Eight Creative Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer

#1 I Have Enough Cash

©Adrienne Manson All rights reserved no parts of this content may be reproduced without the authors sole permission

One evening a telemarketer called my cellphone which seems to be increasingly popular in the telemarketing world. I said "hello." The telemarketer went on to tell me congratulations my name was being entered into a million dollar sweepstakes, before she could go into a pitch to sale a magazine I bursted into excitement and said oh my gosh that is wonderful but I have more money than I know what to do with and don't need any cash, but thanks so much for calling. The telemarketer was lost for words.

#2 Dog Playing With The Cat" My dog and cat are playing really rough, and I am afraid kitty is going to scratch up my puppy. I need to go separate them". I have not used this one, but can not wait to see what type of response I get. There are no rebuttals for someone saying anything this unusual on the phone. If anyone know anything about sales, they know all sales callers have rebuttals to the word no thank you. The key is they are thrown off guard, and if they are not fast thinking they will just say ok, and let you go.


#3 Flood In The Kitchen

"I have a flood in the kitchen, and water is everywhere." Telling anyone that the sink is running over with water to get anyone off the phone. The first thing they probably will say is "can I call you back?" You know how telemarketers will try to get that second call in. I am usually quick with my answer I tell them what the problem is, and I generally just say thanks for calling. I usually get dead air, because they really do not know what to make of the situation, so I hang up.

Any time someone hear of water running everywhere they know you need to go clean up a big mess.

#4 I Am A Telemarketer

Tell them you are a telemarketer, and you just got off work and you are tired. I have used this one so many times in the past that it is uncountable. I have worked in sales for years. For me this one always kept the conversation going because I use to tell the person what they said wrong, and why the lost my interest. Before I know anything I am speaking to the person like a friend, and a whole new conversation has started. For this one it is best to say you just got off work and you are really tired.

#5 Baby Making Dinner

"My baby is trying to help me make dinner by dancing in the mash potatoes". The key is to always catch them off guard with creative witty excuses why you need to go. Of course you are going to get some laughs and nine time out of ten they are not going to know what to say and you will have accomplished your mission, and that is getting them off the phone. You will have them scratching their head, but at least you will be off the phone.

#6 Lighting Striking

"A bolt of lighting just clashed throw your bathroom window." Believe it or not I have actually said this to a telemarketer, and their response was I do understand, and they got off the phone. This one left me stractching my head after I get off the phone. I was shocked that the sales person was really at a lost for words.

#7 Ceiling Fan Crashed On Dining Room Table

"My ceiling fan just crashed into the dining room table." And you need to call the landlord right away. Anytime a salesperson hears any type of catastrophe of any sort they should be trying to get off the phone right away, and move on to the next caller. There first come back might be seriously from hearing something that bizarre. Come right back with seriously yes I need to get going.

#8 Most common one someone's at the door - It may not get you off the phone quickly, and you may need to say it twice that you need to get the door. This one is not only good for sales people but good for the gabby relatives that can talk nonstop for an hour. I have used the "I need to get the door" a zillion times to get off the phone from gabby people. Whoever is home I flag them and tell them ring the bell, ring the bell, and whether it was mom or a boyfriend they go ring the belll. There is only so mch conversation I can stand within one phone call. No one home with you, go ring the bell yourself they won't know whose ringing the bell. Believe it or not I have rang my own doorbell to get off the phone, and it works. Not one time every time.


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Comments 16 comments

Man from Modesto profile image

Man from Modesto 4 years ago from Kiev, Ukraine (formerly Modesto, California)

That is pretty funny. I have a more simple plan. When I see an unknown number on the caller ID, I answer with gibberish that could maybe be some foreign language somewhere.

"calabadarooni" or "koola whadda sing sang" are some I use.

I have never found one who quit on the first effort. So, I repeat my gibberish phrase- the exact one I just used. If they are persistent, I mash together some new babbling and just pause. Many of them stammer, but not all. Some will read out the name of the person they think they are calling (not always me).

Some say, "Sorry, no Spanish," and hang up. That is my favorite. Spanish? Really? None of my phony languages sound like any real ones. Hilarious!

If they really push, I hold the phone about a foot and a half from my mouth and start yelling "Engrish! Engrish!" as if I am waiting for some English speaking child to come take the call. None stay on for that.

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

Hi Lady_E I like that "give the phone to the baby" that's a good way to get rid of a telemarketer.

Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Lol.... or just give the phone to your baby if you have one. Let them continue the conversation.

Beautiful Hub. I feel sorry for Telemarketers because they are only making a living - BUT they never get me at the right time. :-)

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

Man from Modesto, That certainly is creative, and one I have never heard of before...lol...thanks for sharing with us.

Man from Modesto profile image

Man from Modesto 4 years ago from Kiev, Ukraine (formerly Modesto, California)

I always use this: If I don't recognize the number, I answer with "Koolawhadda sing sang!" It's a line from an old AT&T commercial in which a phone call from a non-AT&T customer went to a beach somewhere and a big brown man (=exotic foreigner) wearing a bright shirt enters a phone booth, answers the call and says "Koolawhadda sing sang."

This way, if a marketer starts in, I keep going in "sing sang" language. It is fun to listen to them fumble with, "Uh... um... oh, you don't speak any...oh." Then they just hang up.

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

Thanks Nestle that's a creative one as well.

RGNestle profile image

RGNestle 4 years ago from Seattle

You forgot, "I'm sorry, I only have 12 seconds to live and I'll be hanged if I'm going to spend it talking to you!" (CLICK!)

Nice Hub!

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

Thanks Paradise!

Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

I love the baby dancing in the mashed potatoes one. And I think it's nice--a nice way to get rid of an unwanted sales call without being rude to the person on the other end of the phone. As a matter of fact, all the fictitious excuses you've offered here have that grace.

writinginalaska profile image

writinginalaska 4 years ago from southeast Alaska

the two favorite ones i use are the following: I ask them could you hold on for a minute? ( i don't give them a reason i need to put them on hold) then I lay the phone down either near the TV or the radio and go about my business. I come back about 20 minutes late, guess what? they are always gone! Imagine that!

My second favorite thing to say especially if they are trying to take a survey: "Yes, happy to do the survey with you but I charge $100.00 per hour for my time and if you give me YOUR credit card number we can get started." The most frequent reaction to this is either laughter or one guy told me that was the best line he had ever heard. I told him, "not a line buddy, give me your cc number and we can get started" he hung up! lvh

rlaha profile image

rlaha 4 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

Listening to it was funny, but I can only imagine how that telemarketer was feeling! If it was me on the other end of the line, I would be terrified! :)

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

hi rlaha, Lord have mercy that is scary someone pretending to commit suicide, and shot a gun I would have called 911 if someone said that to me on the phone.

rlaha profile image

rlaha 4 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

This was very funny! Thanks for the tips. I found a funny one on Youtube where a telemarketer called this guy and the guy pretended he was about to commit suicide. He actually "shot a gun" that you could hear and then there was complete silence.

The telemarketer was in shock for a few seconds then kept saying, "Hello? Are you alright sir? I am going to call 911 for you."

It was CLASSIC! :)

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta Author

Thanks Eric and Eric Prado I have a pretty wild imagination so I thought I would share these witty idea with the HP community. Thanks for the votes.

zEric7x 4 years ago

That is pretty funny but I probably would just hang up.

Eric Prado profile image

Eric Prado 4 years ago from Webster, Texas

This was funny, I liked it. Voted up. =)

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