) I will sing it and write the music! I played violin for many years and I love to sing (not the best but I have the passion for it). Im glad you liked it - thanks for the votes!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

i'm waiting for the music of this lyrics...awesome Ardie...


festersporling1 profile image

festersporling1 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

"Broken Heart - Broke Me Down".Thumbs up Ardie its a great song very well-written.I hope to see more of this soon.Great hub.


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland Author

Thanks for the read and comment festerspoling :)


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 3 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Gee, this was sad but ... let's just say it really reached out and touched me. Yeah, really grabbed me Arrrrrrride! Who ever this was about must of been quite a guy. I don't think you ever mentioned this one to me which is sad because you know I would have, and will be, doing some serious comfortating with you on this. At's what friends do you know, and I can hardly wait to get started you poor little thing ... I really must get busy reading more of your Hubs. You ARE a very good little rider, I mean writer.

jim


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 3 years ago from Tucson, Az.

BTW ... just funnin. This was obviously a very painful thing about someone you cared a lot for a lot at one time, and my lack of sensitivity is unexcusable. Think I'll forget about being a comedian, and just stick to my job as a piano player in a whore house.

~ jim

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