Conversation Pieces I

By: Wayne Brown

What’s zat ya say? Ya can’t figure that in yore head? Why hell nawh you can’t. You’s dumber than a sack full of hammers all the way through school. Now maybe you’ll see where it woulda paid off if you’d put yore mind to it, boy. Ya getting’ ya come uppance, I reckon. If ya don’t put anything in that head, how you gonna get anything out?

Do what? Listen heh, boy, you don’t talk to me like that. I ain’t kissin’ nothin’ anywhere on your body. Now, if you want yore ass kicked, I spec’d I’m just the man for it. Now, you shut yore smart-ass mouth or get on down the road. You only comes around here when you lookin’ for money anyway. You don’t care a lick for ya mama and me. We’s just a damn bank for you. But that’s a fixin’ to stop. Yore gonna get off your ass and go to work.

Can’t find a job, my ass! You don’t wanna work, boy. You think someone is gonna make you some kind of big executive and buy you a Cadillac or somethin’. Hell, you got to work if you gonna make it in this world. A little hard work never hurt nobody but you run from it like you gonna catch somethin’. Work ain’t no disease, boy, it’s an opportunity. Get out thar and do some of it and pull ya damn weight in the world.

Back when I’s your age, I could work four or five good men in the ground and then come back and do it again the next day. We took pride in gettin’ a little sweat on our brow back then, son. That’s why real men carry a handkerchief in their back pocket so’s they can wipe the sweat from their face and head. Hell, the only thing you ever sweated was the small stuff. What a waste of damn time!

I’ll tell ya what happened. That mama of yourn done let you go soft. I told her and told her and told her to put your ass out there workin’ when you was young so’s you’d know. So’s you’d grow into it. But, no, she coddled your ass and let you sit up here in the shade while we busted our humps to feed ya all these years. Now look at ya, you’s full of dreams and bullshit and ain’t none got nothin’ to do with makin’ a livin’.

What’s that? Aw, don’t start with all that goin’ to Nashville crap to get on the Grand Ol’ Opry. Ya damn fool! Ya don’t know nobody up thar. You’s just sittin’ here blowin’ smoke up your own ass. Well, I’m here to tell right now, you ain’t blowin’ none up my breeches. You need to be sellin’ that stuff to those dumb-ass friends of yourn down at the tavern. Maybe they’ll let you sang ‘em a song too!

That damn ol’ guitar of yourn’ is about half-ass out of tune most of the time that you is playin’ it. You ain’t got no ear for music. Hell, you can’t whistle Dixie, that’d be too much work. Dreamin’, dreamin’, dreamin’. You’s a dreamin and we’s a tryin’ to scratch out a livin’. Well you keep a dreamin’ boy, Ya dream in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up the fastest.

I already told you not to talk to me like that. I’ll kick yore ass to Nashville if you say one more damn word. And don’t look at me like that. You just get that cowboy hat of yourn and get the hell out of my house. Don’t come back, we don’t need no guitar pickin’ dreamer with his feet under the table. Me and ya mama don’t need it. Now go on, get the hell out!

(Copyright) WBrown2010


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Comments 20 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 6 years ago

What language is this, I'm a Brooklyn gal?


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

That's kind of a cross of Southern Slang and Texas Jargon!


thevoice profile image

thevoice 6 years ago from carthage ill

very unique hub read


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

They say there is two sides to every story but in this case, we only get to hear one! Thanks Voice!


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

I was thinking it might end with him saying, "Now get out of here, Johnny Cash, I'm done with you."

I'm sure many, many famous musicians have heard a similar speech.

Loved this one!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

Yeah, I saw it as that one sided conversation that we probably all heard in some form at one time or other. I'm guessin' this boy never got much positive influence from the old man. On the other hand, maybe there was lot of truth in what the old man had to say...the reader will have to decide.


lalesu profile image

lalesu 6 years ago from south of the Mason-Dixon

Dang! that was the easiest hub I've ever read. Breezed right through it. Of course, it did take me years to work the phrase "over yonder" out of my vocabulary. I suppose now I'll have to be extra cautious not to let it slip back in, lol. Clever and entertaining, my friend!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

Well, I'm just right proud you done come over heuh to read my stuff Miss Laura. Tryin' to write in character is lots of fun...takes me back to my roots. Thanks for coming by. Stop in tomorrow...got a poem for ya!


lalesu profile image

lalesu 6 years ago from south of the Mason-Dixon

It will be my pleasure.


Ken R. Abell profile image

Ken R. Abell 6 years ago from ON THE ROAD

The old guy's a great character--a killer of dreams. Appreciated his voice...likely because I've heard a variation of it from time to time.

Thanks for a good read.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

Life gives us a lot of characters if we just for watch them. Thanks for coming by, Ken!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Nice job, yea Im familiar with that jargon. I've known a geezer like that once or twice. I think I may have a couple in my family. Nice.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks, LadyJane! I have certainly ran into him a few times.


Al Bell 6 years ago

Do you know what cowboy hats and hemorrhoids have in common?

Sooner or later every asshole has one. Good job. I could hear my own pap talkin.


Sheree09 profile image

Sheree09 6 years ago

I think everyone in the world can relate to this whether it be because you have heard it this way or told it this way.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

This is exactly how we speak many days to our ‘selves’; we are too often not an adult, but a child, not a realis, but a dreamer. I read this hub smiling all the way, and I hope that that guitar pickin’ dreamer with his feet under the table still lives healthy and happily in you. I loved the old man’s language. Strange how jargon change in all cultures from generation to generation without loosing uniqueness.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas Author

@MartieCoetser...There's an interesting conflict going on here that revolves around the old man's low opinion of the boy and boy's own inability to acomplish much of anything. It leaves the reader to decide whether or not the boy has embraced to attitude of the old man and deep inside believes that he is a failure. Relationships are complex and when you mix generational differences they get even worse. Thanks for the read and the comments! WB


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Wayne Brown – I can clearly see the conflict, and I believe we all have this old man/woman and little boy/girl in us. From a very early age we expect great achievements. I was 5 when I cried my eyes out because I came 2nd and not 1st in a race, and since then (and even before) I was heartbroken and angry at myself when I was not 1st in any kind of competition. Of course nobody knew this; one learns quickly how to handle failures with dignity. We are born with an urge to compete and to win, to be the best; Life teach us that we are not the best in everything we do, and we have to come to terms with this (sad :-)) fact. But the competitor in us, a selfish spirit striving to be king/queen – or perhaps God – or merely that (perfect) father/mother image in our minds, does not die. I will always believe that I could have been better if I tried a little harder. Or perhaps I’ll outgrow this masochistic orientation before I die. I don’t know? Anyway, this is my thoughts about this issue. Thanks for replying on my comment.


ginjill ashberry profile image

ginjill ashberry 10 months ago

Very much like my late grandpa's way of giving a piece of his mind. He has passed peacefully from nearly 8 years of paralysis due to a second stroke. He was in his late 80's. When he couldn't speak any longer he could only grin and flash a smiling eyes while he use his only able hand to squeeze yours, when he feels glad or humored or expresses his hugs. When he tries to soothe you or gives you courage or agree with ou, much of the same.. Cause that was very much the little he can still do but you have to look into his eyes to see what's there.. It shows..his emotions. When he could still speak, our big family, a clan really, dreaded when he is in the mood, grandma calls it moon illness, he can nag from morning to night to dawn. Beneath all of that, he was a man. A real man, my grandfather. He raised 9 children and myself. Gives up more than half his salary as a carpenter to make me, a sickly infant healthy and alive. It was mentioned by many who knew him that there are rare such a man as hard working and skilled as my grandpa. Before he was bed ridden, he would be the gardener, the knife sharpener, the builder to his children and their families as he visits. He works just after breakfast at dawn and returned just by twilight, and carry on with his many skills in the house. He is a person who understood, time is gold. He can not tolerate laziness or excuse or disrespect. He passed days before Christmas of 2015. I had dreams for us. For him and grandma and me as the first grandchild which they cherish and sacrificed much for even when I was an adopted one. I procrastinate..I didn't have the chance to live it with them now. If there was one consolation to my regrets; grandpa must have known I love him. I had the chance to wait on him and I had that heart to heart with him. Thank you sir, for this hub.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 10 months ago from Texas Author

You are so very welcome. I am glad that I could be a part of stirring those memories of a strong-willed person who never quit as long as it was in his power to provide--that is real love. ~WB

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