Conversations with My Grandmother

If I had to choose two age groups that I am drawn to that would be a no brainer. I love children and the elderly. Both groups speak their minds; one because they know no better and the other because they know way too much and have been through it all. I have much respect for the elderly and I love hearing stories about them and from them. I recently heard about an elderly friend of the family that turned 90 and at her birthday she danced the Electric Slide that was simply amazing to me and also warmed my heart. The elderly have so much to share and I am just the one to sit down and listen. I think that my views of the elderly is why I was so close to my grandmother she had amazing life stories because she was truly an exceptional person. My grandmother was born in Vienna, Austria and then came to the United States where she and her husband built a life for their three daughters, the youngest of which is my mother. My grandmother was a very funny person although she didn’t always try to be. She was funny because she was honest and told it like it was and that can be hilarious at times.

When I think back to the times I had with my grandmother there are so many times that make me miss her and just as many that make me chuckle to myself. Now my grandmother did not have a one tracked mind at all (she was a bit more versatile than that) it just so happens that most of these conversations had sex or sexuality as a theme. This may be solely due to the fact that an 80 year old woman speaking honestly about the topic of sex can be funny.

  1. BI-SEXUAL – One time I went out to lunch with my Grandmother we were talking about everything going on in the world and in my life. There was nothing spectacular going on at that time I was just happy to be with my grandmother. So we sat and talked. At the restaurant the tables were really close together and the restaurant was full. We were having a great time talking and laughing. At one point in the conversation my grandmother said something in German to me and I told her what I thought she said. My translation must have been dead on because she screamed out excitedly and loudly, “That’s right I didn’t know you were bisexual!” At that moment everything stopped as everyone in the restaurant was staring at our table. So I responded quietly, “That would be bilingual not bisexual.” “Oh yeah that’s right silly me!” she laughed as I was turning beet red and laughing too.
  2. THE MILKMAN – One day I went over to my grandmother’s house to visit, I did this often because my parents lived a block away from her house and my aunt (my mother’s eldest sister) lived next door to my grandmother. I loved going to visit my grandmother; I had my own key because after all I was her favorite granddaughter (ok, truth be told I was her only granddaughter). I would go to check on her, to help her out or just to sit around and talk to her. This day she was in rare form she was in her late 80’s and still ornery as ever which made me love her even more. We were talking about old times, my grandfather who I never knew and what her kids were like growing up (she had three daughters all completely different personalities). While I was talking to her I realized that my mother was the only one in her family that had green eyes. My grandmother and her two older daughters have blue eyes and I knew that my grandfather had brown eyes because everyone says I have eyes like his; big and brown. I mentioned to my grandmother that my mother has green eyes and without skipping a beat she smiled and said, “I know it was the milkman.” I was shocked and had to think about it for a moment. She was joking. Right?
  3. GOOD SEX – My husband also used to go visit my grandmother all the time. At the time we were dating and not married. My grandmother had a house full of people and was talking to my husband about the two of us getting married. The conversation started off innocently enough. I should say that my husband is rarely ever embarrassed or taken aback by anything. Let’s just say he has had a very interesting past and has seen just about anything a person could see. But this has got to be one of those times where he was slightly embarrassed and a little shocked by my grandmother’s question. So while everyone was there and she was giving him grandmotherly advice she turned to him with a very serious look on her face and said, “Is the sex good?” My husband was speechless and laughed nervously (I am so glad I wasn’t there I would have died on the spot). Of course he still hasn’t told me what his response was but at this point I still don’t think I want to know.
  4. BAD SEX – When I was in college my grandmother came down to Santa Barbara for a visit. She took me and my roommates out to lunch and my roommates thought that she was hilarious because she was. She had a great sense of humor but her humor was more based in truth. She said it how it was and that was funny. We had a great discussion my grandmother learned about my roommates and they learned a lot about her. On the ride home my grandmother thought it was necessary to give us all some advice. Her parting words I will never forget, “The only bad sex is no sex.” How can you argue with a 70 year old woman?
  5. MAKE LOVE NOT WAR – My grandmother was a peace activist always fighting for others rights. She was all about peace in the world and I loved her for her tenacity. When I got married she made a toast, a toast similar to the toast she made at my mother’s wedding to my father. The end of the toast has always been my favorite after hearing about it for years and years it was simply, “Go make love not war!”

I love my grandmother very much and miss her everyday. She was truly one of a kind. The memories that I have of her are so hilarious that all I can do is smile and laugh at the thought of her.

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Comments 33 comments

Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Thankyou for sharing your wonderful grandmother with us. She was a real character -- funny and oh-so-wise.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Thank you Teresa! She was a real character when she spoke you listened.


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Your grandmother has a lot of guts to say anything!? I enjoy hearing the whole story and funny omg moments. Now whats with the milkman? tehehe


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

that was wonderful and I pray my grandkids have such fond memories of me...they tease me all the time...with some of the sayings I come up with...and I love every moment of it too. there is nothing like your grandchildren and the coming of the end of our life...it all happens so damn quickly...

And I am so sure your G-Ma loves you dearly to this day..I do..you are one of a kind...:O) Hugs


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

Now I know where you and your kids get it. She's probably the one who taught your daughter how to hotwire! Ha Ha!

I can't believe she asked your husband how the sex was?!?! I also can't believe you haven't forced his response from him!!


einron profile image

einron 7 years ago from Toronto, Ontario, CANADA

I love all the stories you write about your grandchildren and now about your grandma. It is deliciously hilarious! Please continue to write.


ReuVera profile image

ReuVera 7 years ago from USA

My Grandmother passed away when I was six, so I didn't have enough time with her to know her, except that I remember how much love was coming on me from her. And still, she had an impact on me, as I hear very often someone from a family quoting her. My son is luckier as his grandma (my mother practically helped me to raise him and had a really great influence on his character. He wrote an essay in High School about her, not about me :)

Thank you for sharing.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

She sounds like a real spitfire of a woman,

she gave me a good laugh as I can only imagine your husband's thoughts, she probably really enjoyed seeing him squirm for the answer.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

May - Yeah my grandmother was strong and gutsy. I really don't think that the milkman was involved or at least I hope not lol.

G-Ma - Thank you so much. I am sure you are a wonderful grandma it shows through in your writing and your actions. You are a truly special person.

LM - I wish my g-ma got to meet my kids, she knew I was having triplets but died before they were born. I do see her in my kids though (not sure whether to be scared or not lol). I couldnt believe she asked my hubby either but she confirmed it only so that she could embarrass me more. lol. I really really really don't want to even know how he answered. I would probably be even more embarrassed. He can keep that secret. lol

Einron - Thank you so much. These stories touch my heart and I am glad that others enjoy them.


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

See, I'd have to know. That's funny. It's kind of sad that she didn't get to meet the liitle ones, but it's great that she's carried on through them!


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

ReuVera - That is great that she still had such an impact on you that is truly important. How wonderfully lucky your son is to have both you and your mother in his life.

GT - Yeah she was a fireball. I would have hated to hear her ask the question but would have loved to see him squirm. He is always getting me doing silly stuff! I am certain that I don't want to know what his response was.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

LM - My hubby is such a nut I am certain he said something that was way TMI. Its a discussion that would have made me want to crawl under a table or something.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

One of a kind is right! You keep her memory alive so well TM - what a warm, fun hub!


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Shalini - Thank you so much. She is definitely alive in me.


ReuVera profile image

ReuVera 7 years ago from USA

TM, you have your Grandpas's brown eyes, so milkman has no hope here....:) Besides, brown and blue make green, you didn't know? LOL

Your Grandma was really something special!


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

ReuVera - So true I do have my grandpas eyes so I guess the Milkman is out for sure!! lol Thank you!


Amy G 7 years ago

lol! Sounds like she was quite a woman! I love the first one especially - how deliciously mortifying! And I've been to Vienna~ such a place probably couldn't produce a timid woman! Nice work.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

Yes, she does sound like a Jewel.

The comment about "bisexual" reminded me of the language malapropisms my German mother-in-law often made. She was in her late 40's when she began to learn English, so there were always confused words that caused us a lot of hilarity.

It took awhile for me to figure out that the "garbage toaster" was really the disposal.. and when she donated items to the "television army" it was actually the Salvation Army. There were others, but we never let her forget those.

Thanks for sharing some of her specialness with us.


ReuVera profile image

ReuVera 7 years ago from USA

haha, Rochelle, my american part of the family still picks on me for my early american life mishaps, like I called a Betty Boop doll Betty Crocker, or asked to wash my car downstairs too (meaning its bottom).


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Amy - I was mortified but could not stop laughing it was so funny. Yeah she was far from timid that's for sure.

Rochelle - That is hilarious. I can only imagine trying to figure out what she meant. lol

ReuVera - Thats so cute and funny lol.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Why is that we tend to lose our hohesty when we go from childhood to adulthood and get it back when we become old? Fscinating woman your gandmother was. Thanks for sharing this! :D

Btw, cute new picture of the triplets! :D


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Cris, Thank you very much. I have always wondered that myself. I think because as children we know no better than to be honest. When we are older we have been through too much to even care.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

TM

That's it! Now I shall sleep tonight with ease (i hate it when there's unfinished business - I'm a little OC like that! LOL) You are so wise :D


Nemingha profile image

Nemingha 7 years ago

It must be lovely to have had such a close and loving relationship with your grandparents to remember. I'm not sure why exactly but I never really knew either of mine. Great story.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Cris - Thanks not sure I am wise at all just a thought really. I think we should be so blunt and honest all the time but I guess its not always possible.

lovezan - Thank you very much.

Nemingha - I never knew one of my grandfathers because he died when my mother was young but I was close to my other grandparents and still have one grandmother that is alive that I try to call weekly. It is very lovely.


eaasi3574 7 years ago

Great job on this hub. I'll be visiting often to view your others.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Thank you very much eaasi !


GiftedGrandma profile image

GiftedGrandma 7 years ago from USA

I didn't have much time with my grandmother. The only thing that comes to mind is she hooked and braided rugs that were gorgeous. I was a child when she died. She had bad diabetes. Enjoy your family stories


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Thank you GG - Sorry to hear about your grandma, hopefully you have some of the rugs she made.


\Brenda Scully 7 years ago

Hi saw that you relate to the elderly and children, I agree totally, I say that all the time, though dont think I have ever heard anyone else actually come out with that statement... enjoyed this hub on grandma's...... look forward to reading more of your work,,,, and boy you have lots of advers around your work well done...


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Brenda - Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed.


TamCor profile image

TamCor 7 years ago from Ohio

I just joined HubPages, and this hub caught my attention right away...what a wonderful, wonderful grandmother you had, and what great stories!

I lost my own grandmother 5 years ago, and she was so much like yours--you never knew what was going to come out of her mouth, lol. But I loved her dearly, and miss her very much.

Thanks for bringing back great memories for me...


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

TamCor - Thank you very much. I hold on to these memories really tight as I am sure you do with yours.

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