Don't be Substandard

You can be above-standard

There's a lot of crud on the Internet and much of it is your fault. Herein I endeavor to lift you above the teeming masses. Stick with me for insightful insights relevant to publishing on this elite content repository. You might imagine yourself blossoming into a junior Hemingway but without crucial knowledge of HubPages inner-workings you will be a lone voice typing in the wilderness. You will end up substandard. Never will the online world find your unique arrangements of verbs and nouns. Put down that bear claw and follow me on our journey to acceptable HubPages compositions.

Your words will have more meaning when interspersed with images.
Your words will have more meaning when interspersed with images. | Source

Use High Quality Images

Frequent studies indicate human eyeballs want to read words interspersed with photos. An average brain quickly loses focus without bright shiny colors to distract. Indeed, words mean something but pictures take up space. Imagine how successful JK Rowling might have been if she tucked a few high resolution dragon snapshots into her manuscripts.

Look online for free images. Public repositories such as morguefile.com provide plenitudes. Enter virtually any topic into the search box: almost immediately you will find yourself accosted by high quality images guaranteed to sate HubPages 'bots.

Write with real authentic words and lots of them.
Write with real authentic words and lots of them. | Source

Write lots of words. Real words.

Long ago man figured out how to count words and that technology persists to this day. Your online compositions must adhere to well-defined length requirements lest your meaning become too concise. HubPages defines standard writing as consisting of at least 700 words. 699 word compositions fall short. 698 words are simply bogus. The medium is the message because the word count can be counted. Semantics evade computers but ciphering can be automated. Join the collective if you want to survive.

Plan to crank out voluminous volumes of stuff that passes the spell-checker. Whatever you do, don't position yourself as a modern-day Ogden Nash or ee cummings because the HubPages algorithms have no sense of humor. Your work will sink like a stone to unexplored depths of page rankings visited only by computer science students and people with dial-up modems. Break out a thesaurus: nothing else matters.

Build in a Poll

Your readers want to be asked what they think. After reading your sufficiently long composition they want nothing more than a pop quiz. Always cobble together one or more insightful questions designed to reinforce your writing without becoming obsequious or pedantic. The best questions reflect a deep meaning of your nuance and also add to your word count. I think.

You will learn that almost no one takes your poll but whoop, there it is. HubPages makes you a better writer by obligating you to develop curricula along with your writing. Indeed, Hemingway might still be drinking his breakfast from a gin bottle had he taken the time to append a few SAT questions at the end of Farewell to Arms.

Everyone loves flowers. A High Quality pic of flowers will make your readers happy/
Everyone loves flowers. A High Quality pic of flowers will make your readers happy/ | Source

I am pretty much done

As previously stated, 700 words matter but anything less will be digitally smacked down. To that end I continue perusing the pages of my mind and dumping it onto my keyboard.

Where does a general keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Obviously you and your human brain found the preceding joke humorous. A standard HubPages article is neither funny nor not-funny: funny can't be measured. Since funny cannot be measured, funny will never ever be a condition for publication. A computer can do some cool stuff but chuckling ain't one of them.

You might think you're funny. Your barbershop quartet might find you hilarious. Unfortunately, your computer can't figure it out. When submitting an article for publication, adhere to the rules as thoughtfully described here without regard to content. There is no such thing as a well-written article: there is only form and layout.

Thanks for reading

It's been fun writing to you. Enjoy your time on HubPages and don't take it too seriously. We're all doing the best we can. Some of us are innately substandard. We have no hope of becoming the writer our Mom always told us we would be. No amount of touch-typing will elevate us but we won't stop trying.

Take this handy poll

The best bee is

See results without voting

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Comments 10 comments

mpropp profile image

mpropp 21 months ago from Minnesota

I found this hub to be standard. Congrats! You pass...now my comment isn't long enough to boost me above a level 2, which some might consider substandard.. :)


nicomp profile image

nicomp 21 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@MPropp , keep commenting. You're Level Three in my book.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 21 months ago

I vote this hub, up, funny, useful, interesting but not beautiful!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 21 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@BreakfastPop, I'll take anything except substandard.


Muttface profile image

Muttface 20 months ago from Portugal

That joke had a chuckling effect on me!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 20 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Muttface You'll get over it if you read more of my work.


drbj profile image

drbj 20 months ago from south Florida

Thank you, Nicomp, for preparing this perspicacious and perspicuous primer pertaining to penning posts. I shall ever be grateful for it.

Only one question: what is a Sweat Bee?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 20 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@DrBJ A sweat bee is a little harmless bee, ostensibly attracted to sweat.


Muttface profile image

Muttface 20 months ago from Portugal

Can we eat them? They sound delicious!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 18 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Muttface, you can eat anything as long as Michelle Obama has added it to the school lunch list.

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