Two Years: A Refelection

Ivy Door - Sharon Foster
Ivy Door - Sharon Foster | Source

Explanation

When I was first writing this hub page...I had a completely different thing in mind..it was a short story...

Instead I'm dedicating it to all of you and my family and friends in my everyday life - You are my hope and inspiration. <3

Two Years - Thank You!

Goodbye 2011 I’ve had quite enough of you.

One of the hardest years of my life on record, and I don’t suppose you’ll go away quietly either.

Actually, it wasn’t all your fault.

It started long before you were born; let’s say 2008.

Yes, that’s when things started to really go wrong with my health, and impacted my job

My independence was threatened and then taken away

My heart would be put through so many tests and trials

My strength and courage was tested to the limits

I was pushed and pulled in so many directions, some times I didn’t know which way was up.

Then in 2010, it all steadily rolled downhill for me

My world collapsed as I knew it

Hospitals, medication, learning to walk again

Physical therapy, every week doctor visits

Money going out and sometimes no money coming in

It wasn’t all bad

Yes, my heart was broken so many times

Love walked out of my life like I was nothing, left me feeling useless, worthless and unloved,

But when a door closes, a window opens

My darkness was suddenly flooded with the light of my true friends and family

Who lifted me up and gave me the strength to keep pushing on

No matter what the obstacle, we pushed through it.

Now, pushing is a way of life.

Can’t isn’t in my vocabulary any more,

Neither is ‘won’t’ unless it comes to defining my boundaries

With so many strong role models and angels to look up to, how can I let them down by giving up?

No, I keep going because they believe in me more than I do.

I keep reaching because they know I can do it and have convinced me too.

Their faith has rekindled mine, their love has reminded me that I am not alone.

I never would have made it without them.

But 2011, I’m ready to let you go and face whatever obstacles still lie ahead for me in 2012

I know it isn’t going to be smooth sailing, but I know how to handle that boat now.

I know it won’t be all roses, but I’ve been tending the garden, and there are all sorts of

Beautiful flowers buried in that soil just waiting for spring.

I don’t see myself alone in this world anymore, searching for meaning and destiny

I see myself climbing a stairway and stopping on the landings in between

To gaze out over where I’ve been and who has helped me get this far

I smile and turn to the stair with the strength and will to keep climbing….

One day I’ll reach the floor that has the path to my life’s goal.

I just haven’t seen it yet.

I’m so lucky and grateful for all of you

For sharing my world and being my friends these last two years

I love you and thank you for your inspiration and prayers.

I hope that this year yields more Sunshine and less rain.

For all of us.



corrected error

*note: for those who commented before 12-17-2011 0120 - I deleted the end of this as you will note - it was actually a mistake on my part. I wrote this very late in MSWord last night, (overwriting a file and renaming it) and accidentally copied part of the file that I was overwriting. What I deleted was the end of the poem "The Man Beneath the Roots " another one of my hubs. I'm sorry for that.

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Comments 30 comments

Ghaelach 4 years ago

morning Erin.

An amazing story and poem.

When something so cruel happens as with yourself it's nice to have friends as here at HP. What i feel is that your friends at HP know of you only through your writing and more often then not don't know you personally. You can open up in your writing where as talking direct to family members one tends to hold back a bit.

Not all men are the same and Mr right is out there. After my first marrage broke up it took me eleven years before i met my second wife and that was over twenty years ago and she herself had waited 20 years for this English man to go over to Germany. So things don't happen overnight.

Take care Erin and have a wonderful day.

LOL Ghaelach


Mommy 4 years ago

Erin, great article!!! You are amazing considering that you've been through the past couple of years!!! Only happiness and success awaits you and the world is yours for the taking. Love you always, Mom and Dad


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Beautiful Erin. Your poetry touches me deeply. You have risen to new heights in your recovery. You are an accomplished writer and a gifted poet. ( You've come a long way Baby ) Best Wishes My Friend and have a Merry Christmas...


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

With this beautiful expressive hub, Erin, you have become to me a symbol of hope and determination. Never let up, never give in. God bless.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 4 years ago

Erin, my heart is sad and yet I rejoice in you as a woman of strength, determination, courage and a HUGE heart and poetic soul. I have admired you as a person and poet from afar, you move me with your words, your soul speaks through your Quill as mine does as well.

Continue to use your gift and let your Muse spin the magic that you create and lay down on white here for us to read and be filled. Your passion flows through you Erin and you are truly gifted with verse. I wish for you only happiness, healthy and joy. May you find it, hang on to it and share it with others.

Peace and blessings to you my poetic friend and may you have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Hugs from the Saddle.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Erin - what a great story of courage, strength and perseverance. That it is your strength, courage and perseverance just adds to the message we can all take from it. Your talents and attitude will carry you far. From my family to you and yours, may you have the most joyous Christmas.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Ghaelach,

Thank you so much for your comments, I loved your story. Don't worry, I haven't closed my heart or mind to any possibility and my story, I'm sure, will have many twists and turns in it yet. Love is an integral part of life - I know it will happen when it happens for me again :) I'm just not rushing it. Thanks for your inspiration though!

I love men, half of my best friends are men :)

Take care and have a wonderful holiday,

Erin


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Mom and Dad,

Everyone should know that you are the two people who keep pulling me through - who stayed up those long hours and last summer when it was the worst after the hospital - I was at Mom and Dad's. I am so lucky to still have you here in my life and to have you care for me the way you do. I love you forever and know that it goes both ways, I'm always here to care for you too.

Love Always,

Erin


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

Hey Erin, I'm very happy to see you are still with us(Hubpages and company). It's always a pleasure to see you and hear your thoughts. Drawing strength from unknown places or people is always a good thing. May you continue to draw strength from your friends and family here on HubPages. :) More power to you and I have faith in you. I'm sure you'll rise above the fold. :) Voted up! :)


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Ruby, my beautiful sister - you've been with me through it all too - as most of my friends here on hubpages. One of the ones I think of when I think of my bright little circle/hub. You took me dancing when I could barely walk! When I was still in so much pain and seeing these doctors, you gave me a BMW and took me to VEGAS. Sweetheart, you even gave me a wild time at WOODSTOCK! How could you possibly know how much that lifted me when I was down? Was one of those trips Martie or Fossillady that wrote it? You must remind me...I was on so much medication...but it all meant so much. And we grooved with Nell and Epi. Visited Mike's cafe... I'm just waiting to see where we go next...

Love you! Erin


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

drbj,

thanks so much for visiting me again and for leaving such a beautiful comment. I won't give up, or give in - I found out that its just not in my nature, I'm too stubborn, and I have this habit of thinking that success is imminent eventually. It just has to be. I don't know why I think that, I guess that's what faith is, you just know and you don't need answers. Like Nike, I just do it. Have a wonderful holiday! Love, Erin


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Erin, this hub of yours pulled my tears and brought forth memories of similar disastrous years in my life.

Our minds are indeed like a garden. We plant the trees and the shrubs we chose, Life sows weed as far as we go and we have to get rid of it daily or else…. Figure a garden that doesn’t get weed. It is hard-hard work to create and maintain a beautiful ‘garden’.

My wish for you is all the strength and courage you need to make your garden beautiful and delightful. Pull out all weed, roots and all, and cover the bare ground with blooming greens.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Ken,

Thank you for your beautiful words, my friend. I think we have a mutual admiration of each other's work then - you know how much I love reading through your words, and they strike my heart so deeply. We share so much from our past. I have your first book on my Kindle. I hope one day to have one of my collections published as well, you're my inspiration.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas and a bright New Year, Erin


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

mckbirdbks,

thanks so much for the comment; i think we all have the hope of just reaching someone with our writing and making some kind of difference. If I could make a difference to someone and give them that courage and perseverance - then everything would be worth it.

thanks for your encouraging words.

i wish you and your family a lovely holiday and a bright and happy new year too! Erin


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

cagsil, thank you for your comment, faith and votes, my friend. i'm still here, I just am back in college so I've been unable to be writing as much as I would like. Creatively anyway - I am writing constantly in my classes!

Take care, have a lovely Christmas and a beautiful new year! Erin


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Dear Martie,

What a lovely metaphor! I do think its true, it takes hard work and constant caring to make life into the beautiful garden we want to linger in and invite others to share. I feel sorry for anyone who is ashamed of any weeds in their garden that they can't get rid of themselves, and who haven't asked for help from friends and family. Sometimes it takes us all working together in each other's gardens to make them all glow brightly! Happy holidays my friend, and may your new year be full of bright blessings! Erin


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Dear Erin, what an incredible writing of strength and courage, your poem touched me deeply

'I know it won’t be all roses, but I’ve been tending the garden, and there are all sorts of Beautiful flowers buried in that soil just waiting for spring' I think these words are so beautiful, I just want to pick up my trowel and be there with you, helping you...

Please know my friend we're here if you need us.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a happier 2012, best wishes MM


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Movie Master, I wish I did have a big house with a real garden and you could all come at different times to sit and visit for a while and we could all tend to a garden of our poetic souls. I wonder what would come of it? My life would be perfect. To have a place with visitors dropping by and we'd talk and write, and sit on the back porch and enjoy tea and breakfast...(I love to cook for friends!) If I ever make it big with a book or in my job, that's exactly what I will have.

I wish you a beautiful Christmas and a bright and happy New Year!

love and hugs, Erin


Genna East profile image

Genna East 4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Your courage, integrity and grace equal your unique poetry. You are a woman of courage, of faith, and of love. Such determination is inspirational to us all. I am so pleased that you are still with us on the Hub so that we are able to share in your recovery, your words of hope and joie de vivre! It is an honor to “know” you, my friend. :-)


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Genna,

Thank you for your kind words; that makes my day - that is always the kind of woman I always dreamed I'd grow up to be. Despite all life threw at me, I wanted to be a role model and teacher - and I think we all are through our writing. I read your writing and I can feel your strength, passion and aliveness, - I love the phrase "joie de vivre!" That's exactly what it is!

Have a beautiful holiday season!

It is an honor to know you as well!

love, Erin


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

I Love that you ended your "Two Year Reflections" on an UPBeat line Erin. You are a True Survivor, and I predict that Life will be Good for you in the near, very near Future.

Congratulations on being here on Hub Pages for Two years of very Talented Writings, which I've so Enjoyed and may we share many, many, more years together here on Hub Pages!


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Beautiful. You have shown such immense courage.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden

What a beautiful way to tell your story, the words goes straight in and your difficult time and your great courage and fighter spirit is an inspiration to me. I hope that the next year will be better for you. Congrats to the two years here, I am so grateful that I have met you!

Best wishes, Tina


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

b. malin, thanks so much for your great comment! I'm feeling good about the future, and I'm getting a good feeling about all of us! I think 2012 is going to be a great year, even though the Mayans ended the calendar there.

I hope you are having a marvelous Christmas at the beach and wish you a wonderful new year!


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

acaetnna, how lovely to see you here! if anyone can bring love to my page, it is you, my friend. Have a lovely holiday!


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Tina, I'm so glad to have met you too, my friend. I couldn't have spent my two years in any better way - what a wonderful way to mark the passage of time. We've all shared our stories of courage, strength, healing and love - I have learned so much from all of you. Most of all, I've learned to smile and laugh. Have a bright and wonderful holiday season!

Erin


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Happy Christmas Erin - you are a star and shine so brightly, may all your wishes come true in 2012 - Happy Christmas my friend.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Happy Christmas Acaetnna, and a beautiful New Year, my friend!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, Erin, you are such a brave lady, and I hope everything goes well for you this year, I know you will get where you want to and your strength always shines through, take it easy, and have a great New Year!


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 4 years ago from Maryland Author

Thank you Nell, I think this year we will all find our selves having a great New Year!

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