All Just A Rue

Winter of My Life

The Sky is Still Blue
The Sky is Still Blue | Source

Feelin' like an old whore looks, I say, screw you

Hardcore disillusionment the mood that I chew

Don't come 'round here no more, presuming to

I'm hip to, gonna get through, gotta make do

-------------------------------------------------

Its not you, its just business, kick an old shoe

Out the door, on my ass, you bid my adieu

Prick that pierced my soul clarifies my view

I'm hip to, gonna get through, gotta make do

----------------------------------------------------------

Time it took to right myself, the past I outgrew

Alone, no one's prize, invisible now my queue

Forgiveness not a given, hate sees me through

I'm hip to, gonna get through, gotta make do

---------------------------------------------------------

Down and out, seconds count, balance askew

Shake if off, look up, see the skies familiar hue

But the world spews cold with nothin' to pursue

Tired of tryin', excuses and lyin', its all just a rue

-------------------------------------------------------------

Reserves are low now, bank of smiles rate few

Dark winter arrives as a cold world blows blue

Hands of apathy holdin' me down, hardened glue

Tired of tryin', excuses and lyin', its all just a rue

-------------------------------------------------------------

Solitude's cold arms embrace my lonely coup

A canvas full of emptyness but winter's imbue

Concede the fight, see the light, my pale brew

Tired of tryin', excuses and lyin', its all just a rue


Comments 55 comments

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Raw + dark + light = reality .. Looks like you nailed it again. You know I love your stuff kid, and it's wonderful to get that message saying you've published one of your soulful poems. I've got a guy (a poet/artist) who I want to get you together with here onthe hub. He's a pro and I'm thinking he might get some people in the know looking at your stuff. I was tellinghim about you. Gotta find the dude! I'll let you know when I find it.

Love to you and Mac Man!

jim


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Jim, that is incredibly sweet of you. I really appreciate you. Your brain is always firing with ideas. Thanks for your comments and support. I'll look forward to meeting your poet friend.


icciev profile image

icciev 5 years ago from Kuwait

nice poem, loved it and voted up


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

icciey, Thank you! I appreciate your words, especially "loved it"!


vietnamvet68 profile image

vietnamvet68 5 years ago from New York State

HI Amy, very nicely written, don't let that icy winter blue get you down.

God Bless


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear vietnamvet, Thank you for your kind comments. I'll be dusting off my paint brushes soon. It "takes me away", engrosses me completely, and improves my mindset. I've read where any activity where you lose sense of time defines individual happiness. Painting does that for me. Dwelling on situations that "are what they are" doesn't change it, it only keeps me stuck in the muck. Thank you for your poetic words that ring so true.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

Dear Amy you chose the right video for this message of despair. There are many who will feel the bitter winds and cold of winter, without hope. The country is letting down their citizens, causing heartache and sorrow, lost homes, mortgages recalled, keys left on the floor. Out of jobs, cut backs galore. Middle class disappearing overnight, homelessness in constant sight.

Their plight a delight for the power hungry destroying our countries. Greed is the order of the day, taxation their game, putting many in the poor house while they feast like fattened cows on their citizens misery. Revolution in the air, power to the people, change must come and humanity saved, wealth must be equally distributed, people put back to work, the economy restored.

I feel your words and pray for change, positive change. Try to stay out of the cold Amy, surround yourself with love and family and friends who help each other in these desperate times. Peace


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Ken, You summed it up with your ability to tap into compassion, empathy, intellect and understanding. Thank you for that. My situation is very isolating, although, many share it. Poverty creates more than physical hunger, as it reduces human beings to strays. Depression joins hopelessness that reduces the spirit and isolates. It is a downward spiral that can feel endless. Your words are true when met with the kindness of loved ones, but it can be even more difficult when met with rebuff or worse, accusations of "whining". The large numbers of desperate people today go silent, huddle down and do what they can. I would imagine crime has and will continue to increase.

Thank you for bouying me up with much appreciated kindness, my friend.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 5 years ago from North Carolina

That is very beautiful.. you are helping so many of us faced with unemployment, aging...Thank you! Perhaps this happened to you so you could find your true calling in writing.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear tammyswallow, how sweet of you! You made my day. I am so happy that you find value in my heartfelt words. I hope you don't relate, but your comment says "us", however you appear too young to relate to aging! I hope you are not impacted by unemployment. Unfortunately, I had just finalized my divorce when my employer of 13-years laid me off 2-weeks later. A double-whammy, so to speak. There are many impacted by this economy with young families, which is unimaginable. When I see news stories of families living in a vehicle or the older couple that have taken up residence with their belongings in a storage unit (with no running water), I am demoralized. In time, no matter what savings, without a job, there isn't much hope of sustaining oneself, much less a family.

Thank you for your kind words of support, Tammy.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

Amy, Your words speak for so many out there who have lost their jobs and homes. Whole families living in tents. Your poetry is so bold and strong, words that could only be written by someone who is there. It touched me. The song is perfect for this piece..Here's hoping that something/ someone brightens your day. This economy sucks..It's got to get better..


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

always exploring, Your visit brightened my day! The situation is, for many, an intolerable crisis for families. Before I lost my job, I always sent a portion of my annual bonus to "Best Friends" and The Humane Society. I still get their pleas for help, but I finally wrote them in the interest of not wasting postage, as I told them "I'm in need of some rescuing". Now, with the situation in Greece, everything feels more tenuous. I did get some encouraging news today, in response to an online freelance position, as I'm in the final running. Its better pay than the writing I have been doing. Writing, though, can be a long, slow climb! I look at what I've done online and consider it all a learning experience towards my big break (I won't hold my breath)!!! Thank you, my compassionate friend. I appreciate your words and understanding.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Amy, you have true friends who care. Things will get better soon.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 5 years ago from New York

I truly believe things will get better too. When on the bottom the Only place to go is up, up and away! Great poem.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Awwwww, Augustine, thank you. I hope your prediction is right on. I am excited about a new freelance possibility where I'm told I'm one of the finalists in the first round of applicants. It ain't Vogue, but its a step up. I'm also elated about having my letter to the editor at Vogue chosen and published in the November issue of Vogue. I followed up with an article for submission. No word yet on that. Your words just made me reaize I'm still trying!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Bobbi,

As always, I'm so happy to see you here. I appreciate your encouragement and support. I keep hammering away, writing and submitting, and step by step, the opportunities are growing. More often than not, I get a response. Now, I understand what I've heard that writing isn't easy. It requires more than writing ability. I'm still learning everyday. And, I still love it, more...


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

My dearest friend Amy, my heart goes so out to you. I wish I was able to change your winter into spring. All I can say is don't fall, don't flee, fight them left, right and centre, high and low and upside down until they're all dead flies at your feet. What about having some coffee in email.com?


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Sweet Martie, thank you for your fantastically strong words. You are an inspiration to me. I am still fighting, and I have some great possibilities in the works. Hey, check out the November issue of Vogue for my Letter to the Editor. Its the first one on the page! Not a paying gig, but competition is fierce and I am thrilled! I promptly submitted an article, no word yet. I'm seeing some interest from Freelance.com and got word I'm in the final group for consideration on an ongoing writing gig. I also emailed my writing samples to a local advertising firm that looks uber cool. I have quite a bit of experience now with copywriting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending your fighting spirit my way. The support I get here at the hub keeps me going.

I've never heard of email.com. I'll have to check it out.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hi Amy! I was just showing my Uncle your pic - he wanted to look at some hot girls while I am sitting her reading him morning hubs:) lol

How did I miss this? I haven't been getting my notifications. Love this poem - you really have the gift. My favorite line is

"solitude's cold arms embrace my lonely coup"

A perfect example of how I see your poetry so mature and developed. Beautiful - and I know you are going to end up free lancing full time before this winter has concluded:) Go St. Louis!!!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

You just made my day a bright one, even though its drab, raining and chilly outside in STL! Thank you for your kind words that keep me warm and hopeful. Love to you my St. Louis friend.


susan54 profile image

susan54 5 years ago

Amy Becherer,Vote up! You have a great talent in creative writing,what a great poem. I look forward to read more from you. Thanks


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Susan, the lady with the adorable haircut! I'm very happy to see you here. I look forward to the possibility of a "Flattop" read. I like your independent style. Thank you for your visit and encouraging comment.


susan54 profile image

susan54 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLEMENT! What a low maintenance, hairstyle it is. I think women over 40 look good with very short hair. Don't be shy jump in the chair and get one yourself. I love you hubs!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Susan, I have the most miserable baby-fine hair on the planet. I went to barber "college" (for real) when I was young and cut hair in a man's barber shop for a few years. My co-students all said the same thing "You have such a pretty face. Its a shame you have such funky hair". I am not exaggerating when I say they were being kind. If I ever win the lottery, I am going to load up on extensions. I have my mother's hair. Ironically, at 84 her hair is platinum white and coarser than in her youth and she has the sexiest haircut! She has never looked better. Although many people might think a flattop is perfect for fine, problem hair, you need a great, thick head of hair to rock a flattop like you do.


susan54 profile image

susan54 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, when I write my hub,you will see how thin my hair is, the flattop makes it look thicker. As an ex-barber do you think the flattop is a good look for married women over 50. I saw a women with one over 4 years ago. Thats how I ended up wearing one. I have seen several women with a flattop over the last 4 years, I have had mine. My husband wears one same as mine. I am so glad my boss puts up with it. I do work in a law office at the front desk.Thank you,you are so kind!


Linda1971 profile image

Linda1971 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, What a super poem, you have more talent than I have as a writer. A++++ I have read some of your hubs this is my first post. you are so kind to people. Super cool!!

I can also thank Susan,she and some other ladies gave me the best advise in my life,on another hub. That was to get this flattop I have now It's been around 3 weeks now going on thursday for a trim up. change my love life around with my hubby 300% he is all over me now. I hair was baby thin also. I like you hub!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Linda, You look absolutely gorgeous. You have a beautiful face and skin and smile! I have to say I am amazed to hear that baby fine hair works with such a short haircut.

One of my favs in the music world that is brave with her hair is Annie Lennox. She is outstanding looking with her bold statement hair. Without that haircut, I think, she loses the dynamic unique appeal I love about her look.

Since my layoff, I have not treated myself to the bottle blonding I use to enjoy. I have not had a haircut in 9-months, which is especially hideous with such fine hair. I've taken to wearing cute hats, which I actually love! You've given me something to think about. If not now, when will I be brave?

Thank you, Linda, for your kind support in my writing endeavors. I got a Letter to the Editor published in the November issue of Vogue, which has given me the confidence to start going after what I want in the writing arena. I feel I've got nothin' to lose. And I ask again, if not now, when?


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Susan, I have always been of the mindset that believes a woman is never too old to wear a mini-skirt, platform shoes, leather jackets, faux fur or a flattop. I say "If the shoe fits, wear it". I don't care how old Annie Lennox gets, she'll always look hot with a flattop and personally, I loved it really red. You and Linda look fantastic. Age is irrelevant.


Linda1971 profile image

Linda1971 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, You should get a flattop and then write about it. You have such a great skill at writing, and you would look model hot!,with one. IT WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE! Men go out of there way to talk to me now,before the cut I don't think they knew I was alive. I use hair wax to get it square. Thanks great hub


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Powerful, moving and real. Up and awesome!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear breakfastpop, Thank you for your words. I find myself so disgusted with the political scene I've dropped out for the time being. Everytime I watch the news, I feel my blood-pressure rise, hopes dash and depression grab hold. I see little change in the gridlock, greed and toxic slime that keeps us stuck. Although, I still visit your site, I've stepped away from the anger, disgust and hopelessness I feel with all things political for the time being. Just so you know, I adore your writing, talent and ability to perservere where I decline to tread. You have a stronger stomach than I. I admire your guts, strength, determination, tenacity and, of course, your visit and support.


susan54 profile image

susan54 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, Are you ready to take the plung, into flattop land. Then we both can write about it, I'm working on my hub. Thanks


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh, Susan, I can't wait to read it! I hope you include "before" and "after" pictures.


susan54 profile image

susan54 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, What about your flattop is it coming soon. Thanks


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I don't know, Susan. I'd have to take the hat I'm hiding under off!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

awesome! Great work! Voted up and such


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear PDXKaraokeGuy, You brightened my day! Thank you kindly.


kellymom1970 profile image

kellymom1970 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, Vote up! What an awesome writer you are. I too am a barber,I see we have some short hair ladies here.I try to give as many women as I can buzzcuts. I have had a flattop on and off for over 20 years. I got it in barber school and wear it now for the past 3 years. I love it. My mom is 70 and I have given her one for 11 years non stop. I just cut her hair 4 days ago.

I am working on some barbershop hubs.

I hope to see you in a flattop soon!

see you later


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear kellymom, Its uncanny how many lovely ladies I've met just recently wearing flattops! And, I must say, its hot! I can't wait to read your barbershop hubs!

Thank you for your encouraging comment. You made my day.


kellymom1970 profile image

kellymom1970 5 years ago

Amy Becherer, This is not my picture it's a style poster. I do have the same cut. I will post my picture soon this is for a female hubber who is thinking about getting a flattop herself. I would love to see you with one!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK

Whether its love or loathing, desire or despair, anger or aspirations - you rock with the way your poetry flows. There's something magical, musical and magnetic in your verse. No wonder there are so many admirers but I will jostle them all to be your number one fan. Scary, but true. Love your words and your spirit.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I am so happy to see your handsome face, Docmo. Your visit and words put me on level, Cloud 9. No jostling necessary, for you will always carry a special place in my heart. I trust all is well in your life and treasure the reassurance your visit brings me. I am sending love across the miles to you always.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Amy, glad I could make your day brighter!


Winsome profile image

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hi Amy, stellar writing, sorry about the theme, but as someone said, all it takes to be happy is to find something to be excited about.

When life gives you a rue, make Jambalaya! =:)

P.S. Keep your lovely hair.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Winsome, Jambalaya sounds perfect on a cold, windy day in St. Louis. It was 30 degrees this morning, but the sun is out now and the weekend sounds promising. Matt Lauer as in "where in the world is he" spent his final day of the vacation junket in Barbados. Now that's the ticket of where to be having jambalaya!

This last year has been so chaotic with constant change, I can't even bear the thought of making the decision to cut my hair. One of the first things I'm going to do as soon as I get more than my Letter to the Editor published in Vogue (November), "hope springs eternal", I'm going full-fledged blond again and trusting my favorite hair stylist to make me look hot. I'm long overdue!

Thank you, Winsome,for gracing my space with your handsome face and uplifting words.


Springboard profile image

Springboard 5 years ago from Wisconsin

Perhaps regret and sorrow are more capitulation. I do look back on some things and think or wish I could have taken a different path, avoided certain mistakes, and made better judgements.

Still, who I am today is a direct result of who I was. And for me, I'm okay with that. Every activity, good or bad, is a building block. Every mistake or misjudement and opportunity. One thing is true about life and that's that there is always time. Though short, and though it's unpredictable how much time we have, so long as I wake up tomorrow I can make it a better day and make myself a better person than I was yesterday.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

We all continue to evolve as long as we are alive. I believe the economic straits are beyond what most have ever experienced. My layoff took me from disbelief, depression, numbness to anger to accepting it for what it is. Without the anger, I'd have given up. It doesn't fall into the category of consequences for what I did. I had received the best annual review I'd ever achieved just two-weeks before the company kicked me to the curb.

Occupy Wall Street is a whole movement of many who have chosen to gather their voices. No longer willing to fade into the shadows, or just go away, their anger is justified. Now, they are being run out, pepper-sprayed man-handled and arrested. I spent 13-years at my job in downtown STL and saw many incidents of city officials attempt to make the homeless invisible. Once, the police gathered them up, took their prescription medications for heart disease, diabetes and other health conditions and dumpstered them after running them off. Some things that happen to people, that are "done" to people, more than cause them to change, they necessitate it for survival. When the issues are foreclosures, joblessness, homelessness, health care and eating, our leaders need to tread carefully. The numbers in the streets, now protesting peacefully, are mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore. Whatever happens, as for every action there is a reaction, will be a result of the choices made by those in charge. The tent cities in every city are being dismantled, but I wonder, as savings disappear and the homeless numbers increase with shelters full, if all cities won't be host to many tent cities? Even the beaches of Hawaii now have many tents where the new destitute call home. There are circumstances that call for desperate measures, when there are no other options, when people are reduced to strays.

Thank you, Springboard, for your compelling, though-provoking commentary. Your words fired my neurons.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well Amy's back in the house and it took the epi-man 9 bloody mother-fooking days to figure it out - lol - well better late than never for the lazy epi-man who's sporting a brand new crew cut of his own (ladies and gentlemen this is an old picture - even the cat got shaved) ....and yes some things never change 'round here - everybody STILL loves Amy - her writing is STILL world class - and even her long lost cousin BOB made time to pay a visit - yes sir there is no moss on a rolling stone - and there's no moss on Amy either - looks like she's still rolling with those poetic punches and it's always a thrill to see and read.

lake erie time ontario canada 4:09pm


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Colin, you always make me chuckle with your clever wit. A brilliant eloquent man that can cuss as well as me! There's a lot to be said about being real as well as "real brilliant". You got it, Colin. Thank you for giving me your time, attention, laughter and the courage to keep pressing on.


Astra Nomik profile image

Astra Nomik 4 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

This is pure awesome writing. prime meat and powerful and well cooked. LOL. You have the guts to follow your heart and say it all with a great panache. I wish more hubbers could do that.

I am smiling at some of the comments, especially Colin who's shaved cat deserves a response but sadly it would not be pg-13, so I won't indulge. LOL. I noticed there's many references to hair in this comment area. Heh.

Great hub as always. :)


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Dear Astra, You made my day with your beautiful, well said commentary. Yeah, the hair commentary is an off shoot that has no relevance to my piece. Just some nice ladies who look great in a flattop trying to convince me to bite the bullet. Alas, my dream is extensions...just like me...following my own direction. Maybe when I get my tax refund?

Thanks for your time, Astra. I appreciate your words.


sligobay profile image

sligobay 4 years ago from east of the equator

Hi Amy: Struggling to survive with telemarketing work and learn internet marketing keeps me away from Hub Pages but I can identify with the desperation and despondence of financial insecurity as we age and are unwanted by the same market which consumed my youth. We are all in this huge boat which has taken on water and is flounderintg. Great Poem, my dear.


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Greetings, sligobay, my brave warrier friend. The news in Greece sounds ominous today, with our stock market reflecting the news. I have no trust in our gov't now, believing none of what I hear and only snippets of what I see. I no longer look to today's leaders for making things better. Its each man for himself. Survival of the fittest will prevail. God help us all.

I am very happy to hear from you, my brilliant, honest friend. I admire and love you to pieces. Stay well and keep in touch.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

I read this one today and I'm hoping the winter has turned to spring for you dear Amy. This one really tells a tale of despair and grief and sadness. Here is a smile from me and the genuine wish that you find someone worthy of someone of your intelligence and your kind, loving and generous nature.

"Shake if off, look up, see the skies familiar hue." Hugs, Peg


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

The winter of my discontent, Peg, and I remember it well. It started me on a course of numbness, anger, outrage, depression that, in time, rose to dealing with reality, hope, growth, independence resilence and more self-confidence than I'd have ever known without that cascade of events I thought would level me. When I shook off the fog and saw that my so-called friends here had beat a path for the hills, I knew I was on my own to sink or swim. I made it, Peg. In the process, I became more discerning about empty promises, bloated egos and users. I can't fake it anymore and I don't want to pretend something is o.k., when it's not. My tolerance for bullshit is zilch now. Smilin' Amy has left the building. I still smile, but only sincerely, when it feels right to me. Sink or swim...If I was competing, I'd be doing the butterfly! Love you, Peg

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