Funny Quotes About the Bible

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

-George Carlin

***

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

-Mark Twain

***

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

-Gilbert K. Chesterton

***

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with.

- Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor)

***

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.

-Kin Hubbard

***

More people are troubled by what is plain in Scripture than by what is obscure.

-Roy L. Smith

***

If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments-we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

-Sir Malcolm Bradbury

***

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

-Elayne Boosler

***

Why do they put the Gideon bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late?

-Christopher Morley

***

The Bible and several other self help or enlightenment books cite the Seven Deadly Sins. They are: pride, greed, lust, envy, wrath, sloth, and gluttony. That pretty much covers everything that we do, that is sinful... or fun for that matter.

-Dave Mustaine

More by this Author

  • 100 Song's Best Lines
    36

    1 All lies and jest, still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. - Simon and Garfunkel, The Boxer 2 All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars. - Rush, The Pass 3...

  • "The Pocket Taser, Stun Gun Story"
    6

    I love this story, the writing style is what makes this story so amusing. It kind of reminds me of Dave Barry. You gotta love the Garfield-esque comments from the cat. "Pocket Taser Stun Gun: a great gift for the...

  • The Legend of Codex Gigas or "The Devil's Bible"
    34

    The pages are allegedly made from the skins of 160 donkeys, the Codex Gigas, is the world's largest and the most mysterious medieval manuscript. According to the Codex legend, this disturbingly beautiful text sprang...


Comments 5 comments

t.keeley profile image

t.keeley 8 years ago from Seattle, WA

Hilarious!


Jean's Corner profile image

Jean's Corner 8 years ago from Harrisburg North Carolina

This is funny stuff!


Cyprian Kisopia 7 years ago

Good Stuff!!! Absolutely true


lord lahj 6 years ago

real fun, please keep uploading more


stifny 6 years ago

shame on u. how dare u right such a shit about HOLY BIBLE.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working