Dumb Poem Collection - # 145 through # 165

Is it all uphill, or am I imagining things?

If my fingers hold out and if the electric power company cooperates, here will appear (both by magic and by our good HubPages people) 21 more "Dumb Poems." These are destined to become a part of the next free eBook put together and sent to requestors by members of our "free eBook project." It is quite a bit of work to assemble all of the pieces, but it is also a great deal of fun for those of us working on our project and those of you who ask for and receive the free eBooks.

Here, then, are those next "Dumb" but funny poems.

Friday! It's McDonald's for dinner.
Friday! It's McDonald's for dinner.

# 145 - Weakdays

You! Get to work. It’s Monday.
This ain’t no weekend fun day.
So what if it exasperates,
brings head pain and debilitates?
By Tuesday, it’s a done day.

Tuesday’s a grind,
the worst, come to mind.
This week started wrong,
and today feels too long.
I may last until five, then unwind.

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday
(halfway now to payday.)
The boss is quiet.
Work’s now a riot.
"Thank God" is all I can say.

Thursday morning got here fast.
Today I’ll laugh about days past.
Today, tomorrow- then I win.
Another week I’ll have put in.
If only I can last.

Friday the winner –
an eight-hour spinner.
On my head I can do it.
Five whole days – never blew it.
Tonight, it’s McDonald’s for dinner!

Georges plant liked cities for lunch
Georges plant liked cities for lunch

# 146 - That’s no petunia

Houston was first and Chicago, last.
George’s plant ate both in a single repast.
When the plant turned to flower,
that was the hour
to leave for Antarctica - fast.

Workin' it out
Workin' it out

# 147 - Muscles and music

Atrophy is not for me.
I keep my muscles limber –
without chagrin, I violin
to hear its lovely timbre.

So, flabbies all, get on the ball.
Do pushups while you fiddle.
You’ll get tired, quite perspired,
and have music but no middle.

 

"Ring around the coachie..."
"Ring around the coachie..."

# 148 - The Houston Texans football team

The Texans are a so-so team.
They make me laugh and make me scream.
They thrive on losses,
scare their bosses.
They’re no better than they seem.

 

"We simply don't have extra money to toss around!"
"We simply don't have extra money to toss around!"

# 149 - You can bank on it

When building a bank
they start with the vault.
Then up go the walls
and a roof over all’t.

Then, in comes the banker
to sit on his chair
so’s to talk with loan-seekers
that congregate there.

As all of us know,
the best thought-out plea
never caused any banker
to part with the key.

So all sit there talking
and hoping for profit.
Bankers keep saying "No."
Clients pray that they'll stop it.

 

A Colorado hillside, hot days, cold nights
A Colorado hillside, hot days, cold nights

# 150 - There’s cold in them there hills

At night in Colorado, your nose will turn bright blue,
and, if your shoes have holes in them,
your feet will freeze off, too.

By day in Colorado, you’d think the sun were there,
a single foot away from you.
You feel well done, not rare.

But the people and their mountains do make a pretty sight,
so no matter if you’re cold or hot,
Colorado feels just right.

 

No sound to be found
No sound to be found

#151 - No second-guessing

There is a new clock on the tower;
quite correct as to minute and hour,
but no sound does it make,
so all think it a fake
at times earlier, later, or nower.

 

"You and your cursed meters!"
"You and your cursed meters!"

#152 - There’s the Devil to pay at the power company

"It’s hot down here," the devil said,
"My ears and tail are burning.
My biggest fear, my one great dread,
our cooler’s quit its churning."

"The smoke smell’s worse than ever before
in all of history.
I must now nurse my boiling store
of brimstone misery."

"Show me more pity," said devil, crying,
"I’ve even singed a horn.
I really think that you are trying
to roast me like an ear of corn."

"Oh, power people, restore my power.
I’ll pay your whole darn bill.
You'll get your cash within the hour.
Spend it here? You never will."


"Cry me a river..."
"Cry me a river..."

# 153 – Conservation

Water; water everywhere,
but none that’s fit to drink.
Pipes and faucets all stay bare.
Somewhere’s a missing link.

The angry mayor cries all day.
His tears add to the flow,
while, in the streets, the fishies play,
and steamship’s whistles blow.

Great fountains arch across Main Street,
cleaning grime from soggy buses,
Yet, in his office, dry and neat,
our distraught mayor fusses.

Down the street at the waterworks
the phones come off the wall.
Repairmen wait while coffee perks,
or for any handy stall.

"Mayor, sir, when you get to it,
please get those puddles drying.
Each pipe break lets much water through it.
Dry things up, and quit your crying."

Who's that Netanyahu guy, anyway?
Who's that Netanyahu guy, anyway?

# 154 - The establishment of the Egyptian and Israeli Peace Accord - 1979

"No progress acknowledged," quotes leader, Mubarack,
"Israel gave up nothing. They said 'Hosni, go back.’
Doggone it, you guys, I paid my own way
to your strange little country over here where you stay.
If we can't do business, just pay my dough back,
and to make me feel better, quit your verbal attack.
Just get off of my Gaza and down from those Heights.
Then we'd stop all this yakking and start no more fights.
You ripped up my army when we weren’t looking,
so I’m telling you now, quit your stalling – get cooking.
Grand gestures are fine, but your stubbornness stinks
Do you think that you’re dealing with ancient, old Sphinx?"

If statues could speak - the things they could tell us
If statues could speak - the things they could tell us

# 155 – It’s all Greek to me

There once was a Greek named McGee
who was Greek from his first infancy.
Thought he, "If I’m Greek,
then why do I speak
in pure Irish with no mimicry?"

 

How do you say "Howdy" in Libyan talk?
How do you say "Howdy" in Libyan talk?

# 156 – A 2011 Libyan Cruise

The pilotless jet, called the Cruise,
flew itself against Libyan radar.
This gadget may win or may lose,
but nobody’s saying which so far.

This strange weapon, for sure, has priority.
It is banked on by "Pres" and his staff,
and the worst feared by those in authority
is that Cruise will not work – and we’ll laugh.

If the Cruise slips by outposts unseen
why, that’s great, and our "Pres" has a winner,
but if we have a bad radar screen,
then the Libyans will have us for dinner.


Spaghetti, anyone?
Spaghetti, anyone?


# 157 – Toughing it out

It’s tough to live in Houston
when the winds don’t blow.
In summers, hot,
a melting pot,
but that surely beats cold snow.

It’s tough to live in Houston
in high winds back and forth.
Hurricane season
is not pleasin’ –
even so, it beats the North.

It’s tough to live in Houston
and get from here to there.
By car or bus,
it’s one big fuss.
Even Yankees that'll scare.

A hotdog on a bun beats paper money properity any day
A hotdog on a bun beats paper money properity any day

# 158 – The heroic writer

"To what, pray tell, is such prosperity
owing and attributed?" asked one,
"What was it that was lately done
to bring us such a profit run?
Directors, let us look at this to see
the cause of our prosperity."

The president said that it was he
who, last year, hired a writer,
a practiced pencil-biter,
"to make the business brighter."
Said the president, "Through me,
my writer brought prosperity."

The writer, then, was led by three
directors to the front of all.
Cheers and clapping filled the hall.
Stockholders grinned until next fall.
Smiled writer, "For money and posterity
I write – and it's my real propensity."

To all assembled, plain to see,
this writer’d worked a miracle,
although he was not lyrical,
compulsive, or hysterical,
but one of wordy progeny,
the cause of this prosperity.

 

It has worked for centuries
It has worked for centuries

# 159 – Educate me, if you can

In calculus (or other math)
right numbers follow preset path,
but, when they’re wrong, they go astray,
and give bad answers any day.

  

They sure are good when you stuff them with stuff
They sure are good when you stuff them with stuff

# 160 – Billy’s story

Mommy made some cookies
and made it understood
that we could have but one apiece
(if we were really good).

Now, Mommy shouldn’t have done it,
shouldn’t have left them there.
It’s not that we were starving,
but the tempting wasn’t fair.

She’ll soon be coming back here,
and see few cookie leavings,
and here we’ll be, our tummies fat,
all due to cookie thievings.

Mach-4 makes ordinary things difficult
Mach-4 makes ordinary things difficult

# 161 - The embarrassment of Mach-4

A pilot who was very proud
raced his jet right over a crowd.
He stopped going so fast
so his gas might be passed.
(At Mach-4, gas passing’s so loud.)

How did it begin?
How did it begin?

# 162 - In the beginning

Astronomers fight about the beginning
of a universe which they say’s thinning.
There’s "steady-state," some calculate,
with others, "Big Bang" has more weight.

The "steady-staters" look profound
and claim we’ve always been around,
but bouncing back and forth, you see.
(Just why is quite a mystery.)

The ones who to "Big Bang" adhere
all seem to worry and to fear
that, before "Someone" ignited it,
he gathered all and made it sit.

Now, I’m a dummy. (That’s a fact.)
I like both stories. (That’s good tact!)
Before I make a choice unsound,
I’ll check if "Someone's" still around.

"We don't want any..."
"We don't want any..."

# 163 – Six-button telephones can talk

The salesman called and was bold.
He simply would not be told
that we had enough,
or that times were real tough,
so, finally, we put him "on hold."

"I want to sneeze, too"
"I want to sneeze, too"

# 164 – Allergies

If you’re allergic, you well know
that running eyes and nose a’flow
come to you without consent
and live in you at zero rent.

Some folks are addicted
and others, afflicted,
with candy
or brandy.
For some it is milk,
while, for others, pure silk,
that start all the wheezing,
the crying and sneezing.

But, if you’re allergic, your lot is not worse
than those of us folks addicted to verse.

There no place like h... "Hole 19"
There no place like h... "Hole 19"

# 165 – Reversed polarity

A golf cart with its wires crossed
started east, went west, and soon got lost.
They called emergency search forces,
issued helmets, nets, and ten big horses.
Cart was found on "19," fully sauced.

More by this Author


Comments 12 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

You are amazing.! Thanks for putting the smile on my face.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

HI BP - That's what my bride told me, and then she mentioned that I might make myself productive if I got a job at the circus because of it.

Gus :-)))


cwarden profile image

cwarden 5 years ago from USA

Thanks, these were great - as always! :D


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Howdy cwarden - You are welcome. Thanks for the read and for the pleasant comment.

Gus :-)))


Winsome profile image

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hey Gus, thanks for coming up with all of these. While I was marching along yesterday I was singing "Left, right, left, right" GI style and added a verse:

First politicians, and then morticians

And soon there's nobody left, right, left right..."

=:)


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Winsome - Hey ! I really like that verse you added to your marching song... nice! Your profile page was also most interesting - one that many hubbers shuld appreciate. Oh yes... you are most welcome to the Dumb Poems. They are fun to mess with.

Gus :-)))


alastar packer 5 years ago

First off , these are just what the doc ordered Gus. He says laughter is a fine med.Secondly, I'll find time this week to read some back issues for sure. Thank you


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Alastar - How about when the doc gave out two (count 'em - TWO) orders, As I recall, the rascal first ordered "get out" and next, "stay out." Doc didn't realize that someone other than a bill collector was listening. :)

Gus :-)))


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

I've loved all your 'dumb' poems, Gus, but these were surely the bestest.

Not that I didn't enjoy the others, but these were the best of the restest.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Good Doctor bj - Thanks. I am going to send you a copy of the Dumb Poems eBook that you can download from your eMail. I am still replacing the audio files and will send you a copy of that via my website. The audio-inclusive files is too big to sit atop your eMail.

As to the current crop of Dumb Poems, I now have enough of them together again to fill the next eBook of them.

Gus :-)))


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

..well - no one - writes quite like you Mister Gus - you are a true creative anomaly - a poetic force of nature like no other and I am so happy to have met you and be able to read 'something' that no one else can come close to doing - always the mark of a great writer - which is - you!!!!!!!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi "epi" - If the rascals wrote like me I guess I would have to get them for plagiarism or for un-anomalizing, or reading, or something. In the words of the great Mark Steyn, "Cowboy Poetry is a low-investment business."

Gus :-)))

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