A Matter of Differing Perspectives

Clatter

Ruckus

Commotion everywhere!

“All I want is some quiet. Is that too much to ask – just some peace and quiet?”

He slammed the door to his makeshift den and stuffed his fingers into his ears, which wasn’t an easy feat with all of that steam shooting out. Why was it every single time he sat down to read the paper, pay the bills or do some task that required concentration everyone in the blasted house decided it was time to romp, stomp, whine and make any other deafening noise they could produce?

A soft knock at the door, “No, I did not hear that. No one would dare ….” The knock came again, this time with more conviction. “WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT?”

Through the door, “It’s Pastor Jacobs, Jon. I – we – you asked me to come so we could go over the arrangements. If this isn’t a good time…”

Jon cussed under his breath and opened the door sporting what he hoped was a warm smile and welcomed the Pastor into the small room completely side-stepping his former outburst.

“Sit, sit, here let me move these things out of the chair.” He extended one hand as if to show the way and scooped up several newspapers and magazines with his other, cramming them into a box of miscellaneous junk that sat on the floor next to his desk. He dug through a stack of papers that hid the top of the desk and retrieved a folder, shoving it awkwardly toward Pastor Jacobs who was trying to avert his eyes from the lone copy of Hustler magazine that had fallen to the floor just in front of the chair as Jon had tried to tidy up. Jon’s gaze followed his and he swooped up the magazine starring at it as if it were a live serpent that had somehow crawled its way in. He fought through yet another pile of junk, found the overflowing trashcan and disposed of it with a display of great distaste.

The Pastor was reading the contents of the folder with focused attention and periodically a perplexed expression would cross his face followed by the tiniest up turn of the corners of his mouth. Jon wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and watched, silently, for what seemed like a much longer time than one would need to read the single sheet of paper. He tried to casually cross his legs but in doing so the chair that was sitting crooked on a folded area of the rug, tipped, almost spilling Jon right into the Pastor’s lap.

“Oh my GOD,” escaped from Jon’s mouth. ‘My God knows I tried to do my best with the writing of this, Pastor.”

Just as his mind had wandered to the thought that he would never want to play poker with this man of the cloth, a chuckle slipped from Pastor Jacob’s mouth and grew unapologetically into a full fledged laugh.

“Jon”, the pastor had regained his composure and looked kindly at the man whose funeral service he would some day soon be performing. “Jon, you may not be aware but I usually write the service I will be giving for the friends and family of the deceased and only needed some facts of birth place, genealogy and things of that nature which are usually provided by the family. In addition, I might make mention if there was a particular function or position the deceased held at the church and I can see where you had tried to tie that in … but, actually, well Jon, I’m not certain I could deliver a message with some of the content you have included.” He placed the paper back into the folder and offered it back with an apologetic smile.

Not knowing quite how to respond, Jon received the folder but remained seated as the Pastor bid him God’s blessings and closed the door quietly behind him. He sat for a long while before opening the folder and then began to read what he had written, having gone over it in his mind and remembering nothing objectionable. It read;

This great man Jon Albert Hanson was a model of the community, a pillar of the church and a beloved family man. He might not have come to church often but when he did, he always tried to make correct change out of the offering plate and if he ever made a mistake, he offers his apologies.

He was a loving man to many ladies of the community and married three of the fortunate, producing thirteen offspring, only two of which ended up incarcerated and one of those was on trumped up charges based on the Sheriff’s hatred of Jon ever since he found him and his wife in bed together. Jon, had prepared all of his children for possible imprisonment based on his extensive first hand knowledge from his own unfortunate incarcerations of his youth, but only those two took advantage of his teachings.

About town he was well known to many of the drinking establishments as a man who mostly paid his tab every payday. To any of those who ended up holding the bag because of his sudden demise, he offers his condolences. That goes for any of the grocers, utility companies and auto repair shops too.

So as we say goodbye to our dear friend and relative here, always remember his words of wisdom to every man. “If they don’t have your DNA, they can’t prove a damned thing.” And to his many loves, he says one final farewell and wants each of them to know they were the only one he ever really loved.

A couple of tears rolled down his face as he put the paper back into the folder and he was feeling pretty down until his ever working brain came up with the perfect solution.  Opening the door of his den, he called out to his youngest son, the one who graduated from the Middle School and brought him in to discuss the reading the boy would be given the honor to do at his daddy’s funeral.

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Comments 22 comments

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Whoa! This is good stuff! I love it.


LVidoni5 profile image

LVidoni5 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

This is great... a very clever read. I love how he's still defending himself even into death, how foolish. Oh priorites, some never get them in line.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Oh, this is so funny. Your imagination is truly blessed Pooh. This is pure fun and just an all around great read. The characters are finely developed and I love that unrepentant old rogue! Up, Up and Up!


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

I think it's the drugs the doctors make me take ... it's the only explanation I can come up with! ...lol SO glad you enjoyed it!!!


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Silly girl. That is why I drink wine:):)


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

I have an aversion to any sort of alcohol. I actually thing it's a psychological reaction from living with mean - very mean, alcoholics. I used to enjoy a Bailey's or two but I got to the point that even the smell of any liquor gives me an instant headache.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Alcohol just makes me more mellow.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

That's good and I realize there are trillions of people who drink responsibly and never become violent when they drink. I just happened upon a couple of them who were violent to begin with and drink lessened their self control.


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Wonderful hub all the way up to the end of Jon. GBY.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Ha Ha Ha - thanks stars! Love it when you stop by. Hope it's cooled of for you down there in LA. We finally got some relief and I'm trying to keep the house closed up as much as possible so as not to let the humidity back indoors. Makes for much more comfortable sleeping!


MysteriousOne profile image

MysteriousOne 5 years ago

Poohgranma....This is my first visit,and I must say,a most enjoyable one! I truly enjoyed this great little read.I shall be back for more! Voted up/awesome

Have a Blessed day!


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

I certainly appreciate that Mysterious One. God bless you as well!


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 5 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...good one!..thanks for the chuckle...ha ha ha


NotWiredThatWay profile image

NotWiredThatWay 5 years ago from New York

Pooh, This is definitely a vote up! I couldn't stop laughing from the time the pastor spotted the dirty magazine. A pillar of the church indeed! Very good...


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

SOH & NotWired Thanks to both of you fine ladies for coming by and reading my little hub. If it brought a laugh and a chuckle then i feel great too!


Sa`ge profile image

Sa`ge 5 years ago from Barefoot Island

Such an enjoyable read, I loved that ending of yours, such a beauty! voted all the way across the board. Lovely my dear :D


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Well thanks to you, so glad you enjoyed it.


KBowden profile image

KBowden 5 years ago from Arkansas

Very well written. To any talented writer's words, there is a certain "rhythm" that invites the reader in and guides them easily through. It's the breath that gives life to the reader's imagination.

You have a firm grasp of it, whether trained or natural. I look forward to reading more from you.

Epi has introduced me to a handful of amazing writers, here. He is, quite possibly, the friendliest man I've ever met, lol.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

He certainly IS! We have him as a mascot. No seriously, he is one of the most warm hearted and funny men I know. Thank you for taking the time to read my hub - it's not my usual genre, if I have one ... most of my writing is actually in the memoir section. Thank-you too for your generous compliment!


carriethomson profile image

carriethomson 5 years ago from United Kingdom

hi!! a very humorous and enjoyable hub... )


AudraLeigh 4 years ago

I have been reading a lot of hubs and always see at least one thing I like with all of them. Sometimes it is the picture, a poem, a quote. In this case, I became speechless. I sat for a moment before I commented. I don't know if I was overwhemed, or in just like...wow!/ It really made me think. I once said if I was going to die, I wanted to have my funeral before. I don't know if I could deal if I were the "character" in your piece having to ask the child to read that./ It is amazing what we learn and how people think of us really. Wonderful work, seriously.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 4 years ago from On the edge Author

Thanks much Audra - it was a kick to write.

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